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To those of you that have been cheated on


Firiel

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Do you ever get over it? After several years and falling in love again with someone that treats you right, does it still hurt? And how much?

 

I was just wondering because of a conversation I had with my fiance today. He had a dream with his ex-girlfriend in it, the one who had cheated on him numerous times. And he was saying how he had almost cried thinking about everything that happened and worrying about what would happen if I did the same.

 

I guess I just worry sometimes that she has a greater influence on him (even now) than I do. I know being cheated on is terrible and must be very hard to get over, but as I have never been cheated on, I don't really understand the ramifications.

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Some people do, some people don't.

I've gotten over it although it took like forever(and was also very traumatizing).

My ex, however, never got over it, and he was very jealous and insecure around me

no matter what I do or don't, and he once told me he will never be able to trust women.

His ex cheated on him like 5 years ago, and we were together for 2 years, and he did not change.

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I got cheated on twice, both by the same ex. The first time she cheated, I don't think I fully dealt with the fact she cheated, I just blanked her out but when she came back the second time and did the same thing, I was very hurt. I don't think I am fully over the fact that she cheated on me but my issue is with her and not anyone else. I dated another girl last year and I had no issues whatsoever with trust.

 

In my case it's a problem with the individual who cheated on me, not with someone who is trustworthy.

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I think it takes 1) you being strong and active about getting over it just like any other break up, and 2) a new partner who understands where you are coming from and who is patient and loving towards you.

 

In my case, I did a complete "scorched earth" policy right when I caught my ex cheating on me and completely erased him from my life within days. I dated around, never really seriously, and as a result, got burned by completely nice guys for never fully diving into the friendship/relationship, I was always on the surface. To be fair, I never really found the compatibility with those men.

 

It wasn't until I found my current boyfriend, who displayed such patience and love, that I finally let my guard down and came to love again. Of course thinking back on my ex's infidelities, it hurts, but not as much as when I found out. I recently had a pretty scary nightmare involving my ex, and me searching desperately for my boyfriend while being chased by my ex. The break up with my ex is almost a year in the past, so maybe it'll take some more time for him to not invade my thoughts like that anymore.

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It wasn't until I found my current boyfriend, who displayed such patience and love, that I finally let my guard down and came to love again.

 

That's how I felt with my STBX wife. She had the wool pulled over my eyes so well I let my guard down and that's when she started stepping out on me. BTW, I'm not saying that is going to happen to you or anyone else, but it's what happened to me and it makes trusting someone else ever again that much more difficult.

 

 

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That's how I felt with my STBX wife. She had the wool pulled over my eyes so well I let my guard down and that's when she started stepping out on me. BTW, I'm not saying that is going to happen to you or anyone else, but it's what happened to me and it makes trusting someone else ever again that much more difficult.

 

 

 

I agree that trusting someone is so much harder the subsequent times around. Really really hard. But it takes a really special person to display the love and patience to wait and show that s/he can be trusted, since trust is to be gained.

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I have been cheated on, twice by the same guy. And I took him back after both times until we broke up 3 months ago (not related to those instances).

 

 

You get over it. Time heals all wounds. That undying trust you had though is never the same. You still trust but never in that blind way again... there is always that silent question of 'what if' in the back of your mind. It's been 4 years since the first time.. 2 since the last... since we broke up it doesn't bother me I suppose. I can think about the situation and get angry about it but not the emotional angry you get when you find out... just anger in general for somebody doing that to you.

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Maybe because it is still recent for me (2-yr relationship, break up was 3 months ago and cheating had taken place for a few months before I found out last summer), I am still deeply affected by it and it feels like this sucker punch to the stomach has completely knocked the wind out of me and I still can't get back up. I am a really trusting person and this betrayal has resulted in walls starting to go up around my heart because I am too afraid to ever let anyone get that close to me again. I may learn to love again but I think I am forever changed by the broken trust.

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Been cheated on a couple times by two different women. They were at least fairly honest about it, and I got over it. I think it was easier to get over it, because it happened at the end of both relationships and the relationships were on the decline anyway. I did care and felt betrayed, but got over it.

 

I was with another lady in an LDR and it wasn't clear if she was cheating or not. I felt she was leading a double life, but she denied it. For some reason it was more traumatic, because it was difficult to determine what was going on.

 

It seems like when the cheating happens more in the 'middle' of the relationship, when you still have feeling for them, it hits you harder. If it's kind of toward the end and you don't have as big feelings for them, it's more difficult.

 

Strangely, the last lady I was with from the LDR - who denied cheating - I found a picture of her holding hands with another guy on facebook after we broke up. For some reason this was harder to take. Maybe because there was always a question looming over whether she was cheating or not and her denials. I think her evasion on the issue, made it more difficult. The other two were at least honest about it. I think the evasion and mystery mixed with the cheating, made it more difficult for me for some reason.

 

I've definantly got over the cheating in the past and I will get over it again...

 

I think you can trust again, but you have to evaluate what kind of women you are drawn to. I've come to appreciate character in a woman and that's what I'll be looking for next time I'm in a serious relationship.

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I've been cheated on. It took me awhile to get over it because he was first bf, but it doesn't bother me anymore. Looking back on it now, it was for the best because he really wasn't a good guy for me, and it never would've worked out, but I probably never would've broken up with him. It was the cheating that made me break up with him.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I was cheated on in December and found out about it about 2 weeks ago. Trying to forgive her because I do love her...but yeah. I don't think I can ever get over it. Regardless of who I am with, I am anticipating myself being more cautious and aware of everything.

 

Just little things that seemed like nothing (like my girlfriend telling me she couldn't sleep over the night before I travelled because she would feel sad seeing me leave, when in truth, it was because she had a flight the same day...ugh.) now no longer pass me by.

 

 

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i was cheated on NUMEROUS times by my ex (sex addict in hiding). when he confessed everything he had done my world was turned completely upside down. he hid it VERY WELL. i am now in a loving relationship with a very patient man but it is taking me a lot of time to get rid of the paranoia. i believe people can 'get over it' if they want to. i personally am trying not to punish my current boyfriend for my ex's infidelity. it is taking time but i am slowly learning to trust and let my guard down again. i am constantly finding myself putting my defense up, most times subconsciously. it is very frustrating.

 

i don't know that i'll ever be quite the same again but i really want to overcome this. i had a few other relationships that ended for various reasons - none of them being cheating. this blow knocked me off my feet for a very long time. it took me awhile to even want to date again.

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