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Should I try Online Dating?


Jake

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I understand it can be horrible experience as some have stated here on ENA but I am seriously considering it for the future. You see, I'm shy and I've tried at college and other places to talk to people. Over the years though I've noticed this is simply not working at all.

I'm bad at flirting, I show the opposite signs of what you SHOULD show when attracted to someone! I basically don't even dare try the cold approach because my anxiety just hits the roof.

 

The only time I really let lose and didn't care about what others thought was last week on a Friday night, I was out with my friend's at a restaurant and I was in a pretty good mood/comfortable. When I'm myself I can be pretty witty/sarcastic and I basically flirted with the waitress that was serving us the whole time we were there. I floored my friend's with how I was acting (I'm usually very bashful) and they were really pushing me when we were heading out to ask for her number. But my shyness came back and I backed down...my friend's almost burned me at the stake at that point.

 

Overall all my attempts in talking to women I've been interested in either have resulted in me finding out she already has a boyfriend or I just give up all together because I can tell she isn't interested in me at all (but again I am bad at this so I could be wrong). Or I just turn into one big chicken!

 

This where I need opinions/advice because I "think" online dating would be better for me. For some reason I am less shy online AND I really like how I can think what to say BEFORE I send the message. This allows me time to think, be more relaxed and give back an actual response I meant to say. Rather then in real life where my mind is rushing a million thoughts and I just freeze stiff and blush red like a tomato...

 

Anyways thanks for reading my blabber if you got this far hahaha!

 

-Jake

 

PS: For the record I've never tried online dating (just to make that clear come to think of it I haven't done any kind of dating lol! I'm thinking it'll help me get started?

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Its worth a shot!!

 

I tried online dating. Im like you - shy. Im not good at approaching people, let alone men!. I had no dating experience prior. I can be 'chatty' online, but maybe not as chatty in real life!

 

You learn as you go, and there are bad sites and good sites. There are good odds you'll met a couple of doozies! i sure did. A friend has done it much longer than me, and she keeps meeting them!

 

But i did meet someone and have been with him for nearly a year. When we first 'met' online, we exchanged emails, and then chatted on msn for about a month with text messages. So when we met, it was easy. I was nervous, but it still felt like we knew each other. I think it helped.

 

you got nothing to loose. Just find a good site. I found free ones to be bad.

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You don't lose anything from trying.

 

Just go into it with open eyes. As you probably know from other people's stories on here, it can be tricky, difficult and disheartening. And men are often expected to do the approaching.

 

However, it works very well for some people you have no idea who you'll meet till you get on there, so what's the harm in trying? If it's not for you, just move on to something else.

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You don't lose anything from trying.

 

Just go into it with open eyes. As you probably know from other people's stories on here, it can be tricky, difficult and disheartening. And men are often expected to do the approaching.

 

However, it works very well for some people you have no idea who you'll meet till you get on there, so what's the harm in trying? If it's not for you, just move on to something else.

 

By approaching do you mean the first to initiate with say a message/email? I admit I'd have difficulty with that if it is the case, what to say really? I mean everybody knows why they're on a dating social network (to date obviously) but I still find it silly to message a person randomly...

 

I guess by biggest doubt is I feel too young to be on a dating site (20 years old). Maybe I should wait a year or two...although that would be pointless really. I have an odd tendency to either feel too young or too old for something...

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It depends what it's like in your area but I'm 23 and I had guys younger than myself messaging me sometimes. So, especially with a free one, you might as well have a browse and see whether there are a lot of girls in your age group and area

 

Approaching - yes, men are normally expected to 'approach' as in send the first message. Although it's not a set rule, so you may receive some messages first anyway, a lot of girls will have men sending them messages to the extent that they don't need to do any searching themselves. I never sent one first message myself - I didn't need to, I had enough work replying to the ones I'd been sent!

 

It's not as difficult as it sounds though. In some ways it's easier than real life - you can look at her profile and use some of the info there to form a message. If you have something in common, that's a good place to start. It's always a good idea to mention something specific she's written - 'wow, a girl who likes star trek too!' - because the amount of guys who send out copy+paste messages where they obviously haven't read the profile are high. If you can show you've actually taken the time to read past her weight and height, that's a great start

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Should you try online dating? Well if you are younger than 30 then no.

 

I personally feel that women in the 18 - 25 age group on dating sites are not genuine, and do not take it seriously. Also, the stigma that still exists turns away a lot of eligible women.

