Jump to content

For people further along in healing: Is this normal?


Recommended Posts

So I haven't been around here that often for the last month, just once in a while. The main reason is that I have been feeling a lot better about everything while being much busier than usual. I am trying to maintain a busy, active schedule, since I think it has been more helpful than anything else.

 

I still feel really sad sometimes though. Its not debilitating anymore, but it doesn't feel less painful. I guess I have just gotten used to it, and it isn't anywhere near as often anymore. I still miss being with my ex a lot. I have been on dates, and recently have had an on and off fling with a girl. I am actively looking for someone I am interested in, but haven't found it yet. Is it normal to have these remaining sad feelings even though I really feel like I have healed?

 

Also, I still see my ex a few times a week (never for more than a half hour or so) and we are on friendly terms. There isn't a way for me to completely cut her out of my life while I am at school with her (we have to see each other for class, etc), so I figure keeping a friendly but not close relationship is the way to go there. I guess that probably contributes a little to keeping the feelings around, but I can't come up with a better solution for now. Also, she talks to me a lot (for the amount of time we spend together) about a fraternity brother of mine who lives next door to me, has a girlfriend, but that she had a short fling with her freshman year. Is it weird that this bothers me? They do have a class together, but that's not what she talks about. I'm not stupid enough to point it out to her, but I definitely notice every time she brings him up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're right: seeing her and talking to her are preventing you from healing. If you do want this person to be a friend, it's best you be friends with her sometime in the future after you've had the chance to get past this. Severing is the best thing for anyone in your situation; it gives you the chance to go through the stages of grief, and to focus on yourself and what you can do to better your situation. Now is the time for YOU.

 

I don't know how long it's been for you. It's been seven months for me (coming out of a 11 year "relationship"), and I still have moments of sadness. It has lessened over time, and I expect it will only get better. But yes, it's normal to still feel sadness-- mainly because most people are convinced they're fully healed when they aren't. Just look at how she's upsetting you with her talk about this frat brother of yours. If you were completely okay by now, this sort of talk wouldn't bother you. You would have moved on by now and come to the realization that you have complete control over your life and she doesn't affect it. But she does, and you let her.

If you do want her to be your friend in the future, I would suggest severing for the moment. Explain to her why (that you need some time to get over this), but that you would like to continue a friendship with her in the future. You say you can't completely sever because you have classes together, but that doesn't mean you need to speak with her or even know what's going on in her life. YOU NEED TO FOCUS ON YOU. Really, severing is by far the best thing you can do for yourself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...