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Talked to the ex


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three months to the day that we broke up. I sent her an email..apologizing for pressuring her about sex..she called me and we talked ...she said she thought I was beating myself up in the email...but otherwise it was the most cordial

conversation we've had since the split...she said let's just talk on the phone in the future..there was no bitterness...great rapport..we laughed and caught up...I did not mention anything about getting together in the future..she talked about going to dancing lessons (so I know she's meeting new guys) I didn't press her for info on this...we talked about movies we'd seen and were planning to see...it was really like old times minus the I love you's at the end of the call...I just don't think I'll ever find anyone that I hit it off with as much as her...I was proud of myself that I didn't fall apart with her..but it still gives me hope that in a month or so I can contact her or she'll contact me and we'll reunite...but I get the sense that even though she is very interested in me..she is not interested in me as a romantic partner...and it is so hard because we click like I've never clicked with anyone else...she thanked me for apoligizing (the email) hearing her voice was like nectar from the angels...help me

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I know I know..it just kills me. I know she loves me..she just won't allow herself to come back. Maybe I should just tell her, unless you're willing to reconcile...don't talk to me...I feel insane...I love her so much..she sent me a birthday card..she is very interested in my life..asking about my family and job etc....Do you think I ought to explore with her the reason(s) she fell out of love with me..or so she thinks? I got to get this resolved..

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I would disappear and mean it. As long as you hold on, you never move forward. Existing in a world where you're sure there's not that special person thinking about you, when you're so used to that dynamic, is tough. It's a big adjustment. However, we all have to make it from time to time, or at least eventually. If you don't start the process, you can never get to the end of it.

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I know I know..it just kills me. I know she loves me..she just won't allow herself to come back. Maybe I should just tell her, unless you're willing to reconcile...don't talk to me...I feel insane...I love her so much..she sent me a birthday card..she is very interested in my life..asking about my family and job etc....Do you think I ought to explore with her the reason(s) she fell out of love with me..or so she thinks? I got to get this resolved..

 

I'm sure she still has feelings for you, but for whatever reason, she cannot be with you. You have to be kind to yourself and try to accept this. I know you are trying to hold on by being around as a friend, but the state you are in at the moment, you just can't handle that. I've been there myself. Being friends with her is not going to change her mind, all it will do is stop you from moving on and prolong this hurt you are feeling. You need a period of NC to get yourself back on your feet, then you can lookat being friends with her, but you have to heal from this first.

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But SHE IT THAT SPECIAL PERSON! And she is thinking about me...how many exes send birthday cards? Am I grasping at straws? I feel like WE BELONG TOGETHER...I KNOW WE DO...AM I JUST SCREWED???????

 

I understand this way of thinking all too well, but she ISN'T that special person if she doesn't feel the same way as you do. I am actually surprised that she is willing to be friends so soon given that she knows how you feel about her.

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freinds defined as she calls me only if I initiate contact first...we are older 50's it's really harder to meet people at this age...

 

I know how old you are. It might be harder to meet people that age, but very possible. But you have to get over this and meet someone new. What other option do you have? You can choose to heal from this, or you can stay in touch with her hoping she will come back whilst the months/years tick by making it even harder to meet someone.

 

I actually feel pretty good. It was amazing talking to her again without the drama..

 

 

I think this is because you are on a high after talking to her. It will soon fade and you will be feeling the same, if not worse again. I know I may sound harsh, but I really don't mean to.

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Aw I'm really sorry you are feeling this way. You just have to not have contact with her for a while. I wouldn't say it is necessary to change your phone number as you initiate the contact. I wish there was something I could do. It's a long and painful process but NC helps that.

 

There isn't much I can say other than go NC, stick to it and keep yourself busy by going out with friends and what not. It will get easier in time.

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I'm so sorry you feel so bad about this, I know the intensity of the emotions you are feeling as I have been where you are. I found this link (I think it was someone on ENA) and it has become a kind of mantra (albeit a long one).

 

It has helped me so much.

 

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This is what I miss most about the ex...the conversations we had. We could spark a 3-4 hour long conversation starting with talking about how weird the crack on the wall looked. It was amazing! I have learned to see her in a different light, and wish she would do the same! All I really want is my friend back!

 

If you can handle keeping contact with her, but moving on, I wouldn't advise you any different. I doubt you would be able to, but who knows! If you can remove hope for reconciliation, and treat this as a new person, you might be able to keep a good friend, and still work on yourself. Im inclined to tell you to ween yourself off of her and do your best at No Contact.

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