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Servillo

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I posted this in the Cyber Relationship forum, as it seemed applicable, but I hardly got any response there.

 

A couple months ago, I met someone online. When I first met her she seemed like a nice, sweet girl, and I hadn't dated anyone in a few years, so I figured I might as well give it a shot. I went into it knowing it was going to be a long-distance relationship, and I knew things were going to be tough. I also figured that if we started long-distance, worked through that part of the relationship, and finally got together, we'd have a good, strong relationship for the future.

 

Unfortunately, she has had a very rough life. I won't go into details, but she essentially is depressed to the point where she doesn't think she deserves to be happy, and that I would be better off without her. There is almost no one around her that believes any relationship she's in will work, much less this relationship, and I feel like I'm going against a brick wall.

 

I do want this to work out. I feel that if we can work through this part, we can work through anything. She's the kind of person I've wanted for a long time. I just feel like I'm hitting a brick wall when it comes to letting her know how much I care, and how much I want this. A part of her believes me, but another part of her doesn't, and I'm afraid she's listening to the part that doesn't.

 

She recently tried to leave via e-mail, saying that while she loved me, she didn't think she was right for me. It felt like I had been suckerpunched, immediately rushed to MSN, and only just caught her in time, and managed to convince her not to leave.

 

It's not like she's always like this. In fact, this has only shown up in the last few days. Most of the time she's very caring and loving, and when we're talking like that, I feel like everything is going to be okay, like we can work through all the problems we may have. I just get really scared when she starts talking about how I wouldn't be happy with her, etc., and those thoughts of hers have cropped up a lot in the last few days.

 

I should also add that sometimes my habits don't help matters. I can be rather oblivious to some things, like forgetting to check my cell phone for a call, or not noticing some of the little things she does. I haven't had a girlfriend in years, much less one as serious as this, and I'm still not used to some of the things I need to be doing. I know it hurts her when I do stuff like that, and I'm working to improve. I'm also becoming just a little paranoid about her leaving. In the past, she starts talking about how she doesn't want to burden me with her problems, which usually led to her wanting to leave. It happened rather recently that she started talking like that again, and even though she told me she won't leave, I still had to ask to make sure. I'm afraid about what that could lead to in the future, if I allow this sort of concern to become more of a full-fledged paranoia.

 

I just hope what I've written is coherent enough. If anyone has any further questions, let me know.

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It seems to be slower around here for some reason. I've had an LDR, I was more in that girl's position tho, not happy w/ my own life and kept it distant even for an LDR. It's tough to help someone cope with their issues, especially when they keep popping up. Be supportive, but not over-supportive. She does have to show interest and initiative to be with u...

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