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How do I get passed the anger


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Hi ENAers,

First of all Thanks to everyone who has replied in the past and for helping me out.

 

So, the last year or two have been difficult for me. My ex and I are from different country and were very much in love. I got an admit in a Graduate program in the US so I took a big loan (60K) and came to the US. She was coming to the US to work through her company and she did (just a couple of months after me coming to US). We were in different cities and my school was very busy.

 

When I left my home country, I had thought, I would graduate, get a nice job, marry her (I truly loved her and wanted to share my whole life with her) after I finish school. I thought we would be able to manager financially with 2 incomes (thats why I took the loan actually) and it was more of a confidence in our relationship that I took such bold steps.

 

Then, halfway through my graduate school, she dumped me over phone. I was heartbroken (it came out of the blues one night), only to find a month later (she kept avoiding my calls in that month and basically didn't want anything to do with me) that she probably dumped me for someone else (because she was with the new guy within 24 hours of that phone call)...

 

Since that time (this was more than a year ago), I have ONLY somehow survived.. I baredly made it through graduate school (I was a stellar student in my first year only to see exact opposite in my second year). I got a job (I THANK GOD EVERYDAY FOR THAT... really....) ... She never spoke with me ... and of courses she was going on vacation and trips within a few days of dumping me ike that ... so I was devastated and hurt (naturally)...

 

But now, I find myself in a rut - financial and emotional....

1) Since I am from a different country, I cant quit my job (because the pay in my country would be much lower)

2) When I decided to come to US and take the loan, she knew my financial situation (and although she wasnt good at this budgeting stuff, I thought I had a plan for both of us) and now I find myself stuck wiht a huge loan. It will take me many year to repay.

3) She treated me in such a bad way (not even as a friend) after dumping me that she avoided all contact and just vanished in thin air with the new guy (I have no whereabouts of her as of now)

4) And she dumped me right during the school year which means my performance went down (she didn't think of that?)

 

 

So, it took me a long time to get over my ex... I am doing better now (thanks to all of you)... but these days I can't stop thinking about how my ex treated me and how it has affected my financial plans... It feels like she didn't care a DAMN about me... How could she have done that? Now I can't go back to my home coutry, I am alone here and stuck with debt.

 

Everything I think about my debt, I think about my ex and how I am stuck (kinda because of her) - Is that wrong to think?

 

I am thankful to God for getting me a job... really...

 

But I still wonder... Any comments or thoughts are most welcome.

 

Sorry for the long one...

 

 

P.S. I have gone NC since a year after desperate attempts (I know I know) to initially beg her to come back, then to show her the anger (all over phone calls because we were in diff cities and she didnt even meet me) when I found about her new BOY....

and she has never contacted me ever... didnt even ask if I graduate or got a job (the economy in in the US has been in news for a loooooooong time now)

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Wow, what she did is really horrible and yes, you do have a large debt now. The good news is you are young, have a graduate degree and I am presuming you make pretty good money. Yes, it will take years to pay off but you will do it and you have your whole life ahead of you.

 

As to how to get past your anger, well, she sounds like she is a person of very little character. She did you a favor by showing you who she was BEFORE the marriage, children and years of your life gone by. Maybe thinking of this will help.

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Probably not what you wanna hear, but what can you do about it? Your choice is to either move one or let your ex mess up the rest of your life. I believe you deserve someone better, and I am 100% that you can be happier with someone ells. I know it is a though one, I think of my ex alot, but really, what can I do? Sure I feel like wanting her back some days, but even if I did that the whole torment would just repeat itselfe.

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Will the anger you have hurt her or change anything? No! It is only hurting you. Why let her keep hurting you? You need to let it go. Write a letter or note to yourself in which you tel yourself you are only human and make mistake and she was one! And forgive yourself for being angry and only hurting yourself.

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Thanks all.. I agree that there is pretty much nothing I can do....

 

yes - fortunately I have a decent paying job... and I have started to repay the loan and have been very moderate with my expenses (and have been saving as well)....

 

But my heart just cracks each time I think about how someone I loved so deeply left me in such a bad rut...

 

 

well... anyways.... I agree that good this happened before marriage...

 

 

I have been very active in my life (doing many things) but just don't seem to believe in love / relationships anymore...

 

 

hopefully, things will get better with time...

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No havn't been in a situation like that. I'm sorry you went through all of that. I'm trying to deal with anger right now myself. I'm so angry tonight. My ex left me and our daughter when she was only 6 month old, left me with the house, bills, rent to pay for and 4 month later after making me think he wanted to try again he just started seeing someone else. This has all happened and our daughter isn't even 1 yet! It makes me furious.

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MnSnR,

Sorry to hear that .... please be strong ... you need to takecare of your daugher and help her grow into a great strong woman...

 

I am sorry you went through this....

 

 

In my case, although there is child or family involved but I just feel stuck .... I know its something inside of me... but ... just hppns

 

plus there are practical constraints of not being able to change jobs / quit jobs or move bakc to home country

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