"theyre jus not into you" ...wise words indeed!!

[1guygirl]

found this article and well i had to copy & paste...hope you likes xxx

 

 

He's Just Not That Into You (quotes from the book)

 

Cut your losses and don't waste your time . Why stay in some weird dating limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory? Don't want to hear it? Fine. Here's the answer you're looking for, "Hang in there, baby. He's not the loser everybody's telling you he is. If you wait and keep your mouth shut and call at exactly the right time and anticipate his moods and have no expectations about communication or your own sexual needs, you can have him!" But please don't be surprised if he dumps you or continues to drag you through a completely unsatisfying relationship.

 

He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life.

 

Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We (men) like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel rewarded when we do.

 

Don't let the "honeys" and the "babys" fool you. His sweet nothings are exactly that. They are much easier to say than "I'm just not that into you." Remember, actions speak louder than, "There's no cell reception where I am right now."

 

Calling when you say you're going to call is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house, baby. And it's cold outside.

 

He will always be able to play the "friend" card on you. He only has to be responsible for the expectations of a friend, rather than the the far greater expectations of a boyfriend. He's got the ultimate situation: a great friend with all the benefits of a girlfriend, whom he can see or not see whenever he wants to. He may be one of your closest friends, but I'm sorry to say ... as a boyfriend, he's just not that into you.

 

I don't want to be "sort of dating" someone. I don't want to be "kinda hanging out" with someone. I don't want to spend a lot of energy suppressing my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved. I want to be sleeping with someone I know I'll see again because they've already demonstarted to me that they're trustworthy and honorable -- and into me.

 

Don't be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You're deeply missable. However, he's still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he's choosing, every day, not to be with you.

 

It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less -- even a vague pathetic facsimile of less -- than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.

 

Hey girl. Put down the penis, put your clothes back on, and go directly to your best friend's house. Do not find an excuse to stay. Do not think that because of all the crazy hotness of it all, it now means that you're meant to be together. Yes, break up sex does seem like a good idea, because hey, it's nice to have sex with someone you have these dramatic feelings about. It makes it all, well, dramatic. But now you know. It confuses everything and makes you separate sex and emotions. So now you don't ever have to make that mistake again. Got it? He's into the very-bad-idea-that-masquerades-as-a-good-idea, breakup sex. Over and out.

 

He's sniffing for something better, and when he doesn't find it, he gets lonely and comes "home." It's not that he's so into you. It's that he's so not into being alone. Don't give him the chance to break up with you for the fourth time. (Even the idea of it sounds beneath you, doesn't it?) Reset your breakup maximum to one and move on.

 

Cut him off. Let him miss you.

 

He doesn't need to be reminded that you're great.

 

There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.

 

No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.

 

Being lonely ... being alone ... for many people ... sucks. I get it, I get it, I get it. But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel * * * * ty or doesn't honor the person you are is worse.

 

Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.

 

You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time.

[quirky]

Yes, this book actually helped me leave my ex. Particularly this sentence "He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life". So true.

 

Or another one that said "when a man wants you there are no mixed messages"

 

Saying that, now that time has passed I can see things differently, I think the book can be too strict encouraging us to be a little too precious IMO. But a fun read nevertheless!

[messysoul]

The one impressed me the most from the book is...

 

Here are our five suggestions on what your man could have done if he was unsatisfied in your relationship. (You'll notice, none of them include sleeping with someone else.)

 

1. Talk about it.

2. Write about it.

3. Sing about it.

4. E-mail about it.

5. Even put on a puppet show about it.

[ElChup]

You know, I hate these sorts of books. My ex had, before we got together, formed a very stereotypical view of men, based on what she had read in these sorts of books and what her friends had told her. It was frustrating to me as I am very much in touch with my feminine side and I also don't play games. To assume any of these works apply to people, even a majority, is foolhardy. Each situation is different from the next.

[HouseKitten]

Normally I don't like 'self-help' books or relationship ones, especially of the 'men are from mars' ilk. I think you can overanalyse sometimes, and a lot of these books say stuff that seems to boil down to common sense, but people spend tons of money on them.

 

But, I do have this one. It was a present from a friend with a warped sense of humour, but after I read it I discovered I liked it. The approach of the book is far less 'you can explain his behaviour and win him back by doing x, y and z' and a lot more 'look, why do you need to explain his behaviour at all? Why not meet a man who you don't need to make excuses for?'

 

It's a good book. Even when you're not in that situation it's a good read because I think the guy is right - sometimes, he's just not that into you. No amazing excuse or psychoanalysis on the man will change the fact that he doesn't really care that much about you. And I know from experience that it can be very hard to see that until someone whacks you over the head and tells you to stop being so thick.

[1guygirl]

lol yeah im not a fan of most self help books on relationships...particularly the ones who say you should do this and that to reassure him/pander to his ego/forget you have needs type of advice... but i liked what i read from this as so many of us get caught up in our exes and forget about us, our life and that we should save our energy and love for someone who IS into us, and move on from those who jus really arent

[happylady]

I gave this book to my bro when his ex gf broke it off with him to be with someone else then wanted to still hang out with him I told him to change it around so that men = ladies and vice versa and he said it was amazing. It is a great book for a guy and a lady to read.

