Found my ex and messaged her

[Martin1]

The background:

We lived together for almost a year, it seemed all perfect.. One night she told me she really loves me, I went to work the next day and when I was back home she was gone and her stuff too.

I was soo damn worried, after some days I called the cops and they looked into it, but they said the person doesn't seem to be missing?

Gotta say I never met her parents, they are divorced and she says she never talked to them again.

She abbandoned all friends, noone knew where she is, so I really wondered what happened as the police officer said he wasn't allowed to give me any info. But well she seemed fine and just left me, still wondered why she would tell me how much she loves me the day before leaving.

 

I moved back to my homecountry after this and was back in her country in november, different city.. however I saw her while I was at a trainstation. I screamed her name, she turned around and immediately had tears in her eyes. She could barely speak and just said she's soo sorry, and I should wait her and we can talk in a few hours.

So I was waiting but she never appeared .. It did hurt me, but I'm over her

 

Now I found her on a website, it automaticaly checked my msn contacs on registration and she is a member there .. Looks like shes also active,, account created in 2005 and last login was 1 week ago.

I left her a message, well actually 3 messages. First that I'd like to talk and catch up and that I'm not angry at her. Second my new msn that I just created but it cut part of the message off.. so I've sent a 3rd saying that it was cut off and that she doesn't need to leave the site and that she could just tell me if she really never wants to hear from me again.

 

I feel like the fact that I sent 3 messages already screwed things over.. guess that might give her the feeling I would spam her? I was just nervous and felt weird, sigh

 

Like I said I'm over her but I would really like to be friends with her, cause I think she's a great person. I wouldn't even ask why she did all this to me, guess she just couldn't handle her emotions or whatever.. I forgave her.

 

I also still have problems with the last girl I fell in love with, and everything seems to just go wrong at the moment.. Guess I'd just really need something to work out. And I'm just totaly afraid now that she simply blocks me, cause I'd feel even more horrible than I already do.

 

Should I just leave her alone if she doesn't reply? I feel like if I could make her notice how I feel about all she would surely want me back in her life. Besides I think she isn't doing very well.. at least she has "life sucks" in her statusmessage there.

[Casanova4life]

Leave her alobe. She abandoned you. She's probably another bpd girl. She is psychologically unstable and is unfit to have normal interactions with others. You dodge a bullet with her by not having kids together.

[barrakuda]

Wow that's an amazing story. you could make a really good book out of that. But seriously though, I admire how you seem so cool about it. But I think you tried enough with her, and you should give up the pointless chace; the cake is a lie. So for your own mental sake, let her go.

[Martin1]

Hah I'd have better stories for a book, that's actually one of the more normal things that happened in my life so far, I just seem to step into such situations alot.

 

Well my actual goal is to just be friends, I'm just very attached to people I get to know more. Never really had a family, my first girlfriend died. My former best friend got lost in the world of drugs and even threatened me, cause I once sold out the guy who got him into this. And some more people that were really close to me passed away. It's just each time I get close to someone nowadays I have a hard time letting go cause for me they are my family

And when one of them is in trouble I'd do anything to help, no matter if its good for me or not. I just completely don't know what's in her head. If she just told me to be better off without me, then I would leave her alone but she just seems to ignore me... which leaves me worrying even more.

 

The messages I sent to her were posted in public, cause somehow it only worked that way. It's kinda like a guestbook were you can post in a users profile. She didn't reply yet and right now I seem to be to afraid to check if she was online in the meantime and/or deleted my messages.

 

Sometimes I think it would be better to be a loner, just to not have to deal with any of this.