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Online Dating Updates (for those few that care!)


Timbone

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PrettyMommy had asked exactly what was going on in my dating life since a couple months ago, and rather than hijack ModernTalking's own thread I thought I would start this one... that and I couldn't find my original thread here for some reason...

 

Anyway... this is long, so go to the bathroom and get a sandwich or something.

 

I had been seeing Robin, who I had met from an online dating site, for a few months. Everything was going fine, but there was something going on in the back of my head that I was ignoring. I was attracted to her on some levels, and not on others. I liked her company and friendship and all, but something just wasn't sitting right with me. I wasn't getting as excited to see her as I once was.

 

I took a moment to wonder why, couldn't really put my finger on it, until I asked myself Do I really think I can marry this girl and make her the one I'm ultimately with? When I took a step back the answer came up No. So I had to break it off, there just wasn't any point in staying with someone just for the sake of being with them, especially when you don't see an ultimate future in it.

 

So back to the online dating sites I went. I expected another long process and wait between possible dates.

 

Well, I was wrong on both counts!

 

Checked out who had viewed my dating profile and saw a couple of interested ladies that looked interesting back to me - in fact, one of them had essentially 'winked' at me to show she was doing more than just looking. They were both new(ish) to the site, so hopefully they hadn't been jaded by too much attention yet.

 

The girl that had essentially Winked at me, let's call her Kim, had no picture, and little in the way of information about her. She said she had a professional career she enjoyed, and a few notes about her interests, and her height, hair color and a slender build. I figured it wouldn't hurt to answer her attentions and just be myself to get a feel for her sense of humor. We messaged back and forth a few times before I asked for her number and a picture. She sent on the picture and true to her word she was slender and blonde and attractive.

 

The other girl that I contacted, Nicole, seemed like my type - tiny, quirky, dark hair and fair complexion, British accent, video game player, a bit of a goofy geek, actually! Right up my alley. I contacted her and got a response pretty quickly!

 

Within that week Nicole agreed to meet up. Had our first date on a Thursday in late January. Dinner and a short walk, which then turned into a long game of bowling! I could tell that she was enjoying herself at that point and didn't want the date to end. It had to end though, and it did with a nice kiss and genuine interest to get together again. There was no stand-offishness that I had felt with other dates prior to this. it felt really natural, like we'd already been dating for a bit.

 

Then we met that following Sunday and hung out for 10 to 12 hours as well. Mini-golf! Good times... After mini-golf she took me along to a movie group she goes to, and we a nice dinner after that. Had an armload of dates so far in a relatively short time, all of them rather long ones.

 

We've both said that we're surprised that things are as natural feeling as they already are, how comfortable we are around each other, etc. Since late January I've spent the night at her place a few times (not always for sex either, that came only recently as I didn't want her to feel rushed - though some will likely say we're already rushing as is!)

 

Still, as great as this is I'm trying to maintain some sense of reality. This could be a rebound as she's only recently divorced.

 

At the beginning of all that, i had gone out with Kim as well. A nice dinner, we discussed our work (she's in litigation) and interests, and I just let my Geek Flag fly! I didn't even care if she liked that part of me or not, and felt no restraint in showing her the real me. This date didn't feel as easy and natural as the dates with Nicole had at first, but by the end we were comfortable around each other.

 

I thought things were going just okay until I walked her to her car. We said our goodbyes, and I gave her a hug. That's when it happened, and I snapped a bit. See, when we were pulling away from the hug, she was holding my hand and gave it a squeeze... and I snapped out of my Standard Online Dating Etiquette procedure, turned around and said, literally, "Screw this no kiss on the first date noise," and went over to her, where she happily and rather passionately for a first date, kissed me.

 

Kim and I had our second date just last night. Another nice dinner, not as comfortable as I felt around Nicole though. We talked for a few hours, it actually did fly by despite my slight nervousness. We went over all kinds of topics, and even discussed a couple slightly risque ones, and again I put all my Geek cards out on the table, which she did not shy away from. Then a line of conversation brought her to the bombshell of the night - she has a son.

 

Dun dun DUUUUUNNNNNN.