[rapunzel]

That book really bummed me out when I first read it. It was soon after my break up and a friend had recommended it. I had seen the guy on Oprah and thought he was funny. I guess I was still too tender to appreciate it and I thought it was rather insulting and not helpful to someone who was reeling from being dumped. Now that I'm less emotional and can look at what happened more objectively, I can appreciate it more but I think it's a bit harsh for the newly broken hearted. I agree with some of the reviews on Amazon about the book that point out that not *all* guys fit the mold described in the book. Shy guys will not pursue a woman if she does not respond to an initial advance or expression of interest, for example. Not all men fit the stereotype of the guy who will break your door down if he "is into you".

 

But in retrospect, I wish I had taken the author's advice more to heart and not let my ego get in the way. I would have not gone back for that second chance which crushed my spirit (and yes, my ego) MUCH more. OR I would have waited longer and made my ex "work" harder for it. Yeah, I waited 9 months but still went about reconciliation entirely the wrong way. Oh well, live and learn. I guess it wasn't meant to be and yes, he is JUST NOT THAT INTO ME. Ouch, it still hurts to say it.

 

Oh, and since the book bummed me out I was afraid to see the movie but I did catch it on an airplane and I thought it was done pretty well. A good rental or to take out of the library.

[absinthe]

I normally have no use for self-help books but this one, cuts through the bull, in a common sense way.

 

The examples of bad behaviours was less significant, than making excuses for a guy who's just not that into you. And yes, those excuses are ego-based.

[No1]

Its a great movie.. I learned quite a bit from it and it was entertaining. Sounds like I must read the book. And Im a guy!!! LOL..

My friends say I am the Realator.. LOL..I was like what in the heck does that mean? Until I saw the movie and was like.. ahhhh, I get it now. Yep, that is me

[mellow]

this is hilarious, and pretty true.

 

I resonate on this:

He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life.

 

 

once you really do that, he DOES disappear from my life.

 

life's cool

[TimeToGrowUp]

Yes, this book actually helped me leave my ex. Particularly this sentence "He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life". So true.

 

Or another one that said "when a man wants you there are no mixed messages"

 

Saying that, now that time has passed I can see things differently, I think the book can be too strict encouraging us to be a little too precious IMO. But a fun read nevertheless!

 

Goes both ways. Guys make excuses for their girlfriends. Girls make excuses for their boyfriends...... yada yada yada......

[LoveFish]

You know, I hate these sorts of books. My ex had, before we got together, formed a very stereotypical view of men, based on what she had read in these sorts of books and what her friends had told her. It was frustrating to me as I am very much in touch with my feminine side and I also don't play games. To assume any of these works apply to people, even a majority, is foolhardy. Each situation is different from the next.

 

I hate them too. I have spent some time reading through these books in the past year. Most of them have been written by disgruntled women who have a very negative outlook on men. They write as if women can do nothing wrong in a relationship and men are clueless.

 

Everyone's lives are different and our situations are unique. If a book helps you then that is great! However don't take everything these people write as truth. The authors (male or female) are imperfect humans after all.

 

Guess what? Just because you were dumped (this isn't directed at the thread starter) doesn't mean the fault is on the dumper. Often the dumpee is chalk full of issues as well. We all come here to this board crying, hurting, whining ( I'm one of them) and act like we are victims. Maybe some of us are total victims but a relationship takes two to tango. Guys AND girls make mistakes.

[HouseKitten]

Most of them have been written by disgruntled women who have a very negative outlook on men. They write as if women can do nothing wrong in a relationship and men are clueless.

 

I'm assuming you haven't read this particular book? If you have just ignore this but I thought I'd put in that He's Just Not That Into You was mainly written by a man, with some notes on his advice by a woman.

 

And in comparison to what you say about 'women can do nothing wrong' - something I also agree seems to be a huge facet of a lot of self-help books and is entirely wrong - the author is actually quite scathing towards the women he's given advice to on their situations. A lot of it is him pointing out that actually, we hurt ourselves a lot of the time by making excuses for the behaviour of men who aren't really invested in a relationship and if we bucked up our ideas, we couldn't end up in pain so often.

 

It's a shade different from the other books out there. It doesn't pander to the reader and try to make them feel like they're completely right and The Man is completely wrong. It's refreshing

[absinthe]

It's a shade different from the other books out there. It doesn't pander to the reader and try to make them feel like they're completely right and The Man is completely wrong. It's refreshing it goes straight for the throat but at the same time, it's self-empowering since the reader, be they male or female, has the ultimate ability to walk away from an unhappy situation. One way love, even if you put your heart and soul into it, is a waste of time.

[LoveFish]

I did notice that it was written by a man yes. If I see it at the bookstore next time I'll pick it up and check it out. From what you are saying it sounds like it can apply to both men and women.

 

I think most people fall for another person end up getting let down because of their own expectations and aspirations. Most relationships ultimately fail or end for one reason or another yet it always comes as a shock when it happens.

 

We are funny creatures.

[happylady]

Alot of the time people fall in love with what they are presented as first impressions. Ones true self hardly comes out until about 3 months down the line and by that point there is already a connection established. That is probably where most of the shock comes from on either side whether your a male or female. Somewhere within the grey area

[absinthe]

HJNTIY is coauthored by a man and a woman. They each give their own perspectives.

[PennyLane09]

Alot of the time people fall in love with what they are presented as first impressions. Ones true self hardly comes out until about 3 months down the line and by that point there is already a connection established. That is probably where most of the shock comes from on either side whether your a male or female. Somewhere within the grey area

 

true dat! they're all princes up until that 3 month period.

[EQIQ]

true dat! they're all princes up until that 3 month period.

 

I was always a prince and still am lol.

 

I think I should try and see if I find a torrent for this book.