Shallowness

[Dougie_D]

Are most girls so shallow that they wouldn't date a man because they feel embarrassed being around him? Why do a lot of girls say "You would be a great boyfriend," but never seem interested in you? In all honesty, is being considered DATABLE more of a STATUS? It bothers me when women say the guy has to have a career, drive in life, good looking body, etc... The last time I checked, people in high school don't have these qualities but there was no problem with everyone hooking up and having girlfriends.

[I_Speak_Jive]

But how is that shallow? You yourself are probably not attracted to 97 percent of the women you meet, but that's just.... the way it is, not shallowness.

 

It bothers me when women say the guy has to have a career, drive in life, good looking body, etc... The last time I checked, people in high school don't have these qualities but there was no problem with everyone hooking up and having girlfriends.

 

People in high-school obviously don't have much of a career, seeing as they are -well, in high school. But certainly, physical attraction played a very important role there as well -as did personality traits such as passion, drive, humour and the willingness to let you copy their Math homework.

 

I guess I am failing to understand what you really mean. It sounds to me that you are saying women should date men that they don't find attractive or desirable, with a full life that's taking them places?

[Dougie_D]

I really don't know what I am saying...I just don't know why I can't find a girlfriend. I've tried to change my personality, looks, attitude, but nothing seems to work. The ones that have boyfriends are willing to share time with me, tell me how great of guy I am, and even say that one day a girl will be lucky to have me. On the flipside, the girls that are single seem to not even want to TRY to get to know me.

[jenny_mcs]

You have posted over and over that you act immaturely when out in public- that you crave being the center of attention, and will act like a goofball to get that. Most people (men or women) do not want to date someone that embarrasses them.

[CaptainNapalm]

Are most girls so shallow that they wouldn't date a man because they feel embarrassed being around him? Why do a lot of girls say "You would be a great boyfriend," but never seem interested in you? In all honesty, is being considered DATABLE more of a STATUS? It bothers me when women say the guy has to have a career, drive in life, good looking body, etc... The last time I checked, people in high school don't have these qualities but there was no problem with everyone hooking up and having girlfriends.

 

This isn't shallow at all, merely a standard of preference. People tend to be attracted to others who are in similar achievements in life. An accomplished woman with a good career, driven in life, good looking, etc. would seek most of these characteristics in someone she dates. Women who tell a man that he would be a great boyfriend but end up not pursuing him generally are not attracted to this man physically. Last time I checked people in high school are not in the point of their lives to really know what they want in a partner, that's why they experiment and through this process end up knowing what they want as adults, that's why no one in high school has a problem hooking up. Plus, it's not a big deal to waste time in highschool dating men you don't necessarily see fit for you but once a woman reaches a certain age it becomes important for her to find what she's looking for and not waste time. A woman of standards is a woman of class, that is, if she is able to offer the same to the table, however, a woman of standards who offers nothing in return of similar nature is... a gold digger.

[petite]

High school was all about looks, at least where I grew up, actually I think most high schools are like that.

 

When people get older and when they know "what they want", then they tend to go for it.

Just because a single girl thinks you are great does not mean she should/would date you. She could possibly see you as a good friend. It's just one of those things, a guy can have all the characteristics a woman wants and she still might not feel that he is for her. Don't feel offended by it, there are people in this life that simply might not see you as partner material and that happens to everyone.

[fantastic]

Everybody in this world is shallow. Just accept it, because it isn't going to change.

[dangletsbang]

Everybody in this world is shallow. Just accept it, because it isn't going to change.

 

I'm not shallow. I have preferences. I prefer a guy to be taller than me..I prefer a guy to be physically attractive..I prefer a guy with a good job..

 

there's nothing wrong with that.

[coyote1980]

I don't understand why you keep posting your negative views on women.

I already posted in your previous post that it seems to me that women you hang out withseem to be pretty inconsiderate or rude, and you also have to understand

there are women out there who are NOT SHALLOW.

Please don't generalize here.

[Car Chick]

Are most girls so shallow that they wouldn't date a man because they feel embarrassed being around him? Why do a lot of girls say "You would be a great boyfriend," but never seem interested in you? In all honesty, is being considered DATABLE more of a STATUS? It bothers me when women say the guy has to have a career, drive in life, good looking body, etc... The last time I checked, people in high school don't have these qualities but there was no problem with everyone hooking up and having girlfriends.

 

I can see why having a drive in life is imporant. A girl doens't want some lazy guy that sits around doing nothing all day while she pulls that weight. That's not shallow.

 

And not all girls need a guy with a good body and a career and whatever. My bf is sexy to me, but that's becuase I am attracted to his personality. He doens't have a job, and that doesn't bother me.

 

I don't think girls really are turned off to you by your body or lack of a job or whatever. But the bitterness in calling all women shallow is a MAJOR turn-off. If I said all men are lazy jerks, would you want to date me?

[Car Chick]

I don't understand why you keep posting your negative views on women.

I already posted in your previous post that it seems to me that women you hang out withseem to be pretty inconsiderate or rude, and you also have to understand

there are women out there who are NOT SHALLOW.

Please don't generalize here.

 

I agree, generalizing is never a good idea. People are so diverse and unique that no one group of people can be catagorized as all being shallow or this or that. People are individuals. It's important to see and treat them as such.

[agent1607307371]

It bothers me when women say the guy has to have a career, drive in life, good looking body, etc...

 

because you have no career, no drive and don't take care of yourself? Seriously, would you date a lazy, ungroomed slob?

 

The last time I checked, people in high school don't have these qualities but there was no problem with everyone hooking up and having girlfriends.

