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Breaking down for the first time in over a month


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So i just completely broke down, had to go into my room and shut myself in there for an hour while I felt as bad as I have since we broke up. I thought I was doing really well. Its been almost 6 months. I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't think its valentines day, honestly. I have plans with some of my really good friends that I am excited for. I have felt good, better than fine, for a long time, with only short periods of missing her for a while now.

 

I know I am not ever going to understand why this happened. I thought she was very happy with me. I know I was. I was the happiest I had ever been in my life, and everyone I knew could see it about me. So obviously there was something about her that I didn't understand and that never clicked. I can accept that, as much as it hurts.

 

I just don't understand why what she thinks about me matters so much to me still. Why should I care whether or not she wants me or not? Why should I want to know exactly what she thinks about me? Why is this all so important to me, to the point where when I let myself think about it too much I wind up here? I hate this and I don't know what to do about it. I keep myself busy, work out daily, am always meeting new people. There is nothing left for me to do but feel terrible it seems.

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i don't think there's anything wrong with you. all the crap that comes up and out when you split up...seems like it's always there. it never goes anywhere. just becomes a question of whether or not it drags you down. natural for it to happen for a time...and then be okay with it...and then get dragged down again. seems to be a very natural part of the process.

 

i've found it really helpful not to make a problem out of it. if you can shift from that subtle aggression towards yourself...and adopt more of a sense of curiosity about what you're going through...seems to really open things up. the thoughts and feelings are still there...but there's a bit of space around it all. things aren't so cluttered anymore. try not to attack yourself...as difficult as that can be.

 

you might be right...feeling terrible might be what you're up against for now. it won't last forever...and the more you get into it now...the more of a release you'll experience. there's a bigger perspective out there...maybe you can tune into that. in the grand scheme of things...this is just a bump in the road. sure...it's a low point...but it's all a part of the whole thing.

 

give yourself a break. there's nothing wrong with you. it's pain. is there anything more human than that?

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Thanks, I am curious about what is going on with me. I don't understand why I am still hanging on to this girl after so long (well, actually, I do understand why: she is an incredible girl, anyone who is with her is lucky to have her. She was an incredible girlfriend who always made me feel loved, took care of me, and went out of her way to do things that made me feel special to her. All of my problems with her come back to how things ended. I have those problems with her, but they don't take away from how amazing she was while we were together. I was a lucky guy and I knew it.) But more to the point, I don't know why I am still hanging onto her like this. I can miss something about her or our relationship, but this breakdown was like the ones that happened early on, and I feel more upset about almost having hope for us to work things out.

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that's a good place to start...with the hope. there are different ways of ''moving on''. some of us find distractions. some of us find someone new (another distraction). some of us work towards letting go of the root of it all.

it's like letting go of an addiction. it makes you itchy...and the temptation to scratch is irresistible. but the scratching hurts. i think you get to that point where you realize that it's hurting you...and you start to wonder about why you have to scratch.

 

it's been a little over a year for me...and i still have those moments where i go off somewhere. i get completely caught up in the thoughts. it's been important to run away from that though...not to get on myself about it.

 

do you have a reason to believe the two of you could work it out? i mean...is it even a possibility...or just a bit of a fantasy?

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do you have a reason to believe the two of you could work it out? i mean...is it even a possibility...or just a bit of a fantasy?

 

It's not out of the question. Her roommate (who introduced us, she was my neighbor freshman year and we became very close) is still one of my best friends and I see her a lot. I see my ex once or twice a week because of class and we are friendly, but we don't have any contact besides that.

 

There was no reason for the break up that would inherently prohibit us from getting back together. So, to answer your question, yes it is a possibility, but I think it is more of a fantasy than anything else. Just because it's possible doesn't mean it isn't a fantasy. Like my plan to win the lottery.

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