I can't tell if something's wrong

[jaycee00]

For some reason, when I'm hammered, I'm the most talkative, confident, engaging person in the world, lol or so it feels like. I always feel like I have the perfect thing to say when I'm drunk, and it seems to be true. All of my friends like me more. It's pretty obvious why...when I'm sober I'm comparatively cold. I don't get energized by talking to you, and I just don't feel like being engaging or engaging you. I just have no real motivation to talk to people. I want friends, I really want to meet my next girlfriend, but I just don't have any motivation to meet people or get to know new people. It's like conversations aren't any fun.

 

I don't really know if this is a problem to be fixed or something that I could even possibly improve on. I've always thought that the drunken-me was the real way I wanted to be with people, and that if I fixed most of my personal problems, I would become this person. I have made huge strides over the past years. I completely tower over my former self...and yet my desire to talk never increased. I just don't get it.

 

Somebody tell me they understand.

 

One thing I noticed writing this...I could give the most unjudgemental ear to the deepest darkest problems...and yet I have problems sharing things like this with my friends. Maybe it's all connected.

[Sally Cinnamon]

This sounds a lot like symptoms of depression, but even if that's not the case, it's a serious issue. People with a mild chronic depression often develop problems with alcohol or other substantives to try to interact "normally" with other people, because they don't have the energy or interest when they're sober. This in fact really hurts their sober development of relationships. You already know this.

 

Whether you have depression or not, it sounds like you've kind of given up on your sober self - sure, there's a genuine inhibition there, but you are also reaffirming it by saying "I AM a cold person, I DON'T WANT to talk to people", etc. It's like you're deciding your sober fate by comparing it to your drunk state of mind. Everybody loosens up when they're drunk and makes friends when they're drunk, this is a universal experience. But when you're sober, you have to go out and make an effort to talk to people in the real world. You'll have insecurities and judgements and inhibitions fighting you on it. It's hard.

 

Basically my advice would be just to grit your teeth and do it. Swear off of alcohol for awhile, and make a conscious decision to go and meet people whenever you're out in public. Call your friends. Call your friends's friends. Join a club or something. And even if you don't feel like it, start talking to somebody. Often if you make your mind and body do something it's not used to, eventually you'll break it in and it'll become natural - kind of like excersising.

 

If you find this particularly hard to do, and especially if you find putting down the bottle particularly hard to do, I'd advise going in for a meeting with a councelor to talk about it. You may have depression, or a dependency problem, or even just normal human insecurities that you could benefit from talking about. There's no harm in that.

 

I hope you're not offended by what I've said. Any of these problems is actually totally normal and happens to people all the time. But in the interest of your happiness you should try whatever you have to to take care of it. Good luck!

[blackjack89]

I'm pretty much the same way. The only time I've ever gotten anywhere with a girl was when I was drunk.

[jaycee00]

Yeah I would definitely benefit from talking about this. I'm considering seeing a therapist as soon as I get a job.

 

And don't worry, I'm not offended. Seeing that you tried to help me lifted my spirits a little.