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Help! We're Sinking....


millye

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I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months and we are in love. the first 7 months of our relationship have been awesome, i guess in the "honeymoon" stage and it has been the best relationship I have had. I am 27 and he is 25. This past week we have been have major conflict over small things. Also, we have been living together for the past two months... not as a long term thing.... while I get back on my feet. (I was in a very bad roommate situation before in which a lot of money was stolen from me by said bad roommate)... me getting back on my feet and moving out happens March 1st in a couple of weeks.

Before this week my boyfriend was telling me things that he could see himself marrying me... and wants me to meet his parents.... after last nights conversation he said he doesn't feel this way anymore. Here is the problem... it is me. I am not a very trusting person due to infidelity in the past. so i have had my insecurities about our relationship. i guess i look harder for warning signs so i do not get hurt again and i confront them and bring them up. my boyfriend has always been vocal about girls he has hooked up with in the past, also about young celebrities that he thinks are hot (some under the age of 18), he has also told me that our oral sex is not good on both ends.... he once told me in the beginning of our relationship that after going down on him and him not getting off that one of his ex-girlfriends gave head like a pornstar I guess trying to give me a tip...on what to do better but, i took offense to it. He also tells me he does not feel the need to have sex all the time because it can feel like routine... so we have sex maybe once to twice a week and then sometimes less. I want to be intimate more with the person I love. in the past there have been a few occasions that I want to have sex and we either don't because he has watched porn and already masturbated that day.... or we have sex and he can't get off because he has done the same.... watched porn and masturbated that day. and I feel bad that I can't get the man I love off. I did confront that issue and it has been taken care of (at least I trust that it is true) but, we don't have sex still but maybe once a week and he does get off.

All of this weighs hard on me.... and recently I have really been frustrated to the point where I accused him of cheating on me... and here we are with our relationship on the rocks because of him saying I am too insecure and the accusation. This week has been emotional hell for me. He says the spark is gone... that he definitely doesn't feel like having sex with me... and doesn't know when or if that romance will come back.

But, we do still kiss... we do still cuddle in bed.... and we are working on the relationship to see where it goes. I know every relationship has its problems and maybe it is because we have lived together so soon that we are annoying eachother. he says he still loves me and I believe him. and I don't feel like i have to accuse him of anything again.

other than the sexual conflict everything else is perfect...... we woke up this morning in eachothers arms...

I just need some advice on how to take the relationship from here and salvage it...

and thoughts on why all the conflict and reluctance and problems regarding intimacy.

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Omg I would fall off my tree if my boyfriend made that oral sex comment!

Hmm, yeah it can be hard when you lose the passion. Have you considered that maybe you are not matched? My bf and I have been together 8 months, living together 3 months and our passion is fine. Are you both at home for long periods at the same time?

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first off that is really not cool of him to make those kinds of statements towards you. That shows that he is loosing respect for you. Also, i understand its normal for people to watch porn but to me and my girl, we figure why not watch it together and get off on it together. My girl and i had moved in together too soon so she moved out for a while and we realized that we actually got along better while living with me so she moved back in. As far as the spark, it doesnt just go away. People let it go away. It obviously doesnt seem like you are letting it go so it seems like he is getting comfortable and its him the one that is not putting in the extra effort now. As for your personal insecurities, this is something you need to try to overcome and deal with. The more you accuse him the sicker he will get dealing with it. Some people are even vindictive enough that they figure that if thier being accused of cheating, they may as well be cheating. Try to remember why your with him in the first place and ask him to too. Remember when you guys were having those sparks fly and the little things that made it happen. Try re lighting the flame but it does take cooperation of both.You need to sit him down and ask him how dedicated to the relationship he is and if he is willing,than tell him what you want BOTH of you to work on. If he is hesitant about working on things, you may want to take some breathing time to really figure out if its worth investing anymore time into.

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