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Parents totally discouraged me today


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Firstly, I am from a poor family, with parents who work a lot for their children, me and my brother. They have sustained us financially so far.

I was always above average at studies so I started university, being entirely financed through scholarships and grants, and really enjoyed what I study.


The problem is this: I'd say that I was EXTREMELY unexperienced with relationships, dating, etc. and it is with college that I started meeting women who reciprocated my interest.

i.e. before college I had almost zero social/romantic life

On top of that I am highly philosophical and overanalytical.


In my third and fourth year at college I had my first true romantic story which however was a total failure. I could not concentrate on my studies from the first day: I was excited about her, I had doubts, I had to plan, I really spent at least 95% of my time on this relationship.

It ended very dramatically and, probably due to my inexperience, I was depressed and unfocused for almost 2 years.


I lost my scholarship and have to take a year extra, for which my parents have to pay quite a lot.


My parents usually rely on my since school and never control me, but ever since I had to pay they keep asking me every day, scold me if I failed an exam, etc.

The point is that I am studying for the exams of 2 years in 1 month in order to graduate as early as possible, and it is possible to fail.


I didn't tell my parents the background of why I was inefficient (never told them about the girl) and because of that, now they even told me to drop out from university and "do something more useful for you".


Basically, they don't trust me anymore, they think I won't be able to graduate. Whereas I know that if I focus I can get top grades without much effort...


Still... this is the first time in my whole life that my parents started getting angry with me about this, and told me to drop out... all that totally destroyed my ambition and motivation to move out of my depression and study properly again as I did in the past...

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I'm really sorry about all this - it sounds pretty awful. Your parents are being like that because the financial burden on them can cause massive stress - so you have to forgive them for being discouraging right now. As you said, they don't know why you dropped your game before.. they don't know about the girl - so they are probably really confused as to why things changed and freaking out a bit.


Don't worry about them and focus 100% on blitzing those exams!

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Can I ask why you haven't told them about the girl?


I told my mother, who is a bit more understanding, but didn't tell my father because he had a similar story when he was young and probably would be angrier if he heard that I was involved in such a thing.


Still, they wouldn't understand why I would become so depressed and unfocused "just because of a girl".


The point is also that I mix many different issues around the romantic failure... religious/philosophical doubts... questions, questions, questions, questions... spending time on the internet looking for answers... in general, trying to understand what makes relationships happen, succeed and fail...

and what's their role in our meaning of life... our purpose, goals, etc.


In simple words: I enter a real existential crisis when I have this kind of problems.

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