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Roommate Advice


jacoby03

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Hi all,

 

I recently began rooming with a buddy of mine from college. We're both in our mid-twenties now, with jobs and everything.

 

The issue: his gf spends nights frequently (not the issue), but there are mornings when he leaves for work early and would rather she could sleep in, not having to leave when he does. Well, I leave early as well. I told him my strong preference was neither of us have guests over unaccompanied, but he doesn't seem to understand why, especially because she would just leave when she got up anyway.

 

I tend to overreact, and so my immediate response was, "well, if she lived here, there'd be no problem. but she doesn't. maybe you two should move-in together", or something to that effect.

 

My goal was to set a precedent about guests, girlfriend or not, because if I rolled over on this, it could progress to something much more habitual.

 

Am I in the wrong regarding the "unsupervised" issue? Did I overreact in my statement? I really wanted this rooming situation to work, but I already have doubts about his intentions for our living space, and I think he feels I'm trying to wreck his relationship by being inflexible.

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If y'all had a previous agreement that guests are not allowed to be at the house unaccompanied, then you are completely within your rights to tell him that she has to leave when he does in the morning. However, if no such arrangement has been made, I think you're just going to have to get over it or move out. He pays rent, so it's his house too. Granted, he is responsible for his guests, so if anything were to happen while she was left there unaccompanied, he'd be responsible for it.

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Do you have a reason not to trust her? I've definitely been at my boyfriend's place unaccompanied before... we're hanging out at his place, he has one class... I just stay at his place for the hour he's out. His roommates don't seem to mind but I've never done anything to make them think they can't trust me. If there is any reason not to trust her, or he were coming home with strangers I understand. How long have they been dating? I think that matters too.

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i agree it's something you really need to discuss when you move in. if it's something you're willing to really put your foot down about sit him down and talk to him about it. what other doubts do you have about him as a roommate? better to talk now than to let it become something so big you lose a friend over

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