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Am I over-reacting?


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An old and closemale friend of mine, told three years ago that he's in love with me. I gave him a quick "I dont feel the same" answer.

 

Things became awkward so we somehow dissapeared from each other's lives. We got to meet again a year later and I thought we had an understanding that we can never be anything more than friends. He would ask me about my relationship as if out of concern and I realised that he was not happy when I was happy in a relationship, this really irritated me and I kept my distance.

 

A few months after keeping my distance he called me to tell me he is getting married. I was happy for him of course. We got to meet again and I asked who the woman was, he said its a woman he's been dating for 3 years and with whom he has a child, this shocked me as he never mentioned this woman before. His excuse was that he was interested in me at the time and could not tell me about her.

 

Anyway, the fiance stays in a different City and me and him stay in the same city and he calls me all the time and sometimes try to take me out, but I often decline as I suspect he still sees me as more than friends

 

In December, a commn friend of ours called me after a long time of not speaking, and the first thing she said was " Girl, I'm concerned about X (my male friend) as he is getting married but still madly inlove with you.

 

Last week, he told me his fiance was coming to visit on the weekend, and I went "yeah, I'll finally get a chance to meet her". There was a clear discomfort and hesitation in his voice so I said, "well if you want me to". Then he started telling me about how busy the weekend would be and that he would see.

 

The whole weekend, he didnt call. Even if he was busy, he could have called to introduce us on the phone. For someone who considers me his best female friend, I believe it is very appropriate to introduce me to his wife.

 

The bottom line? It really makes me mad to think that he could still be hoping to score with me when he is getting married. For crying out loud, I did not want him when he was single, why on earth would I want him when he is getting married?!!

 

I am planning to confornt him. Am I over-reacting?

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No youre not overreacting. It sounds like youve already established boundaries, but perhaps you need to be a bit more clear.

 

Its a shame hes getting married if hes torn between two women.

 

Thanks Ichiban. I could totally cut him out of my life, but he can be a good friend, which is why I am planning to talk to him and take it from there.

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I doubt the wife even knows you exist.

 

I'd suggest stepping back sharply from this guy. He's trouble. What is he doing marrying a woman when he's still trying to make a move on you? You don't need that kind of drama in your life - what if she found out?

 

I think the same HK, I doubt she even knows about me, she in anyway does, he probably down plays our friend ship. Now that the weekend has passed he is back to suffocating me with his calls!

 

I sometimes wonder why he is getting married at all if his heart is still somewhere else. I cant ask him that of course, lest he thinks I'm even remotely interested.

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