 

Though I can really tell where to turn out in "real world" that is the way to go at least in the first quarter of your life.

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No harm in trying it out, but I'd be lying if I said that you'll land a date "with a click of a mouse". Most people find it difficult to attract attention on most dating sites that utilize some sort of set template for your profile. To make matters worse, most people seem to not care for reading profiles any more than they care for DISCO; the odds are against you my friend.

 

If you're prepared to go this rout, I'd suggest you use sites that give the most flexibility to their users like myspace and facebook and make it a point to make your profile dynamic like any popular website. Sites that do away with "matching" or "profiles" altogether, and focus on local meetup groups, are even better.

 

I hope everything works out.

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Alright HouseKitten I get what you're saying about approaching, reading the info on a girl's profile before messaging and everything. However, I am alittle shocked that people don't even take the time to even read someone's profile just alittle.

I guess I have to browse till I find a more serious dating site (suggestions anyone?)......if there is a site like that. I really would prefer to skip the "fling" websites if ya know what I mean. If anyone living in NW USA knows of some for this area please feel free to suggest a few.

 

Spacecapsule see exactly what you're saying is what's worrying me. I would take it seriously going on a website and messaging various women. So I don't really want to waste anytime (I'm looking for long term...). I'm guessing I have to weed out the people till I find someone that has the same goal as me.

 

 

AuthenticAuthor

 

Ya know if there was a dating website for shy, nerdy, college oriented students this would I think be a little simpler for me.

 

Goodness I'm not even sure I have enough time to put so much work into this as what sounds to be required from what you guys are all describing... I really don't have 4 hours to make a profile "pretty."

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AuthenticAuthor

 

Ya know if there was a dating website for shy, nerdy, college oriented students this would I think be a little simpler for me.

 

If you're talking about paid websites, there's geek2geek (although I've never tried it before). If you're talking about free sites, the best I can come up with is link removed. It's a general networking site, and you don't necessarily have to set up a profile or anything; it allows people to find and coordinate active groups of all kinds in their local area, or to create one themselves. Since you mentioned you're nerdy, you may find some cool groups in that site; all it mainly takes is the willingness for you to attend any of the meetups listed.

 

About you being shy, you and I both know that's an obstacle in itself no matter what service you use. Fare thee well!

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The key to online dating is that it's a HUGE pool of people. Many who aren't ready or capable of a real reltionship. You have to sort of let it roll off your shoulders when it doesn't work out. It is a quick way to easily meet people and decide if you want to continue. I've met a couple people I liked, many many that I didn't. Some are just crude and looking for a one nighter.

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Well I appreciate all the help guys, if I do try out online dating I'm most likely going to try out Okcupid. But not anytime soon, as I just got sick and I've got a crap load of homework awaiting my attention.

 

None the less thank you all for the advice.

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Well I appreciate all the help guys, if I do try out online dating I'm most likely going to try out Okcupid. But not anytime soon, as I just got sick and I've got a crap load of homework awaiting my attention.

 

None the less thank you all for the advice.

 

okcupid is the absolute best!! it seems to take all kidns... i'm definitely on the nerdy, or at least quirky and artistic side, and there seems to be a good niche for that among users.

 

i've been using it and met up with three eligible, local, smart girls with relatively minimal effort so far. The dates have been fun and in one case has led to something more / a current burgeoning fling. disclaimer i am a lesbian, but i'd hope the straights could have just as much luck on the OK as I have.

 

i don't know about other age groups but the young 20-somethings seem to flock there. gay girls, anyway.

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Regarding OKCupid, sometimes I don't even know just how accurate those rankings regarding match/friend/enemy can really be, even if you are being truthful. I tend to not look too far into that and rather just read the profile and see just how compatible somebody could be based on one's own judgment, rather than a computerized questionnaire. Just my two cents.

 

As for online dating, well it couldn't hurt. Personally, I would rather not bank on success in the online dating world due to the sheer numbers (I'd have to imagine on heterosexual online dating sites, the guy-to-girl ratio has to be around 3:1 or 5:1) and the nature of the sites, seeing that women receive so much mail that they don't really have to search, so I'm still trying to better my own game and get confidence offline. But then again, just last night I just received a PoF message from some 23-year-old woman an hour from where I am now, who initiated contact.

 

But either way, good luck.

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