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Did I end the relationship too early?


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I will try to make this short....


I have been seeing this guy and during the first week i saw him face to face twice.. then in the second week and the third week.. we just contact via phone msg or phone calls or even internet msgs.. it got to a point where he will say he will call me but he conveniently forgets to.. or does call at random times..


I know this guy is a flirt.. and is a sweet talker to the ladies and when i confronted him about what does he want.. he tells me he doesnt know what he wants either.. i asked what are we and he goes.. we are just friends exploring personalities and hopefully it leads to something.. so i gave him another chance and we still contact on the phone..


those times i was with him in person and when we talk on the phone i feel like that we have a connection and i am not just another girl that he fools around with...


then recently this week he does the same thing.. he says he will call at the end of the last phone call but he doesnt..


so i got a hold of him on the phone and said i have a question to ask you.. and i said what are we.. his response is that he knows he is a ba#@$#@ and he doesnt want to hurt me and that he wants to be friends.. i said like friends that meet up and he goes yes.. and i said that we dont even meet.. friends dont treat each other like this .. you say you will call and you dont.. and when something else comes up you drop me..


he told me to call him tomorrow mornings as i am probably angry and need to calm down.. and i go no.. an he goes.. ok i will call you and i said no this is it.. and he said i will call you tomorrow and if you answer you answer.. if you dont you dont..



deep down.. i feel that he does genuinely likes me and do kinda want a relationship with me.. but because he is use to being a player he cant change his ways and its easier to fall back on what he knows..


Did i end this too early? Or is he trying in his own misguided way but i cant see it?



Thanks for your response i appreciate it..

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It sounds like you've only been seeing him a few weeks, and other than the first week you haven't seen each other much at all? It's too early for the "what are we?" talk. It should take longer than a couple weeks to decide if you're going to be in a relationship with each other!


However, it IS completely appropriate to ask the person early on what they are looking for. Is he dating with the intent that the end result will be a relationship? Or is he just wanting to date for fun with no outlook for any relationship? If he says he wants a relationship, it's still no guarantee that you guys will have one, but at least you will know it is possible, if things work out. On the other hand, if he says he does not want a relationship right now and you do, then you might as well move on right now.


I don't buy the "I'm a jerk, I don't want to hurt you so I want to be friends". What he is really saying is that he doesn't want a relationship with you. I don't know anyone who would pass up a much-desired relationship for fear of "hurting" that person. What did you do with him? Sleep with him? Not a good idea to do that so soon in dating a person until you both decide to call it a relationship, or else things could end up as they have right here. You felt as though a relationship was imminent (or at the very least, likely) once you had sex with him, because that is what people do.. have sex & then they are in a relationship!! But no, some people just want the sex without the relationship. You are definitely not the only one who's done this, so don't beat yourself up over it. Just for next time, keep these things in mind.


1-on the first one or two dates (I'd probably wait til the second) ask what they ultimately want when they date a person

2- spend more time getting to know them (maybe dating a couple months?) before asking where it's going, because you really can't know after a week or two

3-don't have sex or do anything with them that you prefer only to do in a relationship, until after you have completed steps 1 & 2 & have decided to call it a relationship & are open about it, not hiding the relationship from friends/family (after all, if they don't want people to know you are dating, how do you know they aren't just telling you "Oh yeah, we're in a relationship. Read for bed?")


Good job ending it with this guy; it's not going anywhere. At least now you know what to do next time.

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Thanks for your opinons and advice (crazy about dogs and alli).. I have to admit it did make me feel better...


I did ask him what he was after the first time when he didnt respond to calls as well as i liked.. and he said.. at this stage friendship but possibly a relationship...


thereafter i got annoyed after he promised he will make an effort, and i asked him again the second time. In hindsight, i probably forced the issue but it was better than being in limbo and beat myself up over someone who isnt worth it..


that being said.. my plan backfired! with v day around the corner and still having feelings for him. its tough...

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