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Am I about to screw this up??


bravebird

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At least he was honest about it all. I think you should worry when he holds back from telling you. My ex had a girl friend that was married...I never had a problem with their talking/friendship until the day I found him lying about her calling him (saying it was a guy friend, etc.). That was when I figured he must have some underlying guilty feeling. (not necesarily cheating- but perhaps attraction). Don't over react, and he will continue to be upfront. If it's something you should be concerned about- it will come out. It always does.

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So you are upset about him finding and visiting a married h/s pal in Europe while you and he were broken up. He stayed with her (and husband presumably) for 3 days.

So everyone is OK with what happened but you ?

And all this happened while he and you were apart ?

 

IF he happened to visit a strip club during your estrangement, I hope that he has the good sense to keep it a secret.

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and already I am beginning to feel the old patterns starting in...

 

OP, my reply is excluding any possibility of not having read any background you may have written about on here regarding him truly (not your imagination or perception) having questionable behavior with women.

 

Outside of that, part of the old patterns that you sense coming up may indeed be your own.

 

She wasn't even an ex, but only a friend in high school.

 

You were overreacting a lot & also appear extremely insecure in going further with that energy & asking if she was pretty...

 

Insecurity is one we all struggle with at one time or another. Though we need to take the greatest care that it doesn't become chronic. At that point it often destroys relationships.

 

I am bent out of shape over this and can't get the image of him searching for this old "pal" so he can reconnect on his trip to Europe out of my head. I have imagined all sorts of things like how he probably had a crush on her at some point or something like that.

 

Instead of obsessing this in your mind, change your thoughts around it. Why not just tell yourself it was a simple friendly trip which at the same time provided him monetary help in a place to stay. Lots of people stay with old friends when traveling to far away places to save money. Also focus on that he knew she was married when he went to stay.

 

I also think it's absolutely fine that he never mentioned this friend to you... Why does that automatically translate into a negative for you? She couldn't have been on his mind much if he didn't think to bring her up. He probably thought of her because she lived where he was going & it could help him with a place to stay.

 

Shift what you are focusing on & it will make a huge difference. Currently you are focusing on the worst things you can... Things that only fuel mistaken assumptions & insecurities on your part.

 

You only just got back together... Do what you can to make it last this time instead of possibly ending for good.

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