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Absolute Torture :(


Just Me85

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Why am I so highly strung over this guy?

 

Friends for 10 years, always been a strong attraction with feelings involved. He always comes back into my life one way or another, and I always feel the same.

 

This time its gone further than ever. Been seeing eachother for 2 months now, though we aren't officially what you would call boyfriend and girlfriend. It almost feels as if that title is beneath us. Best friends, later lovers...We have been through so much lately that has made us closer in a lot of ways and intensified the whole thing.

 

He has been there for me. Texts me every day like clockwork and sees me at least twice a week. We make love..everybody knows theres a difference between sex and making love. We cuddle and play and talk for hours and when he looks in my eyes I'm just hooked.

 

I realise now that I have always loved this man. But this time I really am falling IN LOVE with him and its torture. Forever doubting, asking myself if he feels the same way. I cant sleep I cant eat. Its knocked me for six at a time I really didnt expect it.

 

A month ago he ran, said he was scared of getting hurt. I called his bluff..within 24 hours he let me know that he felt he had been too hasty but its only because his feelings are strong. He's asked if we can take it real slow. Im more than happy to wait, to me its worth it...but my heart is racing ahead.

 

He jokes and says things about me being "the one" because we always pop up in eachothers lives. The first girl he ever asked out at 16..ten years later and we still cant keep our hands off eachother.

 

Is falling in love really this frustrating? I feel like Im out of control with my feelings and its too late for me to run. Im just...hooked.

 

Im absolutely terrified of telling him the intensity of my feelings, though Im pretty sure he can tell and Im confused because I could swear he feels the same about me, but maybe not as strongly...

 

I need to get this out of my system but...

 

I love him I love him I love him! How can I stop? Someone help me, I'm going to crash and burn...Because Im flying so high at the moment and I'm terrified..

 

xxx

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