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Day 9 of NC


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This is my 5th or 6th attempt at going NC. The longest I have been able to maintain it was 11 days. I made a promise to myself that I would go the entire month of February without any kind of contact. Today, on my way to work, thoughts of her creeped up on me. I didn't realize it until a few minutes ago, but today would mark 6 months since our break up. That reminder made me feel worse.

 

I guess I am just looking to be told to stick to NC. Thank you everyone for stating the obvious. I haven't been this anxious to break NC before and I know if I get through today, it will be a testament to my will power. I have this urge to open the door for reconciliation and tell her that I have learned from the break up and to not hessitate if the opportunity came up again.

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Me: Hey can I ask you something without you getting annoyed?

 

Her: OK

 

Me: Do you see us re-establishing a friendship? I truly am over our relationship and I know if I wasn't, it would be impossible to be friends...but in order for it to somewhat work, you would have to try as well...

 

Her: I dont think I can. Its too much history.

 

Me: I didnt think so either but we have never really tried, And to be honest, I dont know how it would work if were in relationships because I feel kinda weird being too friendly with someone who has a boyfriend. Nobody wants drama about why an ex is texting...been there done that. Uhm, I really do want to be friends with you, but I understand the circumstances. It might not mean much, but just know that if you ever want to establish something with me, I am more than willing to.

 

^^^

Word for word text exchange. She has a tendency to be a hard ass, and as much as it bothers me, its one of her personality traits that I actually admire. I know I annoy her with talking about us, but I have gotten much better about it and giving her the space and time away from me. Im pretty confident that she will one day want to be friends again, but I guess I havent given her enough time to miss me. If after months and months of NC I get no response from her, then I know it wasnt meant to be. Im still waiting for the day I can say 'Wow...I havent talked to her in 5 months'

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Fluid, Fluid, Fluid, what part of "NVM! I cracked and text her..." makes you think that you'll ever get to months and months of NC? You've made it how many days? How will you ever make it months?

 

You need a coping strategy, some skills, a plan for when the urge strikes. If you're so undisciplined that you can't go much more than a week, you will never have the space needed to have a clear view of the what and why that tore you apart. Make a plan...

 

(Regarding that compulsion to talk about "us", I know that emotional neediness, that desperation for reassurance. I always wanted to talk about "us" in my marriage. Then, one day, I heard myself. I mean, I really heard. It was pathetic and whiny and completely unsexy. If I heard that from someone else, I would have been completely turned off. It was easy to stop after I heard how undesireable it made me sound. James Bond never wants to talk about "us", does he? Tap your inner Bond, Fluid.)

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Autumn...thank you! Trust me, I know my mistake and how bad I will feel after breaking NC. My will power isn't all that great.

 

I definitely do need a strategy. I have slowly pushed myself into keeping myself busy, but I know I am still capable of doing more. It wasn't until recently that I woke up and said 'Wow...Im over her' Now I feel very empowered to aggressively work on moving on and improving myself. I'm also dealing with what I have self-diagnosed as social anxiety, and that is putting a major set back on myself as well. It would be nice to have some friends to help pass the time with...

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you shouldnt lie to her and tell her you are "truly over our relationship" when you are clearly not.

 

 

Over the relationship...yes. Ive accepted the fact that we are done.

 

Over the fact that I lost a friend...definitely not. I do miss simply hanging out with her and talking about each other's day and how it went. We were very good friends before dating. She left it as 'IDK...Maybe down the road' Of course a vague response but I am hanging no hope on it. I know she will make the effort if she really wants to.

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I guess I should have cleared up that by 'reconciliation' I meant to re-establish a friendship. Of course if she would like to date again, I would seriously consider it, but not get into it until we fall for each other again.

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