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ladyjane83

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I posted on here a couple of times about the guy I met online. I went out with him a couiple of times but then he said that he wouldnt beable to get over the amount of boyfriends I had had because that was too much for him (it was 5...im 26!!) then he decided to give it another try because he like me so we went on 2 more dates and then he broke it off again..said he cant get past his issues. I assumed it was about the number of guys again..but some people on here suggested that was an excuse and that he wasnt that into me.

That was 2 weeks ago...no contcat since then, and it was fine. we had only been out 4 times so I wasnt like heartbroken.

Anyway....when we were dating he thought it was really funny and strange that I had never eaten curry in my life because I was scared of it (dont ask!) but Thursday night my friend cooked me dinner and it was curry...so I was brave and ate it. The next moring I thought I would text him because he would find it funny....

What followed was the most confusing exchange of texts ever!!....

 

ME Hey, hows its going? Sorry but had to text you because you will find this funny...guess what? I had my first ever curry last night and it didn't hurt and was actually quite nice!!..are you impressed?! haha x

 

HIM My god thats weird...I was just thinking about you last night. I must have been holding your hand through it ha ha ha

 

ME Very weird. I only ate it because my friend cooked for me and so I was being polite!

 

HIM AWWW well we will have to go for one one day. Curry is my fave

 

ME I know it is. But dont know if I'd be that brave yet...this one was extra mild expecially for me!

 

GAP OF ABOUT 6 HOURS

 

HIM ok,well I will text you to see if you want to meet up some time for food. you will or you wont.

 

ME No I will, its fine. (I was doing the aloof, we can be friends, im not bothered thing!) but not sure about a curry

 

HIM Yes curry! I will take you someplace where you will be able to find something you like. Hows the dating going?

 

ME Datings going alright thanks

 

HIM Great! found someone then?

 

ME Not sure yet..

 

HIM I know you wont jump into anything, but please be careful.

 

So far Im confused....I went on to say how Im just dating, not sure Im even interested in the guys yet. he said he is the same..not interested in dating at the moment. I said that I'm interested in dating..just not sure about the people and he said thats what he meant...that he is giving up because he isnt going to beable to find his one, partiularly not in this country (he is australian living in UK) I took this as a bit of an insult and I said the I have just realised that he went out with me and it has made him give up on woment completely! he replied with yeah..you have turned me gay haha.

later on he text again just general stuff asking what I'm up to tonight etc and then...

 

HIM I bet your mum and dad hate me dont they?

 

ME no not really

 

HIM yeah I bet

 

ME No really, they dont know anything

 

HIM Dont they ask?

 

ME They asked if Im going to see you again and I said I dont think so no.they dont ask for details

 

HIM good. even my mum asked...

 

ME what did you tell her...or do I not want to know?!

 

HIM Nothing bad! there's nothing bad to say

 

ME hmm, I though that you thought lots of bad things

 

No reply.

 

Im so confused!! Im not interested in him anymore...that isnt what this is about. Ive started dating someone else. I just want to know what he is thinking!! we only went out 4 times...he doesnt owe me anything like staying friends. Other girls that he has dated but not worked out with he just cuts contact...so why talk about going out for food etc. Its like at first he was maybe having second thoughts about me...but then changed his mind so decided to ask about dating to make sure I didnt get any wrong ideas!! but then texting asking what I was up to and saying that his mum was asking about me etc (the first time he broke it off he told me his mum was asking about it, right before saying that we should give it another go)

Like I said..Im not interested, I dont want to give him another chance. I just want to know what he is thinking because he was such an a*se to me that it will be satisfying to know that he is having second thoughts!

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Don't be confused... he doesn't want to date you. He has friendzoned you, and is asking about your OTHER dates on purpose to let you know he's hoping your dating someone else so you won't confuse the friendship with dating.

 

But honestly, why on earth would you want to continue contact with someone who has insulted you by suggesting that 5 partners is 'too much'... he's judging you and frankly in today's world, 5 partners by 25 is not the least bit excessive, more like normal!

 

He may be having second thoughts (i.e., a conflict between his sense of 'morals' and his liking of you), but the truth is, if he is that straight laced, he needs to be going to some conservative church and looking for a girlfriend, not bothering you or insulting you.

