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My v-day "gift" idea for a co-worker...is this acceptable?


Seymore

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So there's this girl at my work that I've been very attracted to. She's friendly, never has a nasty thing to say about anyone, religious and very involved in her church, loves music and is very, very cute to boot. She's been there around 6 months now. We work in different departments, so we don't see much of each other, but I always make sure to smile and say hi or chat about things. I've always just kept it friendly, however, because she's had a boyfriend for a couple of years. They have a daughter together, and I just kept my distance, but still being friendly. We'd leave little notes on each other's time cards saying "Have a great day" every so often (which I initiated before I realized she had a boyfriend), but that was it.

 

The receptionist called me a couple of weeks ago just to tell me that the girl had broken it off with her boyfriend the prior week. From what I understand, she thought the appropriate thing would be to get married since they have a child, and I guess the boyfriend wasn't going for it, not to mention not holding up his end of the relationship, so she ended it. The receptionist always said she'd be good for me if she were single, and now she is.

 

I totally realize she's fresh out of a relationship, but she does seem like a genuinely good person, and WERE anything to come of this, I would definitely not jump into anything. But anyway...

 

2 weeks ago, she called me into the break room as I was passing by, and asked me to help her decide which drink to buy, Fanta or Sprite. I joked around with her a little but helped her make her decision. SO...since V-Day is Sunday and we don't work that day, I thought I'd get her a Fanta and a Sprite and make her a mix cd (NOT mushy stuff, she loves the same music I do and I've got some gems I doubt she's heard before) and leave them on her desk, with a little note saying "Hey X, I hope you have a FANTA-stic Valentine's Day!" Something real cheesy, that isn't over the top, but will still make her smile. If all I get out of it is a smile and nothing more, I've at least achieved that and that'd be great. I just want to let her know I like her, but not to go overboard.

 

So what do you think? Too much?

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You know, I'd love it if my husband came up with something like that. Just keep it light...she's on the rebound, you know.

 

Another thing that could just be a red flag: She may not be as religious as you may think if she's having kids out of wedlock (and we all see where that led and what it is probably doing to that poor child).

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I was thinking the same thing. I'm not going to ask her out or anything, just see where it leads and if anything I'd want to just hang out and get to know her before jumping into anything or forming any solid conclusions about her. Take it REAL slow.

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ya if you do that (it is really sweet by the way) it def. sends the message that you are into her. If you just want to do something sweet that would be a little less ovbiouse then just do the drink idea minus the cd, or if you just want to let her know you are thinking of her do the group email vertigo recommended, that lets her know you are thinking of her but not singling her out. I mean really what you do depends on what you want out of the situation and how strong of an "i like you" message you want to send.

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As a guy, I think this is a terrible idea.

 

1) If you care about your job or career, getting involved with a co-worker can get messy.

2) She may be out of relationship. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. She has a child with this man and it's not like he's out of her life forever.

3) If it works out, you do realize, you'll be spending your time and resources taking care of her child.

4) You're 30 and can't find women outside of work with no children?

 

Despite all this, if you want to proceed, just ask her out, no gift. Women like challenge. If she think she already has you because of the gifts, then what's the point of going out with you? If she's really going to be alone on Valentine's day then make a date with her. Never show a woman all your cards.

 

Good Luck, whatever you decide!

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Eh, do it the old fashioned way and send her a group valentines day email. Sweet enough but not too overbearing.

 

And WHO was telling me she'd melt if she got a mix cd from a guy?

 

Despite all this, if you want to proceed, just ask her out, no gift. Women like challenge. If she think she already has you because of the gifts, then what's the point of going out with you? If she's really going to be alone on Valentine's day then make a date with her. Never show a woman all your cards.

 

Good Luck, whatever you decide!

 

You raise good points (like the work thing - my dad always said "Don't get your meat where you make your bread"), but I don't mind a woman with a kid. I've been in that sort of relationship and I get along well with kids. Plus, two $1 bottles of soda isn't much of a gift, I think. I'm going to nix the CD, however, and only management has e-mail at work, so the mass e-mail wouldn't do. A friend had suggested I leave valentine candy on the desks of everyone in her department, but they'd totally get suspicious since I've never done that in the 9 years I've been there.

 

I do want to let her know I'm interested and see if there could be something there, like if she responds in a positive way. She's fresh out of a relationship and I don't want to be too overbearing, so I figure I'd do this and leave the ball in her court, so to speak. If she suggests interest maybe I'll ask her to shoot some pool as friends sometime, just hang out. If I start to get bad feelings, I can just stop hanging out.

 

But this is all an enormous IF. She might smile, say thanks and that's it, but at least I have the possibility of making her day and I'm fine with that.

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As a guy, I think this is a terrible idea.

 

1) If you care about your job or career, getting involved with a co-worker can get messy.

2) She may be out of relationship. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. She has a child with this man and it's not like he's out of her life forever.

3) If it works out, you do realize, you'll be spending your time and resources taking care of her child.

4) You're 30 and can't find women outside of work with no children?

