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It's finally happened....


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I've healed!

 

It's all so much better now. Now that I got the answers I needed to move on.

 

Before it was all about whether or not she was messing me about. She tried to turn it round & blame me...

 

...But she was the one lying about that stuff, and continued to do so during this talk of 'us', so she wouldn't have done that if she was sincere about me & her getting together.

 

Today I thought I saw her and my heart was in my mouth (for about 4 seconds). I guess on some level i'm still physically attracted to her, but the desire for her is not there anymore. She messed me about and messed my head up needlessly...who cares about aesthetics when she's that screwed up? lol

 

I think the 'heart in mouth' feeling isn't any longing for her at all. I think it's a mix of anger (for what she did), fear (for who she really is) and remembered anxiety (remembering how I felt before).

 

Because she told me the 'fake' kid died...it was like a present from above. It took away that 0.0001% doubt in my mind that she actually had a child to begin with.

 

So, as she told me that 'my kid comes first, be patient for me to sort things" and "my ex will still be around, he's adam's dad & nothings going to change that" this means that she had no intention of being with me, because she'd know that i may have forgiven her for lying when we were just friends, but wouldn't if continuing the lie during 'us'.

 

Plus she said he broke his arm in a 'hit and 'run' and all sorts of nonsence during that time. How horrible to do that to a friend.

 

Anyway...I cannot have any sort of feelings for someone who would treat me that way. Thing is, i'd prob have forgiven her for lying during the friendship, but that would have been a huge mistake, and only now can I fully appreciate that fact.

 

What an experience, lol

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She was a fruitcake. Consider yourself liberated.

 

I do...Took a while though

 

Bullet dodged don't you think?

 

As far as the heart in the mouth thing. It happens but just see it for what it is like you have been doing and move on.

 

Lost

 

definitely...used that expression many times!!!

 

She's got a personality disorder i'm sure. Could never be with someone I don't trust and she has proven to be extremely untrustworthy, wouldn't you say? To say u were raped & had a kid from it is nuts. To carry on the lie for 2 & 1/2 years is worse...as is using it against me.

 

At one point I thought maybe she was stalling bcoz she didn't know how to tell me, but she wouldn't have carried on the lying about it...It would be a deal breaker and she knew it!

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Weren't you going to talk to some female friend of yours that might be interested in you (even though she is seeing some other guy)?

 

Focus on that.. let us know how that goes! Forget this crazy broad you're talking about here.

 

Well she messaged me today. We were exchanging info about the course we are on. The soccer player she started seeing was in todays paper & the rest of the convo went like this

 

Me: I saw your man in the paper today. Good he's getting a chance to show what he can do.

 

Her: Yeah, I saw it, lol. Weird seeing him in the papers though.

 

Me: Well get used to it...your a WAG now (Edit: this means a footballers wife or girlfriend)

 

Her: ha, no chance! I'm bored already haha

 

Me: Serial Dater, Eh?

 

Her: lol, Nooo just enjoy my little space and time with my friends you know?

 

Me: lol yeah. You getting up to much at the weekend?

 

Her: Not too much...Just see what happens

 

Me: Well, have a nice valentine's day (your card is in the post, lol) & i'll see you Wednesday

 

Her: Yeah, you too!!! aw thanx haha

 

 

 

So...thoughts? Think it was a bit strong to joke about valentine's day card???? Thought it strange she'd tell me she was bored with this guy?

 

 

 

.

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Do you care if she's bored?

 

She's got a screw loose. Come on.

 

lol, no this is a different girl i'm talking about there. It's a girl in college that I like, but think she may be too attractive to be interested in me. But we get along well, so who knows

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By the by...These last couple of weeks have been fantastic. It's been a long hard struggle for 8 months. To think I wasted all that time and energy on someone who was messing my about, when I could have been out there looking for a girl that deserves me.

 

I'm kinda glad it happened though. It certainly made me stronger & more aware of what is the right and decent way to behave to the other person (I did the right things anyway, but her behaviour/attitude showed me why it's important to be that way).

 

I'm a good guy..little shy maybe..but I deserve a good girl who will show me respect and care about my feeling as much as I do about hers. To think i'd put up with someone who would lie about the things she did just because there was a base attraction.

 

Still frightening to think what life would have been like if she was the mother of my child. There would be no way back...no option to 'get out' when I came to my senses about what she is really like.

 

Funny how emotions can cloud our judgement like that.

 

Go Me!!!!

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