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What type of girl am I dealing with?


Sty1es

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So there is this girl I been on 2 dates with, third one this Sunday (V-day), but I'm having a hard time reading this girl. We work together, see each other everyday, but barely talk in the workplace. She would talk to anyone else with ease, but won't talk to me unless I say something first. Sometimes it seems like she would flirt with someone around me also. Same goes for contacting each other via phone call/text. She responds accordingly, but doesn't keep the conversation going (i.e. asking questions). I noticed that on our dates too, I was asking all the questions. She would answer perfectly, I would keep talking to avoid an awkward moment, but she wouldn't ask much about me just answer my questions. I feel like I know her well already, but she barely knows me because of this. Other than that we vibe pretty well when we're out, very touchy, lots of smiling/laughs.

 

A friend of ours told me that she liked me, but I'm having a little trouble taking that as 100% truth. Is she shy? Not interested? Playing games? Too early? I'm kind of confused. I'm planning to jokingly bring this up on Sunday, to get a better idea. Anyone else experience this before?

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To me, speaking as a girl who's been in her position before, it sounds as if she's either not interested or she's unsure of where you're coming from. I'm leaning towards the former. I'm guessing you've instigated the dates? It sounds like she's trying to give you a chance but doesn't feel totally comfortable with you and may not be feeling the same vibe you're feeling. After all, physical intimacy is easy to do with anybody, it's conversation that really reveals what somebody thinks of you. She may not want to let you down, which is why she's reciprocating your advances, but she may be looking for a way out. I think it would be helpful if you talked to her about it (I never understand why guys have such a hard time with this...) and ask her if she wants to actually date you or if she isn't feeling a connection. I'm sure she'll be honest with you if you bring it up.

 

It's also possible that she may not know what YOU expect from her and she may be wondering if you're looking for a relationship, casual dating, casual sex, or friendship. You might want to talk to her about that too.

 

Lastly, she might be nervous about dating a coworker. It sounds like she's afraid of being seen as flirting with you at work, and this may be difficult for her to get over. If she's uncomfortable with it, either put her at ease by assuring her you won't make it a problem at work, or let her decide what's best and be ok with whatever she says. Dating coworkers is really difficult. I've done that too.

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A girl who doesn't show any interest in learning about you is not someone you should be dealing with, no matter what the reason.

 

Or he doesn't ask the right questions. It's also possible he's reading into it too much and she's only looking for a hookup. That's more common than people think these days.

 

As for how to be a conversationalist, first you’ll want to identify commonalities. You do this by stretching the conversation out through past & future projections (described below) and branching out off of statements. Nearly every statement has two topics (or more). Natural conversation isn’t questions followed by answers, it’s mostly statements spun off into new directions. This is the “gift of gab”. The baseline “secret” of doing this is to follow this simple rule:

 

Relate your experiences back to her using THOUGHTS and EMOTIONS.

 

When telling a story don't just spit out a bunch of facts of events and what happened. Tell her what was running through your head and what you were feeling when the event occurred. Use analogies as well for things that women might be more familiar with (shopping & movies are huge).

 

Bad conversation:

My TV broke last weekend during the game so picked up a new one Monday after work and of course Best Buy sucked as usual.

 

Good conversation:

I was watching TV last weekend and just as my favorite team was making the last drive to tie the game it broke. Just...poof. Nothing. I was soooo frustrated. Have you ever been watching something you were so into and then your power or cable go out and you miss a really important part? Doesn't that suck? Worst still is when I went to Best Buy the sales people were no help. Ever been shopping and everyone sorta just ignores you? Hellooo! I'm right hear people! Talk about frustrating. You know what I mean? I just kept thinking to myself 'I wonder what would happen if I just made up some popcorn in the appliances section and kicked off my shoes and lounged on the couch and popped a movie into the display setup they have?' That would kick ass and you KNOW they'd come running to see what's up.

 

Get the idea? Thoughts, emotions, and use what I call "checking in" to see if they're following along:

 

You know what I mean...

Have you ever...

 

You want her nodding her head, or even better piggybacking on your conversation thread and injecting her own stories as they relate to yours. A good way of getting her invested in the conversation is vertical conversation. Horizontal is the surface stuff, basic chumpy "interview" questions (where you from, what do you do, etc). Vertical digs deeper. Check-ins for keeping the vertical conversations going are:

 

What was that like?

Really?

Why is that?

 

As I mentioned before, another key aspect to remember is to use past & future projections. Try and steer topics away from the present tense. The fastest way to have a woman’s eyes glaze over is to talk about facts and boring detail, which is exactly what happens when you are talking in the present tense. One of the best ways to build a connection is to use future projections. The reason they work so well is they build memories in her mind as she’s imagining the journey you’re describing. As you speak of your hopes & dreams two powerful things are taking place:

 

A) Women are drawn to ambition like moths to a flame.

B) Talking in past or future tense builds memories and gives the two of you a connection, imaginary that it may be.

 

It’s amazing how simple it is finding commonalities while painting the rich canvas of your life. That being said, the one thing you don't want to talk about if you can help it is the here and now.

 

Again, present tense = boring. The way the female mind works when you speak in the present tense they just get bored. I do this, that, blah blah blah...and their eyes glaze over. But when you talk about what you want to do in the future, they pay more attention. Plus part of it is we're more excited when we talk about fun stuff we want to do with our lives, so it's a win-win due to how it draws them in. It's how they imagine doing things with you and making mental links between the two of you.

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