help please! loves me but wants to break up?

[topdog_9]

My boyfriend of 4 years just broke up with me. this is coming out of no where. we did argue a lot but were very much in love. The thing that gets me the most is that he says that he still loves me more than anything and isn't looking for anyone else. He just needs time to himself for a while. he just told me a month ago he loves me more than anything and can't live without me. This is the second time he has done this to me though. He told me that we were on our way to marriage and he isn't ready for that. he also says that there are many things he still wants to do and he is still young. I am 20 and he is 21. i am so confused. i am trying not to get upset and it really hasn't hit me yet but what the hell? how many times is he going to do this to me?

[tina-rocks]

I am so sorry you are suffering topdog, I know how much pain you are in.

 

It's hard to understand when the person we love the most walks out on our lives, with seemingly no explanation and even harder when they do it under the pretense that they still love you.. I am sure this can be the case for some, but if you do love someone, why would you leave. Stay and work out your issues, then if after you have exhausted that avenue, if it still doesn't work you could both then mutually agree to end your relationship.

 

In most cases the love has died which results in the relationship finishing.

 

Take a step away from this for a second and allow yourself to fully comprehend what has happened. Take deep breaths for me and let it all sink in calmly. You may find you remember things he has said that could have led to this breakdown.

 

The problem is that your emotions are all over the place at the moment and the sound ringing in your ears is. "he still loves me more than anything" Leaving you with this one question. Why?

 

If you need to talk I am here, just try to keep calm for me and rationally think about everything he said.. Get out of four walls and get fresh air into your lungs and look at the beauty of nature for a second.. Sounds silly but it works.

 

Your not alone.

 

Christina x (hugs)

[Crazyaboutdogs]

This is now the second time he has done this to you. Clearly he is not ready to settle down at this point. If he really truly loved you he would not have broken up with you yet again. Sometimes it takes a break up for people to realize how much the other person meant to them. If he did this to you once before then this second time around should have been it and he would not be so ready to throw it away again..and yet that is what he is doing. As much as it hurts, you need to walk away from him and don't look back. He is not interested in committing to you for the long-term and saying he loves you just doesn't correspond to his actions.

[topdog_9]

thank you christina. your words have helped me. The fact that this is the second time he has done this makes me feel like such an idiot. why did i go back the first time?? it also makes me feel like this break up won't last...which makes this even harder for me. The fact that valentines day is around the corner doesn't help either.

[tina-rocks]

I know how hard this is for you honestly I do, you have been left totally confused by his profession of love, and yet he left... Leaves you with so many unanswered questions which eat away at your very soul.

 

He could very well come crawling back, but the person who is hurting in this is you yourself.

 

Like CAD just said, he has already done this once and someone who truly loves you would not leave. They would find a way to resolve whatever issues you might now. Not bolt for the door when the going gets tough.

 

I know Valentines day is just around the corner, trust me I have not forgotten that one myself, but your heart is in pieces because he has left again, and you have ask yourself. How many times are you going to allow him to hurt you this way, when all you have done is love him.

 

Relationships require work to sustain them, but where one is not willing to do that how can they survive.

 

I need you to step away from this just for a bit today, to allow yourself time to digest it properly. Clarity is what you need, and a reality nugget to help you to understand the real reason for his leaving.

 

I am here for you and you are not alone. You will get through this I promise you that.

 

Christina x

[minou]

Some people just aren't ready to settle down that young. If you can, send signals out that you're moving on. If he really loves you, he won't let you get away. If he is willing to risk losing you, he's not really right for you at this point. Go out with other people for now. Sorry you're hurting so much.

[topdog_9]

thanks everyone for the support! i really appreciate all the kind words and advice. i am so shocked he is doing this again. i am trying to get through the day Christina. i hardly got sleep last night =\