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6 weeks nc and...


snoopydog

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I'm in the 6th week of nc initiated by the ex, she split us up a couple of months ago after a 2 year relationship. She was very harsh and direct about it. She got rid of her phone, disappeared off msn, moved to another house... basically cut off all contact and told me in no uncertain terms to never contact her again, ever...I finally got the message and sent her a goodbye email and never heard from her again. That was 6 weeks ago.

 

This devastated me as we spent every night together, went away on holidays, planned to get married etc. I would even have moved with her back to her home country in Germany. She is 1 year younger than me.

 

Anyway, about 3 hours ago I log onto msn and can see she is online. The first time in 6 weeks. Although I blocked her I never actually deleted her as I couldn't bring myself to do it...so I could see she was online but she couldnt see me. She's been online for the last 3 hours. Up until now every avenue of communication was blocked. Am I right in thinking this is a sign that she wants to talk to me?

 

I've got two things to say:

 

1. I am very upset right now. I've been struggling lately but since I found this place last week things were slowly starting to improve. Seeing her online has put me back to square one emotionally.

 

2. I haven't appeared online because I guess part of me is scared of rejection and giving her back "the power". Right now I feel like I have some power since I'm in nc... If I go back begging and pleading she could kick me to the kurb and I lose everything I have fought for in progress with nc. Also, I feel if she does want to talk that I'm making it too easy for her by just appearing online... she should write me an email? I know she is still single.

 

The bottom line is I love her more than anything but I want to protect myself from more pain and disappointment. I screwed up by lying to her which is why she left me because she couldn't accept my apology and trust me.

 

I feel like I'm back to square one.

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snoopydog,

 

No I do not think you have it, but your ex seems to exhibit certain characteristics from what you briefly described. You didn't provide specific details about what led to your breakup, but in terms of people suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, there is a tendency to suddenly end relationships when abandonment fears are triggered. They tend to leave no room for reconciliation and their partner goes from being "all good" to "all bad" in their eyes instantaneously. Take everything I am saying with a grain of salt, I am not a trained professional. I would suggest however that you look more into it. There are plenty of resources on the internet.

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Well I'd be careful with what you think is the reason, it might be that she is showing herself to you but it might not. I'm in a similar spot in some ways but my ex, since we started our relationship has always been invisible on MSN, why? Well, she was hiding from her exes. O_o . . .

 

Thing is this type of thinking, where you don't know if it's a reason or your mind is playing tricks on you and on top of this wondering if she is appearing to you just before V day is a bit dangerous to your healing. You could be right back at square one as you say. I know how you feel though, those games are bloody tiring. 6 weeks isn't very long, if you really think she is giving you a sign let her come to you. It's a tough one. Not sure what to advise, I guess I just like the sound of my own typing. I wish you the best.

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Sometimes it is there way of opening the door and hoping you come back into it.

 

Before I got my ex back, it started with the unblocking of facebook followed by little updates on how miserable she was.

 

I hope so.

 

I have a bad feeling. Something tells me she has met someone else and is about to start dating and now thinks we can just be friends because she is over me.

 

Either that or it was some kind of mistake appearing online to me.

 

She's stuck in my head again... need to get it back to how it was yesterday and stop looking for hope.

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