Finding the strength

[bungalo]

To move on..as I think it's the only rational thing to do...had a great talk with the ex last night..she sent me a birthday card..which was sweet but no I love you of course...Does anyone have any encouraging stories about reuniting..after a LTR ends.????..I am focusing on myself, career, fitness, social life..my happiness.....

[Chris Knows]

Still no progress my friend?

 

Just relax for a bit. Enjoy your time alone. Think about and reflect on all of the things you want to accomplish or want to do soon.

 

Stay focused on you

[dazed_83]

there's a massive thread on that somewhere here.

 

 

 

It's nice to read something positive every now and then.

[bungalo]

I guess our phone conversation confirmed in my mind how deep our connection is..such a deep friendship..and it wasn't awkward or bitter..just like old dear friends catching up....but she is still not game for a romantic rel/ship...

[bungalo]

I'll always fight for the one that I love, no matter the adversity. Love is always worth fighting for, whether it's a simple form of love for friends to a more deeper and profound feeling of love towards your special someone.

[CaptainNapalm]

To move on..as I think it's the only rational thing to do...had a great talk with the ex last night..she sent me a birthday card..which was sweet but no I love you of course...Does anyone have any encouraging stories about reuniting..after a LTR ends.????..I am focusing on myself, career, fitness, social life..my happiness.....

 

Self-improvement projects are always good.

[Tired Tiger]

Hey Bungalo.

 

I kinda figured you might be back posting in this forum again. I completely understand how you feel and what you're going through. It's a challenge, for sure.

 

Yes, you can say you want to "move on", just as easily as you can state wanting to reconcile. Both are easier said than done, right? So what if you focus on an option that will benefit either one of those choices in the long run? Letting go. I know... that sounds like the same thing as 'moving on', but it's not. Part of letting go involves accepting that what you're doing isn't working and is making you feel bad, and focusing all that energy in a more productive direction - yourself. I do believe you already know this, though.

 

You're right around 3 months post-breakup, correct? That's not really very long (though there's many who would beg to differ, I'm sure). I've mentioned around here before that I feel fortunate that my situation turned around so quickly at six months. Those months were a roller coaster, though. The significant changes came when I accepted, withdrew, and focused on myself. I didn't "give up", or "move on", as it were... I just let go. Accepted. Surrendered.

 

If you place primary focus on yourself, it can only be a benefit - no matter the outcome.

[bungalo]

We live in the same town...and I ran into her at a singles dance tonight...I just went ahead and asked her why the * * * * she broke up with me..and she said it was because I was too emotionally dependent on her..but I said I wouldn't have been that way had she not distanced so much...she is without a doubt emotionally unavailable...It was good because I got to ask her things that have been rolling around in my head....and she was stoic and cold I told her how much I loved her and how beautiful she is..but * * * she doesn't give a * * * * ..we danced to (irony anyone?) You've lost that loving feeling...this was a good thing she is who she is for now..and I can't keep hitting my head against this brick wall....

[red.ribbon]

A way of "letting" go involved me dedicating some time just looking at photos of us and having a BIG old cry. Letting it all out.

 

Then I wrote a lot of things down in my journal. A great activity which helped me was doing this: Lay down, take deep breaths and think about your life as though it is a movie. Think of your very first memories and let them continue in sequence, or rewind and fast forward if you wish.

 

Write down each memory which comes to mind, it doesn't have to be a huge event.

 

Once you feel you have written enough down, summarize each memory in to one emotion, ie lost, abandoned, excited, scared. See if you can find a pattern in your memories. Most of mine were abandoned and frightened, which made me realize why I became so dependent in my relationship.

 

You may find that you start to cry about some of these memories. I had a big cry about one in particular which I didn't even realize was that big a deal!