 

Despite all this, if you want to proceed, just ask her out, no gift. Women like challenge. If she think she already has you because of the gifts, then what's the point of going out with you? If she's really going to be alone on Valentine's day then make a date with her. Never show a woman all your cards.

 

Good Luck, whatever you decide!

 

 

 

 

 

 

This from a womens point of view is a bad idea, just understand that she has a child and understand what dating her means,,,, like i said the soda thing is a great idea and not all co-worker dating is bad I'm marrying my boss

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Well, I guess it was a hit...she called my extension and thanked me, saying it was "adorable and even better than flowers". I told her she was more than welcome and to have a great day.

 

I still get the feeling I don't have a snowball's chance in hell with her. I mean, she's on the rebound and for all I know she could be trying to make it work with her boyfriend/ex - I mean they've been together 3 years, you don't just up and leave without trying to resolve things...I dunno...

 

I'm kind of crappy at reading reactions. But I made her day, it seems

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That is a WONDERFUL idea, Seymore! I would appreciate it very much in this situation. You are being creative and sweet with just the right amount of cheesiness (IMO). It doesn't scream "stalker" but it's not underdone either.

 

I suggest you go ahead with it. Even though she's just getting out of a relationship, this will cheer her up either way whether it turns into something or not. If anything, I'm sure it will make her smile!

 

Since she's calling you over to the breakroom to ask your opinion of a drink, that is a great sign!

 

Good luck, Seymore! Keep us updated. : )

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Doh...too late again. : )

 

I don't think you have no chance. Saying it was adorable and even better than flowers sounds like a positive thing. If I said that, I would definitely be feeling you on some level. Otherwise, I would have just given a polite thanks.

 

Just take it slow. Don't get discouraged. She's probably still in pain, but if you keep being friendly and funny with her, you do have a good chance. Just don't overwhelm her and you should be fine!

 

Well, I guess it was a hit...she called my extension and thanked me, saying it was "adorable and even better than flowers". I told her she was more than welcome and to have a great day.

 

I still get the feeling I don't have a snowball's chance in hell with her. I mean, she's on the rebound and for all I know she could be trying to make it work with her boyfriend/ex - I mean they've been together 3 years, you don't just up and leave without trying to resolve things...I dunno...

 

I'm kind of crappy at reading reactions. But I made her day, it seems

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I don't agree with this at all. Work is the best place to meet people because you have a chance to interact with them organically, IMO. We don't know about the woman otherwise just that she's out of the relationship and has a child. We don't know her relationship with her ex.

 

I don't agree that he should ask her out without a gift either. The gift is a friendly gesture that will warm her heart towards the OP. Just asking someone out without any trust is not a good diea. I'd never accept a date proposal from someone I didn't have some background knowledge of already. So, as a woman, I think he did the right thing. She may not be ready for something yet, but I can almost guarantee that he's on her mind...UNLESS she's not over her ex at all OR she has no attraction towards Seymore.

 

If there was a little spark, this has only helped it, IMO.

 

 

As a guy, I think this is a terrible idea.

 

1) If you care about your job or career, getting involved with a co-worker can get messy.

2) She may be out of relationship. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. She has a child with this man and it's not like he's out of her life forever.

3) If it works out, you do realize, you'll be spending your time and resources taking care of her child.

4) You're 30 and can't find women outside of work with no children?

 

Despite all this, if you want to proceed, just ask her out, no gift. Women like challenge. If she think she already has you because of the gifts, then what's the point of going out with you? If she's really going to be alone on Valentine's day then make a date with her. Never show a woman all your cards.

 

Good Luck, whatever you decide!

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Ok, well the receptionist just stopped me after I punched back in from lunch and told me that the girl told her about my gift and said "If I don't get a date out of this, I don't know what I'm going to do!"

 

See! I knew it! : ) She definitely likes you!!! Just take it slow but keep on being sweet...trust me, we like it! Especially if we like you!--Which she obviously does! Way to go!

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I've already got plans for this weekend, but maybe next week I'll ask her out for coffee or something. Like I said, she's fresh out of a relationship and a "date" date might be too much.

 

I'm so excited right now that I want to scream, but I'm at work. I never thought a girl like her could be interested in me.

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I've already got plans for this weekend, but maybe next week I'll ask her out for coffee or something. Like I said, she's fresh out of a relationship and a "date" date might be too much.

 

I'm so excited right now that I want to scream, but I'm at work. I never thought a girl like her could be interested in me.

 

Well maybe she thought a "guy like you" would never be interested in her either! : ) Have confidence! If she likes you, she likes you. You're doing the right thing by not rushing it, but since she actually SAID she hopes she gets a date of this, I think you have the green light to ask her out whenever you want. In fact, you could always ask her today--for next week. I'm so excited for you!

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She came in to ask me a work-related question and while I was helping I asked if she had plans for the weekend. She said none at all, so I asked her out for coffee on Valentine's Day at 5pm - she said she loves coffee. I figure it's quiet, we can get to know each other and maybe have dinner accross the street after if things go well.

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