What's in a Name? Having issues...

[Sally Cinnamon]

This topic is of less dire consequence than most of the posts here appear to be, and it's my first post as a member... but I would really appreciate some advice on a perplexing issue between me and my fiancee. Tell me your thoughts:

 

My fiancee only recently proposed to me after two years of dating, and we're incredibly excited to get married! We've begun wedding planning and are even looking at places to live - but there has come to light an issue that we've been shelfing for quite awhile, and now must finally address. Our last names.

 

My fiancee has a hyphenated last name, and we're not sure if we want to both keep it, or if I should keep mine, or if he should ditch his entirely. His parents went through an extremely bitter divorce and I would feel uncomfortable taking both of their names in light of their separation and mutual bad feelings. Additionally, I'm not gonna lie - it feel strange to give up one name to take two. My fiancee agrees, and feels bad asking me to take both names. Complicating matters, he and his mother are estranged, and she has been an extremely unpleasant influence in his life - he has considered dropping her name to keep his fathers, but doesn't want to alienate her before the wedding. I am also uncomfortable with her, due to internal dramas between her and I, but I would never ask my boyfriend to alienate family for any reason.

 

I would just keep my own name, except that I also have a bad family history and have always thought I'd gladly give it up at the altar - I don't really want to be associated with it. Additonally, I'm afraid of the issues with our children someday, the paperwork logistics involved with having parents of different last names, and what last names our children would carry.

 

Has anyone been in a similar position? Does anyone have any experience with marriages of different last names, or with hyphenated names, or even just with divorced in-laws? The situation seems very delicate on all sides, but when it comes down to it ... I sort of feel like I shouldn't have to assume or not assume a name for the rest of my life that I don't want just to appease others. I mean, it's our marriage! Right? Am I being selfish? Also, just so you know, my fiancee and I are on entirely the same page, have talked about it at length, and are still baffled.

 

Thoughts?

[jadenrain]

Sounds like you both need and completely new and different last name to share to start your new loving life together. just don't tell anyone till the wedding if you feel people will disagree or just wait to change it till after ward, you can pick anything you want do what makes both of you happy and you are starting a new and happy life together. So why not? ANd no you are not being selfish you don't want to be haunted by the past in any way. or just take his 2 last name 1-2... like that