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Facebook - advantages/disadvantages?

GMDO

By GMDO
in Dating Advice

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GMDO Newbie

GMDO

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(part rant part question so sorry if its long ) Its so stupid but I'm having a somewhat difficult time deciding whether or not to to request the girl I've been seeing as a friend on Facebook. We were set up by a mutual friend of ours and have been seeing each other for about a month and half or 2 months now. We've kissed several times, we hold hands - its all there as of now, so, I'm not worried about whether or not she is into me. I guess my question is what are the advantages & disadvantages to adding her on facebook? Although I do have a fb page, I rarely use it and I've always hated it. I'm leaning towards not requesting her as a friend until we are officially a couple.

 

Here is my reasoning:

1. I have always had a habit of over thinking things and driving myself nuts and its very easy to misunderstand things on fb as you don't know the context things are being used in. Example...both of our profiles say we are single, as they should as we haven't had any sort of talk about being an official couple. But, me being stupid me, it makes me wonder - is she seeing anyone else? would she go out with someone else on a date if asked?

 

2. I think it will make me feel like I HAVE to post stuff on her page, although it would be quite simple to tell her I don't really use it much. But still, this could open the to door to making to much contact, maybe?

 

3. I'm worried that it will somehow give her a different perception of me (again, a context thing - especially since I hate using it and there isnt much on my page. Maybe it will make her thing I'm boring or whatever.)

 

4. In my mind, part of the fun of being in the early stages of a relationship is learning about each other and peeling back the layers. I see fb as kind of taking part of that away.

 

5. The whole thing is creepy to start with, if you think about it. I mean I'm sure we have all been there when someone said (or even you have said) something along the lines of "oh yea, I saw you doing that on fb." Its just weird.

 

I guess it just comes down to this - as of now, we are both into each other. We do talk pretty much every day but its usually just a handful of texts and we are both OK with this. When we are together we really never run out of things to talk about which is one of the reasons it has worked between us so far. I feel this is at least in part because we don't talk on the phone constantly (or maybe I'm kidding myself but, whatever, that's not what this is about). I'm worried that fb could take part of this away. Although, on the other hand, maybe it could give us more to talk about...

 

The reason I'm asking this is because I've had several people that know whats going on between us have told me its weird that we are not friends on there. So am I just being stupid? Should I just add her (but at the same time she hasn't added me either...)? What are the advantages or other disadvantages of adding her?

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adamt Explorer

adamt

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me and my ex joined facebook together. eventually i had to unfriend and block her. when i meet someone else i will make the effort to stay off facebook. complications can come up if an ex has photos up that are related to a previous relationship. I dont want to see what the ex was doing in the past with an ex. i always think an old relationship should remain private and in the past. it can mess with your head and make you insecure

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GMDO Newbie

GMDO

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I think you've got some good, solid reasons to NOT add her. I really like your point number 4.

 

I've actually stopped dating someone after we became facebook friends. I didn't like what I saw at all!!

 

This is yet another reason I didn't even mention along the same lines as #3:

 

6. Maybe I'll see something on hers that I don't like, and it will change how I think about her.

 

me and my ex joined facebook together. eventually i had to unfriend and block her. when i meet someone else i will make the effort to stay off facebook. complications can come up if an ex has photos up that are related to a previous relationship. I dont want to see what the ex was doing in the past with an ex. i always think an old relationship should remain private and in the past. it can mess with your head and make you insecure

 

I'm only friends with one of my ex's on fb and that was from WAY back in the day - probably 12 years ago from high school so that doesn't really even count. I've taken down all of the pictures of me and my last ex. Unfortunately though, my brother has a lot of pictures of my ex and me doing things together and even with my family (some are even big things like vacations)....I just remembered this....those need to come down. I don't even want to see them.

 

I wouldn't add anyone on fb I was romantically seeing, unless we were in an official relationship.

 

I agree with you in that there should be some mystery when you begin dating someone and fb might take a part of that away.

 

I think I'm just going to go about it this way. If we do become an official couple, then I'll probably add her and announce it to the world . Despite everyone telling me its weird that we are not friends on it, I just don't see any real advantages to it.

 

Oh how I hate facebook. I wish I never even started it. Thank you everyone for your input.

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