Commitment

[wlh22]

So, I have many threads and have seen how people think differently and behaved differently when it comes to relationships (I am talking about serious relationships). So, I was wondering, what does 'commitment' mean to you?

 

And, honestly, I don't think there should be any difference between the commitment you offer and the commitment you expect.

[ElChup]

Stick with someone through thick and thin unless one partner does something unacceptable like cheat, turn to crime, physically abuse and so on.

[wlh22]

So, what about ' I am just not feeling it anymore ' ...

 

P.S. I am surprised its coming from you (But I know you tend to be very logical in your answers)

[d24]

people continually fall in and out of love and after a certain point in a relationship you're either rebuilding to some degree or on a small decline. you'll go through these cycles naturally but the peaks have to be higher than the troughs are low.

 

another acceptable excuse in my mind is when one person has a dip and doesn't want to get up that curve again. Like you said "just not feeling it". Nothing can be done, and both parties should accept it and move on, but it's hard when you're high and they're low and essentially nothing has changed

[Cognitive_Canine]

So, what about ' I am just not feeling it anymore ' ...

 

P.S. I am surprised its coming from you (But I know you tend to be very logical in your answers)

 

There are some things that can be fixed and some things that can't.

 

I think people should try to stick it out and find that spark again if they lose it but sometimes you just can't get that spark back.

[CaptainNapalm]

To adhere to mutually agreed upon expectations between me and someone else.

[Ding]

I don't know quite exactly how to word what I think commitment is, as I think my idea of committment is a bit messed up - I come from a family where my mum and dad completely seemed to 'stay together for the kids' - now all they do is bicker and snipe at each other and sleep in different rooms. I honestly don't know why they are still together. Their worlds seem so different. I have friends who keep going back to idiot bfs and broken relationships just because they have 'been together so long' and it hurts to not be with them, even though they are miserable. If that is what commitment is, I don't want it. I would rather be alone than co-existing with a person i'm unhappy with for the sake of being committed.

 

I think its important to mention that there is a difference between commitment and staying with someone even though you are unhappy - just for the sake of being committed. Even if no cheating or crime or abuse is involved - even if the other person is generally a lovely person - if they are not right for YOU then there is no point committing yourself to them and the relationship.

 

Lives and goals change, needs change, our ability to put up with things change, our ability to keep finding the energy to 'make it work' changes. I hold out hope that I will find a person with whom I can work through lifes challenges with. I am committed to that idea at least.

[wlh22]

that's exactly I am asking the question in the first place... I think I am trying to understand the difference between 'commiting to somone' vs 'commiting to someone as long as I am happy'

 

Do you know what I am saying.

 

I completely agree that the basic problem (and beauty)of relationships is that it involves two different people , lives , and minds...

 

but still.. I am trying to get my head around this...

 

P.S. if that's the case, the sacred marriage vows, don't mean anything...

[wlh22]

and keep in mind that there is no 100%... you have to appreciate the 80% and the basic good things about your partner (and most importantly that they value you, they love you and they care about you)... I think i can live with a partner like that forever.... if it gets boring, its my fault and i need to work together with her on it... give solutions and not walk out...

 

again thats what i think... wouldn't lives of people be much better that way in this world?

[ElChup]

So, what about ' I am just not feeling it anymore ' ...

 

P.S. I am surprised its coming from you (But I know you tend to be very logical in your answers)

 

Well, commitment only works if someone loves you. If that love ceases then I think there's a problem.

 

In my case my ex's love for me didn't really cease, she just felt that certain things were going to get in the way of her long term happiness. It's the one issue I have resentment over as those issues were resolvable, and that, to me, is a commitment issue.

[wlh22]

Well, commitment only works if someone loves you. If that love ceases then I think there's a problem.

 

In my case my ex's love for me didn't really cease, she just felt that certain things were going to get in the way of her long term happiness. It's the one issue I have resentment over as those issues were resolvable, and that, to me, is a commitment issue.

Exactly...