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mya

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Yesterday I took my partner to the spa as a valentine's day gift. As part of the package we had a hammam experience followed by a massage. We were in separate bathrooms and once we changed into our bathing suits we were to meet at the hammam area where there is a sauna, hot tub and showers. My partner got changed first so he got to the area first. There was another couple there already as well. When I came out my husband asks me why I am not wearing what the other woman is wearing (I am wearing a one piece and she is wearing a bikini). He basically thought the bikini is not a bathing suit and said that he wondered why I was wearing a bathing suit. Then he tells me that when he got there he thought i was this woman. I look nothing like this woman. She is taller, has longer hair, is bigger and from a different cultural group.

 

Then after we finish with the sauna we are supposed to take cold showers. So, I go to take the cold shower and he just leaves me. He did not tell me where he was going so I take my cold shower and just stand there. I cannot go back in the sauna since I just got out, I cannot take the cold shower for longer cause I am freezing and the other couple is in the hot tub making out. I feel like an idiot and I go into the bathroom cause I just dont wnat to be there and I see him in there taking a shower. He says he came in to get some shampoo. I was so angry I told him I wanted to go home. He convicned me to stay but I am still upset but not showing it to him. I feel like he did not appreciate my effort and I feel like any other guy would be romantic and sweet and not insensitive like him and leave me in the middle with some random couple to get some shampoo without telling me where he is going. Also when I went in he was actually taking a shower. Although it could nto have been for more than a few minutes, if I had not gone into the bathroom, how long would he have taken to come out? I feel like he was a total jerk. Is it normal that I am so upset?

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Have you communicated the feelings to him? Sometimes they will just continue to brew up within you until you get them out and share how you feel.

 

Whether or not its normal, is irrelevant. You are feeling how you are feeling. Some people are going to say "Let it go.." others will say "I'd be right pissed..." but the bottom line is his words and actions upset you..so why not communicate that to him, at the time instead of lietting it fester and ruin the nice day?

 

It could have all been a complete misunderstanding from both ends.

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I did tell him right away. I am actually really expressive with my feelings and he tried to explain that he thought the bikini is not a bathing suit and just wondered why I was wearing a bathing suit (?!?). I was upset so I was like were you staring at her and he was like no blah blah. And about the shower he told me he just went to get shampoo and started to shower there since I was in the cold shower outside. After that I just tried to let it go and be ok with him cause I did not want to ruin things for the message etc. and right now I am acting friendly towards him but it is still bothering me because I feel like he acted really unappreciative. I have this problem which is that I cannot let things go so its hard.

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As a guy, I have to say your whole post went way over my head.

 

He's nice enough to go to a spa with you, something guys never do or have any clue about. While there, he demonstrates that he's clueless about the whole situation.

 

I don't get why you're upset?

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But whats really bothering you is the fact that you felt he wasn't appreciative of what you did. If you haven`t shared that with him, that will sit and fester within you.

 

But for me, reading that post...I do see a slight overrreaction.

 

Can you talk with him. Ask him if he enjoyed the spa, that you know you may have taken things out of proportion, but were just wondering if he enjoyed himself.

 

I really don`t see anything wrong, truthfully. Like mentioned, he may have not had any clue as to the etiquette of going to a spa!

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