 

She'd been married before, I knew that. But the area on her dating profile that said if she had children had been left blank (or No Comment), and I didn't really pay attention to it. This doesn't really change much, and I don't feel like she sprung this revelation on me or anything, since that isn't something you really need to bring up on the first date. He's older, 11 or 12, and spends 50% of his time with his dad, so there'd be time to see Kim alone without meeting her son so we could get to know each other, so that's good...

 

At the end of the date, I walked her to her car again. We hugged, and as we were breaking away, I looked her in the eye and asked "Shall we then?"

 

So that's where I stand right now. Despite liking Kim a lot and not really being phased by her kid-bombshell, with the way things are feeling with Nicole I see her as being the front-runner and, just maybe, a real long-term relationship. And right now, it's one that I could see having a possible Wedding Bell future if things keep going as easy and nice as they are.

 

As I said, though, Nicole could be rebounding, so I want to keep options open and see if things develop better with Kim. I think that Nicole is going to be pressing for something in terms of commitment-land very soon though, so that will make things tricky...

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This is the second (NorthDallas40's being the other) thread I've read recently where a guy has talked about going on a date even though he was having sex with someone else. Not guys in their 20's, either.

 

I just don't get this. If I'm sleeping with a woman, that's a pretty definite tacit commitment. It's not marriage, but it's certainly enough that going on a date with someone else would feel like cheating.

 

Has dating really changed that much? Is this expected and normal?

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He has not said he is exclusive with either of them, so I say it is a non-issue. I wouldn't do it, but that doesn't mean it's bad that the poster does. He should come clean with both of them, though. They both sound like nice ladies that should be told the truth. If he has been honest with both of them, then he is a stand-up guy and deserves their full respect.

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He has not said he is exclusive with either of them, so I say it is a non-issue. I wouldn't do it, but that doesn't mean it's bad that the poster does.

I don't think it's bad either if everyone understands the rules and agrees to them. I guess I'm wondering if they would be shocked and upset if they knew. What are expectations now? Do people really make a formal declaration "I am exclusive with you?" I've never said this, and no woman has ever explicitly told me this either, it was just understood past a certain point. Sex is certainly well past the dividing line. If the situation were reversed, I'd be very unhappy to discover that a woman I was sleeping with was dating someone else.

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This is the second (NorthDallas40's being the other) thread I've read recently where a guy has talked about going on a date even though he was having sex with someone else. Not guys in their 20's, either.

 

I just don't get this. If I'm sleeping with a woman, that's a pretty definite tacit commitment. It's not marriage, but it's certainly enough that going on a date with someone else would feel like cheating.

 

Has dating really changed that much? Is this expected and normal?

 

I agree. Even if the rules are allegedly known to each woman this seems a bit messy to me. Dating has changed in the way that people have gotten more hung up on words while thoughts and actions seem to have divorced. However, if a woman is willing to have sex with a man who has not committed to her then she ought to understand that he will treat her with a lot less respect and that the probability of him dating others will remain high. So, Nicole facilitated this.

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Thanks for your thoughts and comments, all.

 

I am swiftly coming to the point that I think Nicole is going towards exclusivity. In fact, because of some of the thoughts expressed here, it could very well be that she already thinks that we are exclusive because we've just recently moved on to sex... I haven't talked to her about dating other people, but neither has she... but that could just be because she isn't dating anyone else...

 

Hmm. She did say that she had turned off her profile a bit back, but then that was also in a conversation about the amount of messages she had received when active. Could very well be that she turned it off for that reason and also because she saw us as becoming exclusive, but didn't say it in so many words...

 

One thing is for certain: I can't have sex with 2 different partners during the same period of time. I had tried that before and it didn't sit well with me.

 

I think I might just have to cut things off with Kim, though I am a bit afraid of cutting ties with her only to have Nicole disappear on me as well. Perhaps that isn't in the cards, though. I guess it would be difficult to get any more clear indications of someone wanting to stick around, but then, back in the day the ex-wife had moved back in to my house only to leave 2 weeks later to go on a 'weekend trip with a friend', so you never can know...

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