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Some advice needed please


CSpro

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hello all,

 

Well, about a year ago, I met a girl at work who I instantly fell for after a few weeks. The thing was, she had a boyfriend so I really never bothered to make us more than friends. Fast forward a year later, we are dating. She broke up with her ex after she found out he cheated on her. Of course I was there to help her and get her back on her feet. Well, after a few months of dating, I want to make our relationship more special by having sex with her. We've talked about it, but she says she doesn't wanna rush because she believed sex ruined her last relationship because she only waited a month to have sex. I know for a fact she loves me to death and really cares about me, but I get the feeling she's not as comfortable around me. I mean, yeah we make out, but that's it. She doesn't even change in the same room as me..and is very private about things like if I touched her underwear when doing the laundry or etc..that's just telling me right there that if she's not even letting me see her somewhat naked, how would we even have sex? I know sex isn't everything in a relationship, but it gets frustrating

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Hi CSpro,

 

I think your girlfriend was just very, very hurt by her last relationship. This residual hurt can cause a lot of problems in subsequent relationships. I don't think this means that she doesn't want to have sex with you, but she could be a afraid, or just working through some tough issues.

 

Hope that helps,

 

-TOF

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I think Twistoffate is mots definitely right about this. After a tough relationship, people often have issues connecting or feeling close with a new significant other. Its only been a few months, so give it some time, I think after a while she'll start to loosen up when it comes to the things you mentioned and eventually she'll loosen up to the idea of sex with you.

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It could be that since you haven't had sex yet and (I assume) haven't seen each other naked much, she isn't comfortable yet showing her body off to you. Maybe she also doensn't want to "provoke" you/arouse you is trying not to cross boundries.

 

Like the above poster said, maybe she was just so hurt she wants to take things slow.

 

I am someone who's shy about letting guys see my naked/half naked body if we haven't had sex yet. I used to be that way since I didn't want to cross boundries even if we where dating or had made out.

 

Does she talk of her ex much?

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She broke up with her ex after she found out he cheated on her. Of course I was there to help her and get her back on her feet. Well, after a few months of dating, I want to make our relationship more special by having sex with her. We've talked about it, but she says she doesn't wanna rush because she believed sex ruined her last relationship because she only waited a month to have sex.

 

I will tell you why. And all you "nice guys" need to read and digest this.

 

She does not want to have sex with you because your actions in supporting her during the breakup (noble as they were) defined you as her male "girlfriend" .

She does not want to have sex with you because she is not "feelings it" for you. IT IS THAT SIMPLE. IT has nothing to do with be her being scared, and your being patient is not going to work either.

 

Sure, she has affection for you, but she has no 'gut level' attraction for you. You are her comfortable "sure thing" guy because she knew that you were attracted to her from day #1, and therefore to her you are NO challenge. You were hooked and she knew it.

 

In fact, now you are "rebound guy" too, and to her, your role is to reinflate her ego and validate her after her breakup.

 

You are in the FriendZone and that is a bad, bad place.

 

OH, and BTW, talking about having sex is an awful idea. Neever talk to a woman about having sex with her - just act. Sex and sexual desire cannot be negotiated like that , it is a spontaneous chemical reaction.

 

PM me and I will give you a few suggestions.

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