separate vacations?

[backsplash]

Just curious..what are people's experiences and opinions about being married and going on separate vacations? Curious about couples with and without kids....

 

I'm interested in general responses, but what sparked my question is that my mother asked me if I would like to go on vacation with her, she'd pay since it would be a birthday gift. My husband has gone on overnight trips without me for sports things. And he has gone away for a few nights for the same reason....but my trip would be somewhere warm and beachy-someplace he'd love to go to as well. I also feel like a hypocrite because I always tell him I'd love to go when he goes to a sporting event because it sounds fun. I've also said that when we have kids, I'd like if we could go as a family. As a side notes, we do go away together too.

 

So...now my mother asks me to go on an amazing trip-it sounds inviting, but in my heart I'd rather my husband and I not take longer trips without eachother. But maybe I'm nuts to pass it up!

Anyway, what are your experiences???

[FarthestEdge]

I always thought it was a bad idea for couples to take separate vacations when I was younger....but my thoughts on the matter have changed.

 

DH and I have some places we'd both like to see, and others the other isn't the least bit interested in. For example, he'd love to see Australia, I'd love to see Egypt. But neither of us are interested in the other's dream on these specific locales....We've both decided it would be a horrible waste of money and vacation time for us to accompany the other on those journeys. So we will look for other travel companions who share our interests. My husband may even take one or both of our sons when the time comes....

 

I think it's important to take vacations together, for sure, it's great for your relationship. But I also think it's important that you don't pass up on other opportunities by some misguided "I can't go without him/her" principle. Then you are both sacrificing something for an ideal that neither of you may even care about.....

 

A trip with your mom is a special thing. There's nothing wrong with wanting to take a mother-daughter trip. I have done this with my mom & sister. Yeah, it bothered me to be where we were without DH (it was a very romantic city), but at the same time, I now have a memory of a trip that would have been distinctly different, had he come too.

 

IMO as long as you aren't taking the vacation specifically to get away from your spouse, and as long as you can be happy for your spouse to go have an experience that is important to him/her (which you should be able to do), there's no harm in occasional separate vacations, and in fact, they could strengthen your marriage because you each get the opportunity to demonstrate to your spouse that you want to support them in fulfilling their dreams, and experience the knowledge that they support you in yours.....

[blueeyedme]

Well, my wife used to like to take separate vacations... of course she has been an ex-wife for 10 years now but that's another story.

 

Seriously, I don't see any issue at all with you taking a vacation with your mom. It's time you will always remember and can never get back when shes gone. I have done many hunting/fishing trip with my father over the years and it's always a special time.

[jengh]

I think the fact that it's with your mom changes things. I think it makes it kind of special and wouldn't pass up an opportunity to spend some quality time together (but then again, my mom is horrible to me and I'd kill for a good relationship).

[alli]

I'm going on a vacation to the Bahamas with my mom & my sister in a week. My fiance isn't going. He doesn't have the vacation time & wouldn't consider a trip with my mom & sister very fun anyway!!

[Circe]

I think it's only ok if you are both genuinely happy with doing it that way.

 

My parents-in-law used to do things that way but they didn't have the closest of relationships.

 

My husband and I do not vacation separately. I've turned down more than one offer from friends because it wouldn't be fair to him. But if you are both genuinely happy with doing it that way - why not?

[backsplash]

Thank you for the feedback everyone

What stands out on my mind is the "if we are both happy with it". And after talking with my mom and thinking, I think the truth is that I want to join him in the fun getaways he has sometimes-but I am never ever invited.

If I was invited I'd probably give him space but also go every now and then

My mom told me tonight that he'd be more than welcome on the trip but she didn't suggest it because she feels bad that he doesn't invite me on his sports trip

I have been guilty of being jealous and overly worried on my marriage but this feels different, Ive been feeling just left out

On truth of love for him to go with us but why shouldi ask him you know?

[alli]

Have you ever told your husband you WANT to go with him? Maybe he sees it as a "boys only" trip. My bf goes on ice fishing trips on weekends which I have no problem with not attending!! I always end up working then anyway, but even if he invited me, I wouldn't really want to go. Maybe he has no idea you are feeling left out?

 

As for inviting your husband on this trip with your mom, if you want him to go, invite him!! Maybe it would be a good way to show him that you'd like to join together when one of you goes on a trip, rather than "Well if he never invites me than I'm not gunna invite him". Maybe you can agree on some sort of compromise... like you attend every-other trip? So he can still have the boys time a lot but you don't feel so left out?

 

If he really doesn't want you to go, maybe you can plan your own trip with your girlfriends over the same weekend? Do you even like sporting events anyway?

[absinthe]

In your situation, I would talk to your husband about it. He should be able to understand that your mother wants some time alone with you, as well as possibly a vacation companion for herself.

 

Separate vacations never bothered me, due to trying to time work scheds with my first husband. Sometimes we managed to line up our scheds, other times not. No big deal, especially since we were both workaholics.

 

With my current husband, he's been away a few times already but mostly for weekend trips, like a Vegas bachelor party for his friend, etc. If he wanted to get away for a vacation with the boys, I wouldn't begrudge him one bit, especially since I won't go anywhere too exotic due to pregnancy. If I wanted to get away with the girls, he wouldn't begrudge me either, especially since he tends to work 60+ hours/week.

[backsplash]

In response -i do like sports event

I don't follow a lot,but have always enjoyed big sports events and watching anything live is great. I couldn't get my eyes off the TV for the Superbowl

We talked last night and I told him I'd like to go in the future and that I feel left out sometimes I also said I wouldn't go ALL the time so he can have his space to

he responded positively so we willsee what happens,but at least I got it out in a non confrontational way. I asked him if he'd like to go withme and my mom.he said he'd think about it because maybe it would be nice for her and I to go alone since we never do that

[amtjrtcet]

I'm a newly wed, but I go on a girls trip every yr with a few of my closest friends on memorial day wknd. We always go to the beach....This will be the first time for me to go on my 'girls trip' as a married woman, but my husband doesn't care one bit. We actually had this discussion the other day. He said 'why would I mind? That's one of the things that attracted me to you so much, that you kept on being you and doing your things after we met."

 

So, I think as long as you too discuss it then no problem.