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Should I send her flowers? PLease advise!!


ichiban

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Ok so to make a long story short, my GF and I broke up because she is currently taking care of her dad with cancer. We broke up not because of a lack of affection or friction between us, but because she couldnt handle being in a relationship with anyone right now. I talked to her a few days after we separated and she was truly broken up with her decision to break up, but she was still sure she needed to be there for her dad for now. (Therefore, I am 100% certain there is nobody else and that her feelings for me were geniune)

 

So Valentines day is coming up. I havent talked to her in about a week. I'm giving her space as so many ENO's have suggested. Its helping me deal and I'm sure its doing the same for her.

 

But I am wondering if I should send her flowers with a simple card saying "Hope you are well!"

 

I know it is weighing down hard on her on the sacrifice she is having to make for her family and I dont want her to feel lonely and unloved on this special day. But on the other hand, I dont want her to feel pressured like I am trying to force her to get back together when her father is still very sick.

 

WHAT DO I DO????

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Ok so to make a long story short, my GF and I broke up because she is currently taking care of her dad with cancer. We broke up not because of a lack of affection or friction between us, but because she couldnt handle being in a relationship with anyone right now.

 

 

 

THis makes absolutely no sense to me.

 

Are you suggesting that a woman with a weighty family problem has removed an emotional support pillar that you provide by breaking up with you?

 

Women just don't do that. They breakup because "the spark " has gone (in spite of whatever they tell you otherwise).

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THis makes absolutely no sense to me.

 

Are you suggesting that a woman with a weighty family problem has removed an emotional support pillar that you provide by breaking up with you?

 

Women just don't do that. They breakup because "the spark " has gone (in spite of whatever they tell you otherwise).

 

She may have felt that because she needs to give so much time and attention to her dad, that it wouldn't be fair to him to continue with the relationship right now. It probably would have done more harm than good if they were to stay together. This is the impression I get anyway.

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She may have felt that because she needs to give so much time and attention to her dad, that it wouldn't be fair to him to continue with the relationship right now. It probably would have done more harm than good if they were to stay together. This is the impression I get anyway.

 

That is verbatim what she said. She said she feels guilty all the time that she is so short tempered, tired, and that she wouldnt have time to spend with me. Plus since he just started chemo, things would only get worse says she. She also said for a while she thought she could handle it, but after a while she couldnt deal with all the pressures and emotions. Truthfully, I think she is dealing with a bout of depression from being overwhelmed with her fathers mortality in such a short duration of time.

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Yes I can understand that. And she probably would be dealing with some sort of depression. I am very sorry for what she is going through. I think the flowers would be a good idea. Maybe just put a few words in the card just to say you are thinking of her and hope she is doing ok and wish her father well.

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Definitely send her flowers! She is going through a tough time and if nothing they will put a smile on her face.

 

Just write something simple like " Hope you are well ( her name),Happy Valentines Day, Thinking of you ... with love ( your name)

 

It's simple, it will make her day and she will appreciate it.

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Definitely send her flowers! She is going through a tough time and if nothing they will put a smile on her face.

 

Just write something simple like " Hope you are well ( her name),Happy Valentines Day, Thinking of you ... with love ( your name)

 

It's simple, it will make her day and she will appreciate it.

 

I'm leaning towards sending them but without the Thinking of you and with love part only because like DN said, I dont want it to be misconstrued as me applying pressure on her.

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I'm leaning towards sending them but without the Thinking of you and with love part only because like DN said, I dont want it to be misconstrued as me applying pressure on her.

 

That is entirely up to you.

 

If she only broke up with you due to wanting to concentrate on her father than saying that you are thinking of her isn't bad, it might put her mind at ease.

Saying "with love" is just a nice way of ending the note, it's something many people use, again personal preference. The decision in the end is your to make.

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Do not send her flowers. This will be a sign to her that you are trying to work your way back into her life. On a different note, I am very confused why someone would have to remove you from their life just because they have to take care of an ill parent. In contrast, if it was me I would hope for my girlfriend to stick around when a trategy like this hits for emotional support and otherwise rather than cut her off. To me this sounds like an excuse not to be with you.

