What does it mean when they contact you?

[mattguy]

Its been a few weeks and Im doing a bit better, I started to see someone new but we are taking it VERY VERY slowly.

 

the last time I heard from the ex he was basically telling me to leave him alone. so I did.

 

Now he is txting me everyday at the same time with something random like " oh I saw such and such and it reminded me of you"

 

he called the other morning , and I thought he wanted something, but it was just to chat ...

 

he also told me he wants to have lunch soon...

 

 

 

hes telling me he he moving to him home town (5 hours away) in a few months but his best friend told me they are looking at apartments for places in our city currently...

 

he is insisting he wants friendship and NOTHING MORE. but hes the one who wanted me out of his life and i was the loser begging for him..

 

](*,)

 

he may have heard i've been hanging out with someone new, well, i'm pretty sure he knows.

 

i just don't know what to do, its valentines weekend and i wanted to spend it with him so bad, I still do.

 

should I see what he wants in hope that he wants me back or should I just move on with a hole in my heart

[BriarRose]

It makes them want you back when they learn you have someone new.

[hexaemeron]

Boys are weird. Good on you for moving on!

[1guygirl]

i guess he cant get you outta his head....meet up for lunch, see what he wants, take it from there.. come back on here so we can all analyse his actions from behind our keyboards

 

lifes too short...if it doesnt work out well guess what, you tried, and you will heal again knowing you tried all you could. sometimes we need to take chances (albeit taking care of our hearts at the same time)

[CaptainNapalm]

Sounds to me like he wants to be free from any type of commited relationship with you but still likes to be in contact with you to keep you in the loop. My gut feeling tells me that he's confused and probably doesn't know what he really wants. Your best move would probably be to ignore him as much as possible until you have somewhat moved on emotionally.

[BriarRose]

Sounds to me like he wants to be free from any type of commited relationship with you but still likes to be in contact with you to keep you in the loop. My gut feeling tells me that he's confused and probably doesn't know what he really wants. Your best move would probably be to ignore him as much as possible until you have somewhat moved on emotionally.

 

I agree. Also,to see him again could jeopardize what you have with the new person.

[ElChup]

Well

 

 

1) Someone new is in your life. Jealously flag right there.

 

2) He's could well be dealing with guilt issues and hating his loneliness.

 

Could be either. Who knows?

 

Do you want him back?

[mattguy]

Well

 

 

1) Someone new is in your life. Jealously flag right there.

 

2) He's could well be dealing with guilt issues and hating his loneliness.

 

Could be either. Who knows?

 

Do you want him back?

 

i want him back alot, i miss him, he was my bestfriend. but at the same time i hate him for being able to drop me like i was nothing.

[sundrop]

matt,

Remimber unless he says, I want you back, this time apart has been the worest ever, the break up was a huge mistake, ect... Anything other than that is they are throwing breadcrumbs and it mean nothing.

 

You should continue on in your healing process.

[JohJoh525]

Matt,

 

I totally, totally feel the same way you do. My post is in the Grass is Greener thread, but to sum it up, my boyfriend of 10 years left me at the drop of a hat and started a new relationship with a new guy the day after he left me! He texts me about every other day-- sometimes, it is related to finances, other times, it is just random "hey, how are you?" "how's work?" "break a leg tonite on your show opening!", etc. He even calls, and I usually don't answer. Earlier in the week, he wanted to come to our place to get more of his stuff, and only got a DVD and a few of his CDs... didn't worry about more clothes, his junk, his laptop, etc. He also told me that he and his new boyfriend are getting an apartment together asap. (To me, it's very quick. Three weeks in a relationship and already apt hunting?!) However, he seems to want to keep in contact with me in some form, and it's confusing. It also doesn't help that on Tuesday, he told me that he was happy the entire 10 years with me, but just felt like he needed to do this for himself and that he was also happy with the new guy... and he also says he thinks about me all the time, wonders what I'm doing, if I'm okay commuting to and from work, and that he loves me. It literally drives me crazy. Mostly, I ignore his texts and calls... but I do worry that it will push him closer to the new guy and forget about me...

 

Urgh, I'm a mess.

[driedflowers]

matt,

Remimber unless he says, I want you back, this time apart has been the worest ever, the break up was a huge mistake, ect... Anything other than that is they are throwing breadcrumbs and it mean nothing.

 

You should continue on in your healing process.

 

Bingo. I'm not accepting anything from my exBF that isn't a huge apology professing his undying love along with a big ole' diamond ring. I'm not responding to "I saw this funny movie and thought of you" texts. They just want to make sure that they still have a hook in us in case their new relationship doesn't work out.

[mattguy]

ughhhh ya ifeel ur pain. esp since i left my cell at home last nite and went to a party with this new guy im seeing.

when i got in this morning i had 4 missed alerts from my ex. he called me 2 times and txtd me asking where i was. i dont know why he did that though.

i wonder what would have happened if i picked up!

[BriarRose]

When they learn you are with someone new, it's like Love Potion #9.

