Met Last Week (from Online Dating) and it's going quite fast!

[ModernTalking]

I'm posting partially to get it out and somewhat for advice.

 

We had our first meet-up date last Thursday (we found each other online dating) and it went very well, so we arranged a day out on sunday, in which we spent 12 hours together, finished with us making out on her couch!

 

Anyway, it feels like it's going fast, but I like that and so far, we can happily talk for hours - we are both very talkative and have already had so much fun and laughs in 3 dates. - (we met last night as well, and i'm seeing her this thursday) so that will be 4 dates in 7 days.

 

In the past, it hasn't gone this quick for me, so I'm wondering about any potential problems of it going fast from the start??

 

Also, it would be good to hear other stories of the same sort of thing - clicking right from the start and skipping the whole 'cat and mouse' dance.

 

Thanks in advance.

[BriarRose]

In every couple I know, the relationship started out fast (by fast, I mean exclusivity within a few dates). I can't even relate to people who say it took weeks or months, because that has never been my experience.

[Timbone]

Sounds almost exactly like what I'm going through right now! Met her on an online dating site, and within that week we'd agreed to meet up. Had my first date with the now-most-likely-girlfriend on a Thursday in late January, then we met that following Sunday and hung out for 10 to 12 hours as well. Had an armload of dates so far in a relatively short time, all of them rather long ones.

 

We've both said that we're surprised that things are as natural feeling as they already are, how comfortable we are around each other, etc. Since late January I've spent the night at her place several times (not always for sex either, that came only recently as I didn't want her to feel rushed - though some will likely say we're already rushing as is!)

 

Still, as great as this is I'm trying to maintain some sense of reality. This could be a rebound as she's only recently divorced. I'm going out with another girl tonight (who fancies me a bit, as far as I can tell, from the first date good-night-kiss-that-suddenly-became-mini-make-out-session), so I am prepared for the worst. Maybe I'm just paranoid or looking for problems where there are none since things are going well, I dunno...

 

But I have had this happen a couple times before. Like Misskitty says, when they go this fast they've become relationships - both with my last long-term girlfriend and before her with the ex-wife. So let that tell you something right there! These kinds of fast relationships may burn out quickly, as you are so infatuated with the heat and light of your desire for each other that you are blinded to flaws and incompatibilites in your basic characters.

 

Just keep that in mind, and really weigh what you want and need in a relationship against this other person, despite how lovey and perfect things feel right now. Keep a critical eye open to a degree, and don't put both feet in just yet.

 

Hope that helped a little...

[peanutbutterandjelly]

wanna hear fast? my ex and I met on myspace like 4 years ago. I added a bunch of interesting looking people from school and was not looking for a date when i contacted him.. just looking for a few new friends to hang out with. Anyways, we talked on IM one night, I gave him my number and he called the next day and asked if I wanted to hang out that night. So I agreed, we hung out and he basically became my best friend the day I met him. He asked me to become his girl friend 3 days later, I agreed and I moved in with him within a month and a half. We didnt spend a SINGLE DAY apart for over a year after i met him that night. 365 dates in 365 days lol. We just couldnt stand not being together if we could be.

 

sadly after 3.5 years, it ended. ultimately because we both wanted different things out of life. but my point is.. dont worry about it going too fast if it feels right. Follow your heart.

[prettymommy]

Timbone- What happened to the girl from the fall? Last you posted on that, it seemed to be progressing nicely. Now there's a new girl.

 

Do tell. All us lurkers want to know (not to hijack the thread or anything!)

[ModernTalking]

Thanks for the replies. It's not the kind of thing I would try to alter (it going fast) but it helps to get it out, so that I don't get too giddy with excitement!

 

Still, as great as this is I'm trying to maintain some sense of reality. This could be a rebound as she's only recently divorced. I'm going out with another girl tonight (who fancies me a bit, as far as I can tell, from the first date good-night-kiss-that-suddenly-became-mini-make-out-session), so I am prepared for the worst. Maybe I'm just paranoid or looking for problems where there are none since things are going well, I dunno...

 

It's good that you are keeping a "sense of reality" Timbone, but I can't focus on too many girls at the same time - My busy schedule just doesen't allow it and I think it would weaken things with the current girl.

 

But I have had this happen a couple times before. Like Misskitty says, when they go this fast they've become relationships - both with my last long-term girlfriend and before her with the ex-wife. So let that tell you something right there! These kinds of fast relationships may burn out quickly, as you are so infatuated with the heat and light of your desire for each other that you are blinded to flaws and incompatibilites in your basic characters.

 

Yeah - absolutely! In many ways, that's what happened in my last relationship. We were so intimate and infactuated from the start (and attracted to each other) that we avoided polar opposite personality issues. That burned out after 7 months. At least with this girl, we have both the attraction and personalities that click.

 

but my point is.. dont worry about it going too fast if it feels right. Follow your heart.

 

Yes, thank you for that, and your story. There is no point in halting (or slowing down) something and being over cautious.

[Timbone]

PrettyM - I'll make a new post and update those scant few lurkers that are interested!

 

Modern - hope the advice helped a little bit, glad to see you agree on some counts! I know what you mean about being busy and spreading too thin though, I don't know how much longer I can see two girls right now...

[Batya33]

I think there's a big risk of crash and burn especially if you are also getting intimate fast. I think calling it a cat and mouse dance is inaccurate - when done in a healthy way, it means you get to know each other at a reasonable pace over time so that you don't put your real life on hold and so you can balance head/heart/lust better than if it's this intense.

 

Obviously it can work out - many couples do start out this way, and just as many end up crashing and burning when they have to return to real life 3 weeks down the road and because there is not really a foundation of knowing each other, there's greater risk for misunderstandings/hurt feelings and a greater risk of realizing that after the thrill of the chase is over you really don't have much in common (I think those initial long talks often are fueled by the infatuation and lust as much as actually having things in common).

 

To dismiss getting to know each other at a reasonable pace as a game is a big mistake in my opinion.