 

I'd just let him go. Don't contact him again, and don't make nice with him when he has basically judged you AND thrown you over. You can find better friends.

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Agree with the others, move on from this guy, he is a game player...

 

... this is what you get when you date an Australian man... haha I am anti my country's men, a lot of them are childish little boys... no offence to some of the nice aussie men I have seen on here!

 

Ammy

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It sounds as though you're remaining too focused on someone who won't matter in the big scheme of your life. A half year from now you'll probably fight to remember his name if you even recall him at all--provided you stop investing in him and let him drop away.

 

Allow yourself to focus on moving forward and finding someone who clicks with you and makes you happy. What's the point in stagnating around this non-starter?

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I'm not really bothered about him in the dating sense anymore..I KNOW he is def not I want in a partner. But I didnt see any harm in sending a text as we hadnt fallen out. I'm just confused as why he would want to take me out for food, yeah maybe as friends....but why would he want to stay friends with me?! we only went out 4 times, and didnt knmow each other before that. I thought that yeah we may send the odd "how are you" text occassionally, but in no way was I ever thinking we would see eachother again. even just as friends. Its a weird thing for him to suggest.

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2 weeks is too long to go without contact. I wouldn't bother with him. Of course, now that he knows you are seeing someone, this will make him want you more and you will start hearing from him more now.

 

That makes no sense.

He dumped the OP because she had 5 previous B/fs and now you are TELLING her that one more will trigger his interest....!

 

GIRLS !

A man who has no interest in you will NOT change his mind and chase you just because you are dating someone else. To the contrary, he is likely to be relieved that you will finally leave him alone.

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That makes no sense.

He dumped the OP because she had 5 previous B/fs and now you are TELLING her that one more will trigger his interest....!

 

GIRLS !

A man who has no interest in you will NOT change his mind and chase you just because you are dating someone else. To the contrary, he is likely to be relieved that you will finally leave him alone.

 

I didnt say that he would be more interested in me now that I have met someone else....I thold him that so that he knows I'm not interested in him anymore. And to say that he will be relieved that I will finally leave him alone....I was leaving him alone!! just sent a text because it was something that he would appreciate. Wasn't even expecting a reply and its HIM who has now suggested we go out for food!!

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I didnt say that he would be more interested in me now that I have met someone else....I thold him that so that he knows I'm not interested in him anymore. And to say that he will be relieved that I will finally leave him alone....I was leaving him alone!! just sent a text because it was something that he would appreciate. Wasn't even expecting a reply and its HIM who has now suggested we go out for food!!

 

What kind of curry was it ?

Did you ever hear the theory about the correlation between women's taste for spicy food and their sexual preferences?

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That makes no sense.

He dumped the OP because she had 5 previous B/fs and now you are TELLING her that one more will trigger his interest....!

GIRLS !

A man who has no interest in you will NOT change his mind and chase you just because you are dating someone else. To the contrary, he is likely to be relieved that you will finally leave him alone.

He didn't dump her straight away...continued to contact and wanted to see her a few times if I recall correctly.

Oh - and many men have tried to come back to a woman once he learns she has moved on. Perhaps you have little life experience and have not witnessed this so much.

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He didn't dump her straight away...continued to contact and wanted to see her a few times if I recall correctly.

Oh - and many men have tried to come back to a woman once he learns she has moved on. Perhaps you have little life experience and have not witnessed this so much.

 

Thanks miss kitty. Yes you recall correctly. And like I said...its him who has now suggested going out for food! I dont see how that translates as him "being relieved that Ill now leave him alone"!

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Thanks miss kitty. Yes you recall correctly. And like I said...its him who has now suggested going out for food! I dont see how that translates as him "being relieved that Ill now leave him alone"!

 

Lol! It's almost scary how predictable people are sometimes....

Are you going to go?

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Lol! It's almost scary how predictable people are sometimes....

Are you going to go?

 

I dont know. I dont really see the point. I know he isnt someone that I want to date anymore...to him it migvht just be as freinds, but I dont see the point in being friends with someone who I only went out with 4 times and wasnt friends with before that.