[JohJoh525]

Matt,

 

That's what I always think, too... I always wonder if I should answer his calls when he calls. Sometimes, he calls like three times in a row. I usually respond to the texts within 24 hours but not right away; however, the past three texts, I haven't responded to. I didn't hear from him at all over the weekend, which is odd because mainly he contacts at least every other day. I know he is happy with the new guy. He told me so. They work together and are pretty much living together, too... so I don't think he's having regrets. We all do theatre in the city I live in, so EVERYONE is starting to know and tells me that they see them together, etc. It sucks. On Saturday, someone told me that she saw them on Thursday night together after a show, and everyone felt it was awkward, but that there was some PDA going on, etc. She also told me that he and the new guy are coming to my show this upcoming weekend... grrgh. I just don't get it. I don't understand why he contacts if he's so happy with the new guy. I don't think he has regrets yet (if he ever will) because all his time is filled by fun, spontaneous things with the new guy. He left almost a month ago now, and they're together nonstop.

 

I'm having the hardest time moving forward. Ten years is a looooong time. We talked everyday for 10 years and lived together for 7 years... so basically, I saw him a lot. Now, I've seen him only 3 times in about a month and only spoken on the phone twice. It is very hard. I am worried that if I keep ignoring him that he'll eventually disappear, and I do not know if I want that or not. I do love him and miss him, and maybe eventually, if he never wants to reconcile, I'd like a friendship, simply because we were together so long.

 

Miss Kitty-- why should they be jealous of another person? They're the ones who LEFT for another person. Sucks.

[JohJoh525]

So, yesterday, right after I posted, I got another text... "How did the weekend of shows go?" I chose to ignore it. I think that everytime he texts, there is some other reason behind it, and I was right. He texted again, "I just wondered... Hey, do you have my bank acct number handy, etc." It's always something that he needs me to do for him. I sent him some angry texts, and I asked him not to contact me again unless it was important (financially), OR if he realized he made a mistake and wanted to fix it. I was very angry, so I said some other things, too, that I cannot repost here. Anyhow, he didn't text me anymore yesterday. We'll see what happens...

[mattguy]

So, yesterday, right after I posted, I got another text... "How did the weekend of shows go?" I chose to ignore it. I think that everytime he texts, there is some other reason behind it, and I was right. He texted again, "I just wondered... Hey, do you have my bank acct number handy, etc." It's always something that he needs me to do for him. I sent him some angry texts, and I asked him not to contact me again unless it was important (financially), OR if he realized he made a mistake and wanted to fix it. I was very angry, so I said some other things, too, that I cannot repost here. Anyhow, he didn't text me anymore yesterday. We'll see what happens...

 

 

ive seen my ex 2 times, each time i feel sick after because i get a high when he is near me. he told me how much he misses me and how hes all mixed up, he would let me go from a hug and we almost kissed. he doesnt want to be around me in person bc hes scared of something happening. but if something might happen why not just let it happen and give us another chance/

[Tanzi]

Its been a few weeks and Im doing a bit better, I started to see someone new but we are taking it VERY VERY slowly.

 

the last time I heard from the ex he was basically telling me to leave him alone. so I did.

 

Now he is txting me everyday at the same time with something random like " oh I saw such and such and it reminded me of you"

 

he called the other morning , and I thought he wanted something, but it was just to chat ...

 

he also told me he wants to have lunch soon...

 

Exactly the same thing happened to me. After my ex built my hopes up really high only to drop me again I lost it with him big time and he basically told me to move on. Never ever has anyone said that to me and never has something hit me so hard. How dare he always be the one to contact me and have the cheek to tell me to move on!!

 

So that is exactly what I did and eventually I started seeing someone else. When my ex found out he upped his contact ten-fold. He told me how sorry he was that things hadn't worked out between us, he constantly told me how beautiful and lovely I was and even managed to mention in one conversation (on MSN) that he loved me (albeit in a flippant way) three times.

 

However, oddly enough when that relationship broke down he started backing off. So I backed off too ... ignoring his texts and not signing into MSN ... so back he comes, worried that I'm seeing someone else. He questionned me about it and asked me to swear that I was telling the truth and saying he wants to come and see me (we live over 5 hours apart). He still hasn't yet though.

 

I have no idea what any of it means and I completely understand how confused you must be. I was told several times on eNA that unless he is telling me he wants us to get back together then it basically means nothing. I can see that, so in that respect both you and I need to carry on moving on. If your ex really wanted you back, as you are hoping, then I am sure he would have made a way of telling you by now.

[JohJoh525]

It's all so crazy. After I sent my "angry texts" yesterday, he responded today saying that the texts I sent were really mean though he probably deserved much of it, and he also said that they hurt him. We also talked today on the phone because we are trying to square away our finances, and of course, it turned into a mini-argument for both of us. After, he texted me to say he was again sorry for the situation he put me in with all this. It literally drives me crazy. I'm anxious to get everything financially separated to see if he'll still be contacting after that. Truly, I miss him and love him tons. It's so weird to not see or talk to him or know anything about his day after 10 years of knowing everything. Everyone, and I mean everyone, who knows him and the new guy swear it's going to fail, especially since they're moving so quickly, but I'm worried that it'll last... Grrr.