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I want to hire a guy to ask my girlfriend to a date and see if she accepts . I trust my girlfriend, but shes been talking about other guys a lot lately. And she just told me she had a sex dream about some random guy from her class. I know its just a dream, and she has the right to have male friends, and i dont want to be too controlling. But i would like some reassurance...

 

I can be very persuasive, and i was thinking about persuading some attractive guy from one of her classes to ask her to dinner and watch her reaction. I go by the saying "treat others the way you want to be treated" (im not religious or anything tho, just think its a good idea). And to me, if she did something like that i wouldn't be upset at all, i might even see it as kinda cute. But i also know that people are different... and ill use my best judgement to determine whether i should do it or not in the end. But i wanted to hear your opinions also. Please give me lots!

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i can only see this blowing up in your face

 

scenarios i see:

 

she accepts the date

the guy tells her u payed him to asked her out

guy just laughs at you...

she accepts the date and the actually start going with each other

 

 

or she declines the date....

 

it seems like a real crazy idea...

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Terrible idea. To test her would be definite legitimate grounds for her to break up with you. If you feel worried about her being interested in other guys, you're thinking you might lose her, or you don't trust her, then you need to talk to her about it. Passive aggressive problem solving in relationships can only lead to their demise.

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The way I see it, she may accept, and your relationship ends. Or she declines, but you still set her up. If she found out I would imagine she would not be happy with your mistrust and there would be a good chance she would break up with you.

 

So in you doing this, there is a good chance that it will result in the demise of your relationship no matter whether she chooses to accept a date or not.

 

I see it the same as snooping your SO's personal information (phone, email, etc). Don't do it unless you have some very strong suspicions you need to confirm before breaking up. I wouldn't consider a dream (which you can't control) and having male friends to be suspicious behavior.

 

I don't see it as cute, and I wouldn't do it.

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want to hire a guy to ask my girlfriend to a date and see if she accepts . I trust my girlfriend,]

 

No, you do not trust your girlfriend at all if you want to test her like this. Jony's post sums up the possible outcomes. Also, just because she may decline to date this guy, doesn't necessarily mean she would decline to date another guy. In other words, she could choose to decline being with this guy because he really doesn't strike her fancy regardless of his good looks, but if some other guy she has more of an interest in would ask her out she may go. So you could end up with a "false negative" from your test. You would have to pay a random sampling of guys in order to get a better idea if she would cheat on you. Not a good move.

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bad idea!!!!!!

 

besides, dreams don't necessarily indicate subliminal desires. often times, dreams are just a conglomeration of what was happening that day. ie, maybe that guy asked a question in class, which is why he was the 'star' of that night's dream. i've had many a weird dream, half of what's happened, i have no desire to do! i had a sex dream about my best female friend. and i have no desire to mess around with her.

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This is completely manipulative. Nothing cute about it. I'm sure you wouldn't feel that way either if it was done to you, even though you think you would now. When you test someone without their knowledge, you are setting them up to fail. A bad idea on every level.

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No, you do not trust your girlfriend at all if you want to test her like this. Jony's post sums up the possible outcomes. Also, just because she may decline to date this guy, doesn't necessarily mean she would decline to date another guy. In other words, she could choose to decline being with this guy because he really doesn't strike her fancy regardless of his good looks, but if some other guy she has more of an interest in would ask her out she may go. So you could end up with a "false negative" from your test. You would have to pay a random sampling of guys in order to get a better idea if she would cheat on you. Not a good move.

 

lol, spoken like a true scientist!!!!!

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my persuasion doesnt cost $$$ . but yeah you are all right, cept the guy that said id suspect her in a week again. I never suspected her in the first place, and i still dont. Ill always trust her cause i know how important faith is in a relationship. It would just make me feel better seeing it with my eyes, and maybe itll help me improve her self confidence. Shes always been worried shes not "approachable" and she doesn't believe my sincere compliments.

 

Yeah this could deffinitelly blow up in my face. Though if she does accept, id want to see how far it went. And if it would go to far i think the breakup that would follow would be a good thing no? See ive been lied to before by people i love. And as much as i want to believe in love, i have my doubts still. I know thats my issue, but it would be helpful to see her stay faithful to me. But i guess thats part of love, and thats me having faith in her faithfulness. and thats why its so painful when that faith is broken. Though even understanding all that, i still think id feel better seeing it with my own eyes, the same way i saw the nudes my previous ex was sending to some guy.

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I go by the saying "treat others the way you want to be treated"

 

o_0

 

So you like to be treated with a lack of trust and respect?

 

I'd put money on it that if you found out you'd been duped like that, you wouldn't find it cute at all.

 

 

Shes always been worried shes not "approachable" and she doesn't believe my sincere compliments.

So you want to "pay someone to take her to the prom"? Seriously, that has the potential to blow up even harder.

 

Fact is, if you need to go down the route of proving your girls faithfulness, you just end up corroding your own. You'll keep going until that one time... and then what you're looking for will be proved and you can be right.

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It's contradictory to say that you trust her yet want to test her, to make yourself feel better. If you had full trust in her in the first place, it would not make you feel any different (better or worse) to know that she refused a date.

 

It is understandable that you were decieved before and want to be cautious in getting hurt again. But that doesn't mean it is okay for you to do something like this. By doing this, you are violating HER trust. I hope you decide against it.

 

I can really see this guy just telling your girl what you did and not asking her out at all. I know that is what I would do if I were approached by a friend's SO to do something like this.

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I think it's a selfish idea, and a bad one.

 

Even if it is difficult for you, the decent thing to do would be to either talk to her about it, or deal with your insecurities and decide whether or not you can realistically be open/trust yourself and this woman enough to be in a relationship.

 

Besides all that, real life gives plenty of opportunities to see a partner in action with other men/women who find them attractive....has she ever give any reason for you to believe she would be unfaithful based on her actions? Talking about a silly sex dream and guys in her class may be nothing more than a lacking of a good censor of what she thinks and what comes out of her mouth when with you ....doesn't mean she is a cheater. If hearing about it bothers you, it's up to you to express that to her.

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