feel like he's testing me..

[babii doll]

on the drive out to a buffet place wednesday the bf and i were talking about random things, pretty lighthearted convo and then he asked me this hypothetical question, 'if i was to get hurt in a major way, physically disabled, would you still be there for me and take care of me?'

 

i gave him an honest answer. 'id be there for emotional support, i wouldnt leave him but i dont think i could physically handle the care alone' a nurse would be a better option for that.

 

he sounded suprised, like it wasnt the answer he wanted to hear. instead he wanted to hear that i would take on everything alone. in his words be there to wash his a-- if he was disabled, because he would do the same for me. riiight

 

he even asked me a 2nd time later in the evening and again i gave him the same answer.

 

while we were at the buffet place he randomly said 'when are we going to get married' sometimes hes hard to read, so i wasnt sure at first if he was being serious. i think it was more that he wanted to see how i would respond. so i called his bluff and told him how about as soon as possible? we could just go to the court house today. then he let out a big gulp

 

then he brought up moving in together and how things would improve on the drive back to my house.

 

i was in the kitchen cleaning at one point and he was talking about how it would be nice to come home from work to see me cooking for us. then he asked me would i cook often? or would takeout be on a regular.

 

i told him id cook often but 1 or 2 nights id take off. and he just said 'cool'

 

he confuses me sometimes with his messages, and random questions.

[d24]

looks like he's very direct and needs to know the answers to some of these things before he gets 'too involved'. i think he's hinting that he wants a homemaker for a wife, look after the kids, have a hot dinner on the table every night, takes care of the house, etc...

 

then again, maybe he's a free thinker and just quirky?

[JackAfrica]

Simple questions just need simple answers.

 

He was "auditioning" you. He wanted to hear whether your beliefs about domestic arrangements and your respective roles in a permanent relationship matched his.

 

Smart guy.

 

BTW, his answers indicate that you are a successful candidate- you got the job.

[jul-els]

The way he's going about asking you is kinda haphazard. If he wants to discuss where things are heading he should sit down and have a discussion with you, instead of lobbing random questions out into the air. If you're wondering what it's all leading to then you should probably take the initiative and sit him down and talk about it.

[Jd1983]

^ I agree with Jul-els.

 

To be honest, I hate questions like that. They're equivalent to - If we were drowning, who would you save first, me or your mom? Unfortunately, I use to ask those questions when I was younger with my ex bf's. Luckily, I outgrew that stage.

 

Questions like these make no sense to me, because it's not always a guarantee that whatever you say will always turn out that way. I.e. - My first serious bf told me that he would die for me, and one time while I was about to break up with him he threatened that if I would he would've stabbed himself. Sure, fast forward half a year later he leaves me for another girl.

 

If you are your bf have plans on settling down, then you should have a straight forward conversation and let him know how you feel and vice versa.

[babii doll]

Simple questions just need simple answers.

 

He was "auditioning" you. He wanted to hear whether your beliefs about domestic arrangements and your respective roles in a permanent relationship matched his.

 

Smart guy.

 

BTW, his answers indicate that you are a successful candidate- you got the job.

 

gee thanks lol. ya it definitely felt like i was being auditioned. i guess after 2 years of dating i thought we were past that 'phase' of things. hm i wouldve preferred he took a direct approach.

[annie24]

lol, he sounds like a traditional serb man, wants the woman cooking for him all the time, and doting on his every need. is he ready to take on the traditional male role? provide for everything, etc...? (and in your hypothetical situation, you'd have to get a nurse because if he can't work, you would have to work to support the family).

 

on the plus side, he's talking about marriage and future plans, and that is very positive.

[JeckyllNHyde]

I think he was taking a direct approach. He wanted to know if you're with him for the long haul.. willing to stick by him thru thick and thin.

I guess kinda like a woman wanting to know if a guy will stay with her when she has lost her figure (or IF she loses it), etc.

 

Looks like he's hinting at living together.

[babii doll]

lol, he sounds like a traditional serb man, wants the woman cooking for him all the time, and doting on his every need. is he ready to take on the traditional male role? provide for everything, etc...? (and in your hypothetical situation, you'd have to get a nurse because if he can't work, you would have to work to support the family.

 

this is exactly what i took from it. i know his mother takes care of everything, cooking, cleaning etc so hes expecting the same out of a SO. which i have no problem assuming a submissive role and letting him take the lead as far as work etc is concerned. hes not where he wants to be career-wise yet so for now i dont think he is confident in taking on that role.

[babii doll]

Looks like he's hinting at living together.

 

we've been talking about it more often lately, i know he wants to, but we are hitting a snag as far as where, location wise. hopefully we can compromise on that.

[annie24]

this is exactly what i took from it. i know his mother takes care of everything, cooking, cleaning etc so hes expecting the same out of a SO. which i have no problem assuming a submissive role and letting him take the lead as far as work etc is concerned. hes not where he wants to be career-wise yet so for now i dont think he is confident in taking on that role.

 

 

oh yes, it's all about traditional gender roles. i bet when he gets his career on track that he will be very open to marriage. it's good you guys are talking about these issues!