Last time I checked everyone in high school was in high school. People tend to mature and become more sophisticated in their tastes and realise what is necessary to them for a successful relationship.

[Car Chick]

I'm not shallow. I have preferences. I prefer a guy to be taller than me..I prefer a guy to be physically attractive..I prefer a guy with a good job..

 

there's nothing wrong with that.

 

Absolutly. There is no reason to settle. And what the op doesn't seem to understand is that each person has different prefernces.

 

My guy dropped out of high school and does manual labor for a living. He doesn't have a lot of money or a perfect body. But those things don't matter to me. He's got a great personality. He is loving, kind, and caring and always thinking about how he can help other people. He has an utter devotion to God. He's a wonderful father to his daughter. He's patient. He makes me smile and laugh. He tells me sweet little nothings. He has a big heart. He's mature when he needs to be and a child at heart at other times. I love all those things about him and many more. Those things outweigh the negatives, but that's only because his positives are in line with my preferences. He's the age I like, a strong Christian, makes me laugh, and treats me wonderfully. Those things are a must for me. The others aren't.

 

OP, you just have to wait for a girl that will have the right preferences to match you. And working on bettering yourself doesn't hurt either. I am always trying to find and improbe my flaws. From what the other posters have noticed about you, it seems you have problems with maturity and a negative view of women. Work on those things, be yourself, and have patience. Do these things, and you should be just fine.

[fantastic]

I'm not shallow. I have preferences. I prefer a guy to be taller than me..I prefer a guy to be physically attractive..I prefer a guy with a good job..

 

there's nothing wrong with that.

 

Yes you are shallow but don't take it as an insult. I'm shallow also, and so is everyone in this world.

 

Having a prefernce makes you shallow. Sorry it's true, but that's okay.

[HouseKitten]

Are most girls so shallow that they wouldn't date a man because they feel embarrassed being around him?

 

Why on earth would anyone want to date someone who makes them feel shame and embarrassment? That's not restricted to women - nobody wants to be with someone who makes them feel negative emotions. I don't think that's a particularly picky expectation for someone to have of their partner.

[absinthe]

Dougie D, I know this is a shallow suggestion but if that's you in your avatar, have you considered a more assertive hairstyle? Here's one that Paul Walker has, that might be a better style for you. Keep in mind that you'll have to wax or gel your hair but it looks pretty low maintenance, on the scale of things:

 

link removed

[Blue Spiral]

because you have no career, no drive and don't take care of yourself? Seriously, would you date a lazy, ungroomed slob?

 

...is she hot? And, more importantly, is she a good person?

 

In the ongoing spirit of generalizing, I don't think that men care as much about women having drive/career-focus/whatever we're calling this particular cultural dog-whistle.

 

OP: I don't envy you, my friend; I've been in your situation. The bottom line is that human beings like things, and no amount of lecturing, effort, or disastrous consequences will make them like something else. Making ourselves miserable over this basic fact is pointless.

 

I used to really, really want a relationship, but then I realized that most relationship-minded women wanted a set of qualities that I not only didn't have, but didn't want to have. So I had to learn to adapt.

 

If you're willing to change yourself or pretend you're something you're not, you may be in luck. If you're happy with the way you are now, well, it's a somewhat harder road. Good luck either way.

[Dougie_D]

O.k. I'm sorry. Maybe "shallow" wasn't a good word to use. I'm trying to figure out what is undesirable about me. I've been working out, lost 6 pounds in about one month. I'm not a huge guy, I'm borderline chunky. I can run the 5k in 20 minutes. The one thing I can say though which personally I think is attractive is, "Doug, you are always one of those guys that can make anyone's bad day get better. You always make someone laugh and smile."

I know I shouldn't get down on my looks, but even my parents have wanted me to get plastic surgery. I know for a fact, my dad wants me to be an athletic, popular, handsome, get all the girls, type of guy. I really get pissed when my friends come over and he tells me I need to dress like my friends because "well, they look cooler."

[HouseKitten]

Have you tried experimenting with different types of facial hair and hair style?

 

The goatee isn't crazy popular right now, and facial hair can change the shape and look of your face quite dramatically, as can the right haircut.

[Dougie_D]

My new avatar is a picture of me 2 years ago.

[HouseKitten]

See, that looks like a different person to me. For a start, you look far different in ages than a mere two years between those two pictures. So you see how facial hair and hairstyle can change how you look drastically. If you're not sure what suits you, a hairdresser is normally a haven of advice.

 

I can't really tell what your dress sense is like, so I don't know if your friend is right but would you say you were pissed because he was close to the mark or just because he felt he could comment?

[Dougie_D]

my dad is the one that is trying to suggest that I should be more like my friends. My father just doesn't like me. That's been all my life. My dad is a broker, and when the market goes crappy it's easier to blame someone else. My friends even say that my father is terrible the way he treats me. My mom on the other is like an angel sent from the heavens. She goes out of her way to make people feel good. In a weird way, I'm just like my dad and my mom. Not good!!!!

[Dougie_D]

this picture is one I just took.

[HouseKitten]

Smile!

 

This is only my preference but you look younger and far more approachable like that than you do in your other two pictures.

 

Have you ever tried internet dating? If your personality is what shines through then maybe you'd have more luck somewhere like that.

[Dougie_D]

yes, I've tried internet dating. It doesn't work for me. I will send a message to someone that I'm interested in but they never reply. Actually, in Internet Dating it's worst. It's STRICTLY based on looks the FIRST time. Now, if I can get a girl to go on a date for the first time, things may look up for me.