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Please help me, I really need some advice about this guy.


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Hey, so I've posted before about this guy I met last March. Please read and give me feedback, I really need some help.


To summarize my previous post, we've hooked up twice since I met him. The one time in march, then later in september. He was really drunk and we couldn't actually have sex because he was having problems, aside from these times I don't generally talk to him. Three weeks after the second time, i added him on facebook tho we never talked through it and once we crossed paths walking down the street, we both said hi and he sort of turned to me and asked me how I was doing but I was caught off guard and we didn't really talk, I just kept walking.



Anyways, after the first time, I figured he wasn't interested, and eventually started dating someone else last summer. Since the time in september though I haven't been able to get him off my mind aside from some hung up feelings over my ex from the summer, which are mostly faded now.


I saw him last friday and after we talked for a bit, he asked me if I wanted to go home with him. I didn't really say anything and felt kinda confused because I didn't want to have another one nightstand with him but I’m obviously attracted to him so at the same time the temptation was there.


He pulled me over to get our coats and one of his female friends approached me. She introduced herself and could tell something was wrong and pulled me away from him so we could chat. I told her I didn't want to let myself be used by him and that I genuinely like him. She told me he’s her best friend, he’s the nicest guy ever and he doesn’t go home with girls often unless he likes them.


So I went with him and when we eventually started to get physical, I couldn’t really get into it. We mostly just fooled around because he couldn’t get inside of me because I couldn’t get wet. He thought it was because I was drunk but it was because I was having reservations about what was happening.


The next morning, he was cuddling with me and being affectionate. We fooled around some more and we managed to have some sex. It didn’t go very long though, I don’t know if he came because there was really no indication that he did. He could of just been very subtle tho, either way he pulled out and started doing stuff for me.


I left around noon, he offered to drive me home but I said I’d just walk. When we were at the door saying by, he kissed me and started making out with me, then after I put my boots on, he kissed me and started making out with me again. Then when I finally left, he said, “I’ll see you later”.


Anyways, my sister and my friends all told me I should message him through facebook this time. That I shouldn’t just leave it alone. So apprehensively I did. This is what I sent:


Hey, how’s it going?


Ever heard of a movie called Brain Dead (aka Dead Alive)? It’s a ridiculous zombie movie my roommate was watching, basically with horrible acting and over the top violence, which can be summed up by a guy strapping a lawnmower to his chest and running into a crowd of zombies. You should check it out, I think you might enjoy it =)


And a couple hours later, this was his response:


oh yeah definitely, I have that one. You know what's crazy about that movie, Peter Jackson directed it.


It sort of left me even more apprehensive, because while it does seem like that something I could respond to, at the same time maybe he didn’t want a response. My friends encouraged me to respond again. He sent this at 11:30 at night and I finally responded the next day about 8pm:

Yeah I know, it is weird eh? Considering he went from directing movies with a grown man beating the crap out of an obvious prop baby doll to epic CGI lord of the rings haha. You know any other movies like that?


Immediately after he came online, and he had activity on his wall but he didn’t respond again. Did I do the wrong thing? Should I of just left it alone?


I thought that maybe if I saw him at a bar again and he approached me, I could just tell him one nightstands aren’t my thing, rather than pursue something through facebook. My friends say he could still respond but I think they’re just doing what friends do and are trying not to discourage me.


If he doesn’t respond over the next few days, what should I do? Delete him from facebook? Message him and apologize for trying to talk to him?


I thought maybe I could message him and be like sorry I bothered you, I just thought that maybe we could of hung out sometime cuz the ways things have been in the past, we probably won’t bump into each other for another 4-6 months


Please, give me some advice and opinions. I’d really appreciate some honesty.


Oh btw, he's 24 and I'm 20.

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Don't message him again. If messaging him before made you feel this way, doing it again will only make you feel worse.


You should not have to apologize just for TALKING to the guy you just had sex with.


If he doesn't want to talk to you, then it's his problem and his loss.


Make sense?

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Yea I wouldn't message him again. I guess I'll be honest because I'm in a similar situation. Of course everyone is different and the guy your talking to is no doubt different than me... but here's my take.


He probably likes you.. but not in a relationship kind of way maybe more in a friend way? Maybe hes not ready for a relationship. He could just be looking for a friend with benefits situation and see it as that.

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Thank you very much for responding, I agree I shouldn't message him again, even if he responds, which I doubt he will.


I don't think he's seeing anyone, based on what his friend was saying at the bar but I guess I don't really know for sure right.


If I see him again and he approaches me, what should I do? Should I be nice but turn him down if he tries to take me home or should I tell him I'd rather be just friends than friends with benefits? Or should I ignore him? Or say something totally different, I'm not that experienced with guys so I don't know what to do in these situations


Theres also the possibility now that he wouldn't even approach me if I saw him so I guess there's that option too

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Hm well it depends. I mean if you tell him you'd rather just be friends I'm sure he would be fine with that. Are you sure you could do that because you say you are attracted to him?


I guess in my situation I am friends with the girl. We hang out fairly often maybe once a week. I think shes a fun person and I want her friendship. I know personally tho I'm not really looking for a relationship. So if she wants to be friends awesome. If she wants to hook up I say what the heck cause it's not like I'm not attracted to her. So I just kinda go with the flow.

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If he's interested in dating you, he'll ask you out on a date. If he's interested in a booty call, he'll ask you to come over again, (as he did before). If you want to tell him that "one night stands are not your thing", it might be a little too late, since the horse is already out.

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I wish I could hang out with him that the thing. The only time I ever see him is if we run into each other at a bar, I wanted to ask him if he wanted to hang out sometime but I was scared he'd ignore me so I recommend a movie I thought he'd like instead, just to generate conversation.


As far as being a booty call goes, I know its probably too late, I wanted to tell him I wasn't into them the second time it happened but that time and last time I was too shy to bring it up. Which is totally messed up. I can have sex with him, but I can't talk to him about whether or not I'm ready for it to go that way?


I know I probably have no chance with him and it sucks because we do have a lot of similar interests and I don't think he found our conversations boring, though he was probably only interested in getting me into bed now that i think about it.

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