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BF wants to break up- said lets wait a month and see what happens- how to deal


k2ryder

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MY BF of almost 2 years and I live together. We have seriously talked about getting engaged this year and we are in our mid 30's. The last 4 weeks have been a catastrophe out of nowhere. We started fighting, I was anxious and being really "girlie" talk talk talk about it and there was a lot of drama (me going to a hotel for a few days).etc. He started looking for a place to live and started telling friends and family about it. Over numerous conversations he told me he has serious doubts, he should know if I am the one by now and he doesn't, he loves me BUT BUT BUT. I did cry alot b/c I thought he was the man I was going to marry, but I did tell him I support him 100%.

 

Wednesday he came home from his therapist- he suffers from depression and said he needed to move out. He needed to see what else is out there for him. I cried, but once again said I supported him but didn't think he was doing the right thing in what I thought was a depressed state. Out of nowhere he said what if we give it a month and I won't move out - we wont break up and let's see what happens at the end of the month with clear heads. He said he thought he might be jumping the gun.

 

Yesterday he was loving and said he was so sorry for the hurt he put me through and he was overreactng.

 

Today- now he is laying on the sofa being emotionally distant.

 

I love him, but if he doesn't want to be here he should go. I don't want to bring it up if 2 days ago we said a month, ya know. But I find myself not able to deal with the pain of his words so I am emotionally distancing myself, I mean how can you say those things and then take them back. I tried to think he was depressed, but maybe he doesn't love me anymore and that's making him depressed.

 

Any advice??

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Give him space to sort himself out and if he doesn't in due time then move on from the relationship. Last thing you want to do is try to pressure/beg him that he's making a mistake. The more you push the more he will pull. His mind will work at best when he gets his temporary freedom at which time he will decide what he wants quickest. In the meantime resort to supportive friends for emotional stability and keep as busy as you can to make the time pass quicker.

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He did not move out and we did not break up yet.... so do you mean give him space at home and see what happens? I dont know how to even act. I am usually loving, but I am now distant. Not mean.. just sensing his inconsistency towards me and cant deal. Which is happening tonight! Yesterday was all baby, I love you and today he is laying on sofa ignoring me. didnt even give me a kiss hello.

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He did not move out and we did not break up yet.... so do you mean give him space at home and see what happens? I dont know how to even act. I am usually loving, but I am now distant. Not mean.. just sensing his inconsistency towards me and cant deal. Which is happening tonight! Yesterday was all baby, I love you and today he is laying on sofa ignoring me. didnt even give me a kiss hello.

 

Irrelevant if he's still home or not, try to give him some space. He sounds were confused and what confused guys do when pressured is pull away/withdraw very easily when pressured into discussing things or being heavily nagged. Perhaps planning a night out with a few friends is a good idea or even a night at a friends house (movie night or something) to keep your mind off of things. Stick to this forum if the going gets tough.

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My sister's bf tried to break up with her once. She got very upset, then he said "well if you don't want to break up we don't have to". So they stayed together another year, then broke up for good. Basically delayed the inevitable for another year.

 

He seems back & forth about his feelings toward staying with/marrying you. If, in 4 years, he hasn't been able to decide for sure, he probably won't be able to make that decision within a month.

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You just wrote a similar story to my 4 year relationship. In my case he was not as clouded on the subject as he thought, he just couldn't accept the fact that he didn't feel the way he wanted to and when it got down to something real and for life like marriage he also couldn't do something he didn't feel 100%. In my experience the feelings will win out no matter how hard the mind tries to rationalize it. Men have to have that feeling and decent men will fight with themselves for not feeling it when they should. You can only hope they don't allow themselves through marriage to realize this.

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