When your boyfriend offers to take you to Jamaica, you take it!

[mowgli]

Hey all, I'm a 26 year old gay man living in Vermont.

 

I have an amazing boyfriend, and our relatively young relationship has been full of pleasure and pain.

 

We recently had a disagreement, and about a month and a half later it is still chewing me up inside. He offered back in Christmas to take me to Jamaica for Valentines day. I was so happy to be invited, I've been wanting to travel, but that fell on the same weekend as the annual drag ball, a national holiday to me. I said, 'but the drag ball!' and wanted to give it some thought. He was offended, that I would choose that over his proposal. Weeks passed and he made other plans for the weekend. The weekend is now nearly here, and I am knee deep in regret. I havent seen him in a few weeks because he lives 80 miles away and is very busy. The winter is starting to get to me. I can't stop beating myself up over this. I could be seeing him in a few days, and in warm weather, if I had the wisdom to take his offer. I think he knows how sorry I feel, idk, last time I brought up how bad I feel about this he became very cross, and made a comment like, 'I'm not asking him to go anywhere again' perhaps (and hopefully) sarcastically.

 

Anyway, I feel horrible. I feel like such a dummy. I love and miss him so much and want another chance. I want to put it behind me, but it keeps coming up in my mind. I wanna tell him how sorry I am, how I made a bad decision, and a decision that probably hurt his feelings, but what if that just creates a fight? Help!

[Scorpion Fury]

I see what you're saying about you should have taken him up on it, but honestly the drag ball was important to you too. Why did it have to be that particular weekend? Couldn't he have taken you the next weekend or something and make your own Valentine's Day?

 

Apologize, and make plans for your own romantic getaway together real soon. I can see why he's upset, but I think nhe should understand a little too.

[mowgli]

I sure hope we can! I don't make a lot of money right now, so the trip happening was really banking on his offer. Idk if I can afford a plane ticket, and I would feel really awkward saying, 'so, buy my ticket like you wanted to before?' Maybe, if things between us go smoother, the offer will arise again.

 

It's a hard lesson! I try to remind myself lessons like this happen, that we are all doing our best and bad calls are made. I need his patience and forgiveness, just has he needs mine.

 

I am a really emotional guy. I feel very strongly, I am very sensitive. I care deeply for his feelings. But the dark side of this personality is depression at times like this, beating myself up over a hurtful decision, and feeling very strongly in general. My emotions are getting in the way of work now too, and thank goodness I'll be seeing my shaman for my annual energy healing.

 

I also try to remind myself, at least his new plans are to go visit his mother, who he hasn't seen in years. I am trying to view my decision as a Valentines Day gift to his mother.

[hexaemeron]

Caribbean Holiday > National Holiday. Always. Forever. Without Fail.

[I_Speak_Jive]

Yeah dude, Jamaica any day.

 

But you know, it's nothing to feel mortified about. The Ball mattered to you, so that's that. Tell your dude to respect that and to stop huffing and puffing about it.

[shuttlefish]

Ah ha, there's a lesson here somewhere.

Next time you have the option between two different fantastic things to do, don't make a decision right away, ask for 24 hours to think about it. And then think about it, make the decision and don't look back.

 

What to do now? I'd tell him how much you regret the decision you made, do NOT ask him to buy you the ticket now though (that's just icky I think). See what happens, if he doesn't follow up then let it go and go be the best queen at the ball (or whatever the vernacular is)

 

These things happen though, don't beat yourself up about it.

[lukeb]

A trip to Jamaica should have been planned together. The way you put it, he wanted to take you and it wasn't the best of timing, since you had other plans. It is unfortunate but the conflict wasn't an accident, if you are going to be a couple you guys need to do, plan things together. One person comes up with a plan and becomes upset when he doesn't get his way is not a way to have a relationship.

[mowgli]

Lukeb, thats a very good point! We shoulda thought this through together some more before scrapping the idea. We are eachother's first partners. We're both new at this.

[Kaytie]

A trip to Jamaica should have been planned together. The way you put it, he wanted to take you and it wasn't the best of timing, since you had other plans. It is unfortunate but the conflict wasn't an accident, if you are going to be a couple you guys need to do, plan things together. One person comes up with a plan and becomes upset when he doesn't get his way is not a way to have a relationship.

 

Agreed - this should have been planned by both of you. Both of you should have had input and he also should have known the Ball meant a lot to you.

[greywolf]

It is understandable that your SO was hurt, but he needs to stop sulking about it already. Saying something like "I'm never going to take you anywhere" isn't all that different from a temper tantrum.

[mowgli]

I never realized this would emotionally escalate like this when he suggested the idea back in December. In time, this will fade. But until then, I'm in a hard spot.

 

I love him so much, and I hate it when we trip over ourselves like this. I simply want to be with him, why does it have to be so complicated? All the patience it takes with his short fuse when we don't see eye to eye. All the work of driving 80 miles (one way) to see him. All the courage it takes to date someone Diabetic. I am a tiny man... 5 foot 7, 120 lbs... enduring big things, with big feelings, and tons of thought.

 

I pray things will get better for us, and that my stress levels will lower. Thank you all so much for your help, I've really needed and, and am open to more. I will also be seeing a therapist this weekend. Bless you all.

[learningtofly]

Ok, please don't take offense to what I'm about to say but it seems like you're both being a bit immature. You need to make sure he knows that you regret saying no and you also need to make sure he knows that you're hurting because of your decision. There's nothing either of you can do about it now so why bother crying over spilt milk?