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This is simple... just don't waste your time on him... Maybe he's bored and between dates and just wants someone to hang out with and eat with now and then.

 

I wouldn't read anything into it at all... You know for sure that he is judgmental and a bit prudish about women if he gets bent over the fact you've had sex with a few men in your life.

 

And frankly, his texting about you 'being careful and getting to know the guy first' is more judgmental blather, like he's trying to tell you not to just fall into bed with any guy, again a reference to you being too 'loose' for his tastes or him being in a superior position to tell you how to behave. Heck, if you want to have sex with 5 men in the same bed at the same time, NONE OF HIS BUSINESS!!!

 

Just dump the guy as a friend. He sounds like a prissy turkey to me, so why let him cluck around you any more.

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Like I said..Im not interested, I dont want to give him another chance. I just want to know what he is thinking because he was such an a*se to me that it will be satisfying to know that he is having second thoughts!
This is your ego speaking, looking for him to validate that you're datable. Don't do this to yourself. Just walk away.
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soo since I text him that day about the curry (which I was in no way intending as a try to get him back text)he has pretty much text me every day! It was as if he has been wanting to get in touch again (ie when he said he had been thinking about me) but didnt think he could because maybe thought I wouldnt want to hear from him...but know that I have been in touch he keeps texting.

Anyway...he text me tonight telling me to put this tv channel on because its a programme about cooking chinese food (he knows I love chinese) texts as follows:

ME why did you have to go and tell me that...now Im going to be craving chinese food!

HIM know you know how to make it...bring me some round when you're done

ME I think I'll have to get a takeaway tomorrow night now.

HIM well enjoy it and be thinking of me. I have to go shopping to *local shopping centre* and I really dont want to.

ME can you not want to go there? its like my Mecca. haha

HIM come with me if you want? Im shopping for jeans

ME Why? do you need a girls opinion? ok if you want

HIM Great! looking forward to it! I'll even treat you to a KFC hahaha

ME KFC? oh wow, I do feel special! haha

 

Then continued to text all evening jokey banter back and forth about all sorts of things.

So..looks like Im going shopping with him tomorrow. Is this a date?? This is the second time he has asked me to do something now this week, like at the start of the week he asked about going for food.

 

I know people my say its just as friends...but I dont get it. He always said he doesnt saty friends with exes or people he has dated because he doesnt see the point. So why be friends with me? we only went out 4 times and werent friends before hand.

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My advice: stop texting or typing words to each other. Except one more "thanks for the offer - if you want to take me out on a date, I'd really prefer that you call me so we can make plans for a proper date in advance. If you just want to hang out as friends I don't think that's a good idea - I have enough friends for now and keeping in touch with you as friends is making it harder for me to be out there meeting people who might want a relationship with me. Thanks for understanding"

 

Of course you can call him and say this but typing it is fine too.

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Well I went shopping with him....and it was really good fun. We got on very well, as we have done everytime I have met up with him, and laughed all night. I was helping him pick out clothes etc and it was so comfortable and relaxed and felt like I was shoppin with my boyfriend, at one point he even like squeezed the back of my neck. near the end of the evening I mentioned that I am craving chinese food because there was a chinese cookery programme on the night before...and he said well what are you doing friday night, I said nothing and he said ok, I'll come over and we can order chinese in. He then text me later to check if I had got home ok. And today he text to ask whats happening tomorrow (friday) and if I still want to get chinese. Im soooo confuse. Yes it might just be friends but that leads me to 2 thoughts...1) he said he never stays in touch with exes or girls who havent worked because doesnt see the point and 2) WHY would he want to be my friend?...we have only been out 4 times and met online so werent friends before.

My friend said that maybe I have confused him..that he thought he knew the type of girl that he wanted on paper, but then we have a good time together and its made him question what he wants. I just want to know if he is seeing me as a friend or if he is seeing me as somethink more...what do you guys think?? If its something more and he has definitly decided that this time I would be willing to try, because I do like him, but I would have to make it very clear that I am NOT going to be the girl he just "settles" for. He would have some mega explaining to do. hmmm.

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