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Flowers are a sweet gesture but I agree that you stay away from roses. Send a mixed bouquet, one with a few cheerful gerbera daisies, as a gesture of friendship and support. I would also send this bouquet before Valentine's Day. This way it won't be construed as romantic pressure.

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THis makes absolutely no sense to me.

 

Are you suggesting that a woman with a weighty family problem has removed an emotional support pillar that you provide by breaking up with you?

 

Women just don't do that. They breakup because "the spark " has gone (in spite of whatever they tell you otherwise).

 

That statement isnt entirely true.

 

I know of people who pushed their lovers away when a family member became ill for many reasons.

 

Usually because their focus goes to the family member and they dont see a relationship while they are trying to help care for a very ill loved one. Others did it because they did not want their partner to see them go through the angst and hurt of tending to a loved one. So rather then lean on, support and show their emotions, they pushed that person away to save face.

 

As others have said, sending flowers is a nice gesture given the circumstances. Do not address the break, separation or reconciliation.

 

I would simply send flowers that said Hope you and your family are well. I am thinking of you all. Love X

 

Keep us posted on the outcome.

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Do not send her flowers. This will be a sign to her that you are trying to work your way back into her life. On a different note, I am very confused why someone would have to remove you from their life just because they have to take care of an ill parent. In contrast, if it was me I would hope for my girlfriend to stick around when a trategy like this hits for emotional support and otherwise rather than cut her off. To me this sounds like an excuse not to be with you.

 

This guy "gets it".

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That statement isnt entirely true.

 

I know of people who pushed their lovers away when a family member became ill for many reasons.

 

 

That is not a noble sacrifice- it is a misguided choice . A person who does this is not a suitable candidate for an adult relationship.

It show a weakness in their character and a poor ability to deal with what life tosses at us.

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Wow... Thanks for all the responses!

 

Truthfully, i have already accepted that we are likely not going to get back together for a long time. (Chemo is 6 months + what if, god forbid, he gets worse).

 

So I am doing this to do something nice for this girl whom I love and if, unfortunately, she does construe it the wrong way and pushes me farther away, I'm OK with that too as my expectations of us getting back together any time soon is nil. Lol so I have nothing to lose and her momentary happiness to gain.

 

I think i'm settled on a vase of lilies. I think I remember her saying that she likes lilies. Simple note: 'Hope you and your family are well! Happy Valentines Day -ichiban'

 

I think that should be good.

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As others have said, sending flowers is a nice gesture given the circumstances. Do not address the break, separation or reconciliation.

 

I would simply send flowers that said Hope you and your family are well. I am thinking of you all. Love X

 

Keep us posted on the outcome.

 

By sending flowers he is covertly transmitting the message that she can break up with him for "family" reasons and he will continue to hang around in the background. It matters little whether he "addresses" the breakup in the card, the act of send flowers on V-day IS the reconciliation hope,and will be interpreted as such by her.

This guy needs to get along with his life and stop trying to find ways to maneuver an uninterested woman back in his life.

 

However, whether she has low interest level in him, or she is legitimately overwhelmed by her circumstances matters little. The fact is that she bailed out of a relationship when her conditions became difficult.

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That is not a noble sacrifice- it is a misguided choice . A person who does this is not a suitable candidate for an adult relationship.

It show a weakness in their character and a poor ability to deal with what life tosses at us.

 

I actually agree with that to a certain extent. Which is why I am ok if we do not end up together. I do love her, but I have thought 'what if she lost her job in the future? Is she gonna kick me to the curb again?'

 

Regardless, she was my friend first and whatever I can do to be supportive of my ex-lover in her time in need is fine with me.

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Before you guys pass too much judgement on someone, has any one of you experienced cancer with a close parent?

 

A year ago, my father was diagnosed with lung cancer. He was one of the lucky ones because they found it early and got him into surgery, really, really quickly. It was unbelievably traumatic. While I didn't break up with my man, without the prior experience of going through my mother's previous breast cancer surgery, I don't know if I could have handled it.

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