Hot and cold, never consistent and a small update

[tattoobunnie]

Regardless of the hints.. communication styles, approaches to how you handle and address conflicts, location, common life goals, going the distance, commitment, consideration...I'll be the one to say it. Not everyone is special...you can be special to someone else...but the truth is, some people are la-la-la-lame...and always will be. Could be unawareness, a sense of entitlement, a lack of exposure or conviction.

 

And at some point, we come accross them, and date them...for whatever reason...it's a course...and ultimately, this does not mean everyone we have dated and had some connection with is a good match or a viable partner.

 

The reason why you wanna stick around...is because she left you in the dust. Something like that eats at you, and you need to find out why. That is the appeal.

 

I think I would believe differently of her if she had the integrity to deal with you head on. If she had any ounce of consideration for you. A letter, text, email, phonecall, visit, some social networking site, on-line chat...with all these forms of communication...no excuses.

 

So...everyone can disagree with me calling her lame. I don't think she deserves Casmut in the slightest.

 

And btw...who cares if it was a couples party??? Anyone who isn't mediocre can hold their own with their friends. I doubt anyone was forcing her out.

[tattoobunnie]

And...you will be amazed to find what friends can see and you don't considering they're not wearing any pink tinted glasses. Posture, mirroring, body-language. If they all agree she stinks...something to consider. These people want you to be happy, and they see you are not in this situation. At the end of the day...it's always your decision. Everything is your choice.

 

So...I'm not here to judge. I've encountered people like this...so there's something in me that has chosen people like this. And the answer always is as to why they do these things...insecurity and selfishness. And I don't think you want that.

[Tired Tiger]

So...I'm not here to judge.

 

And yet, you say 'she stinks' and is 'lame'? Sorry, but I don't see how this is helpful to the OP in the least. There's a world of difference between judgement and compassion.

 

I'm quite sure Casmut is more than capable of arriving at a decision to either move on or explore this further. I don't think that was the question, anyway. But, doesn't it make more sense to try and reach an understanding of the situation and her actions in a positive way if the current goal is to improve things? The rose colored glasses analogy is a point taken, but why would that have to shift so completely to the opposite end of the spectrum? It's in between the two where the reality lies.

[tattoobunnie]

Oh...then I do take that line back, since I did not phrase it properly. I am judging this woman based on the Casmut's dissatisfaction of her actions and I do believe that some people are lame in comparison to others who are special. I also doubt any of else have any power or even want to have any over Casmut's decisions. I am not judging Casmut as to whether he chooses to continue with this woman or not...we all need to go down the rabbit hole. And...we also only know of his story, not hers.

 

Just like everyone. We all are told and pretty much know how to lose weight. Eat right and exercise. We can yell it, broadcast, have seminars about it...but a person is still gonna do what they're gonna do. So if I call her lame or stinky...and the OP thinks she's the bomb-diggity...my mere un-vulgar statements of her would not even make the slightest dent.

 

If he doesn't want other's people's opinions...he does not have to come to use these boards for this situation. All I can do is read his side of things. And I note...the bad does not seem to outweigh the good.

 

I truly believe you don't have to marry everyone you sleep with. And that there are relationships that do run its course.

[Casmut]

Something with her was just different, i have dated and been in relationships before but she was the first girl i actually fell in love with. Even though i do not feel the same now she still holds a special place in my heart but the sheer fact that she cannot confront me with what happened really bothers me. As i have stated in previous posts she has low-self esteem and no confidence at all and with that being said i know her roomies aren't forcing her out she just thinks that they want her out for the party. Its the same as her always asking me if so and so hates or dislikes her, it happens all the time.

 

My friends are trying to protect me from her because when she did dump me, my friends(most of whom i've known for 20 or more years) said that in the time they have known me, they have never seen me that low before. The fact that she is somewhat trying to get back with me actually pisses off some of my friends. One of them demanded her number, and got real mad when i didn't give it to him.

 

One thing i am not trying to do is paint a bad picture and make my ex look like a monster, i simply state what has happened and what is currently happening. I am definitely not perfect and i have my faults that may have caused the break up, although somehow i really don't think i did anything to terribly wrong. I don't know why i think so highly of her, perhaps maybe cause we were friends for so long, or maybe because i want to know what happened that appeals to me, like you said Tattoo.

 

Tattoo and Tiger, your advice and opinions are greatly appreciated. There are always 2 sides to a coin, many of my friends really do have the same reaction like Tattoobunnie, they have said far worse things too. Then there are the few friends that are telling me to be careful and really question myself and maybe be patient and see what happens. That being said, all opinion's are welcome.

 

Another small update. Yesterday i received a parcel, but i wasn't at home to sign for it so the mail man tried to put it in my mail box but it wouldn't fit so he left me a note telling me where i can pick up the parcel. I didn't order anything and i wasn't expecting any packages. I went to the post office to see if it was in but i wasn't. I'll be going to check again in a few hours....honestly this has me really anxious and i don't know who it may be from, told a few friends and they all think its from the ex. I really don't believe its from her, i don't think she would do that but then it is Valentines day on Sunday. Strange isn't it?

[Casmut]

Well it turns out that the place i am supposed to pick up the parcel at hasn't received it yet and i need to wait until Tuesday to find out what it is and who its from.