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Valentine's Day - Bad to expect something?


geekgirl4

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My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 8 months. Valentine's day is in the air, I've been hearing other friends who are in relationships planning what to do and getting excited, which in turn is getting me excited. When I told my boyfriend I had a Valentine's Day surprise for him, he sounded surprised, but not in the way I expected. He wasn't aware that we were doing gift giving and said he would cook me dinner (while I get a nice bottle of champagne). Is it bad of me to have expected something? Chocolate? Flowers? Teddy bear? He made it sound like all I should be expecting is dinner. If it was a money problem, I would understand, but he just bought himself a pair of nice sneakers last week. He was telling me about how he wanted to buy some laptop speakers soon too. Are my expectations too high because it's my first Valentine's Day with someone?

 

I know you should give gifts without expecting anything back, but I thought Valentine's Day was a day couples spoil each other (guy giving gift AND girl giving gift)....

 

:sad:

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I think it's more about showing your love than what you buy. Do chocolates and a teddy bear really show love? No, it shows that you have been brain washed by Hallmark and marketing campaigns.

 

If making dinner isn't something your BF usually does then I would say he is doing V-day right. =)

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I'd probably be hurt if he wasn't planning SOMETHING... it's not about the $$$, it's more the gesture... was he planning on cooking before you brought it up or is this just his way of going oh crap, and scrambling to do something?

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He's prepared to do something nice, so I'd lower your expectations and go with that, then if he does do something more you're pleasantly surprised but if not then no harm.

 

I know where you're coming from. My boyfriend doesn't like V-Day. I'm not crazy about it so I don't mind not doing cards and so on, but secretly I'll be wondering if he might get me a bunch of roses or something. Tis the season and all that

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Of course you should expect something!

 

I don't get why women have such little expectations from men these days?????

 

He certainly expects you to twang his wang on a regular basis doesn't he?

 

Tell him what you want. If you want a card and candy or flowers or whatever tell him.

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Well, I don't think it's bad to expect something. After all, it is Valentine's Day and even printed on most calendars, so most people would find it reasonable to expect something from tradition. Not to say you should necessarily get upset if you don't get anything, though. Some people have different views on it and none is really right or wrong. Personally, though, I'd feel a little upset if my boyfriend had no real reasons not to celebrate but chose not to acknowledge it at all. I don't care about the money either, but a funny little card or trinket would be sweet.

 

I actually saw something in my boyfriend's room when I was there and don't know if it was for me or what but it was obviously something for a woman. I won't say what it was but it was really awesome because it expresses our relationship in a nutshell! It's just a little kiddie thing but if he gives that to me, I will be so happy because it is unique to us. Now if it turns out he doesn't give it to me, that means he must have given it to someone else and I will be really suspicious.

 

I don't think it's shallow either because we all have expectations and people who always say "well you shouldn't expect anything" must have dull lives. I like to do nice things for people and I expect that they do too. I don't need something every time I give someone something, but it should work out to where you have people trying to make an effort to be expressive and not just writing it off by "It's just a holiday," etc. That's lame.

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When it comes to birthdays, anniversaries, holidays people have different expectations. You need to discuss this with your SO (especially if you're in your first year together) and find out what their expectations are, and let them know how you'd prefer to celebrate. Don't just assume, because there's a good chance someone's going to guess wrong.

 

F'rinstance....if my husband showed up on Valentines day with flowers or jewelry, I would not be happy and wonder if he'd taken leave of his senses. Not my thing....at all. Never has been. I don't wear jewelry, and having worked near the advertisng industry most of my adult life, I really, really, really detest what I perceive to be "manufactured holidays." Crap, at this point, I don't even do much celebrating at Christmas. And don't get me started on the list of what I don't want you to do for my birthday.

 

I much prefer the out-of-nowhere nice surprise on a random Tuesday. Shows a little more thought/effort, IMO. Anyone who's not living with their head stuck in the sand gets the "Buy stuff for Valentines Day/Sweetest Day/Christmas/Anniversary/etc." message. To randomly & spontaneously do something nice....that requires some actual thought.

 

Actually, my husband and I were discussing this recently...and he said, why don't you ask the people on that board you're on? Would they rather their SO got them gifts on all the "right" holidays or would they rather their SO randomly surprised them throughout the year?

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Would they rather their SO got them gifts on all the "right" holidays or would they rather their SO randomly surprised them throughout the year?

 

A bit of both would be nice I'd like birthdays and christmas to be observed, and maybe roses on valentines day (because I'm a romantic and he knows that) but it's all nice to sometimes pop up with a surprise gift for no reason other than 'why not?'

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He has cooked dinner for me before and offered on several occasions to cook dinner for me when I've been sick or tired, so it's not that out of place that he cooks for me. I know people have different expectations on how extravagant or simple Vday should be. But my SO has a super busy schedule this school quarter so I only see him once a week. I wouldn't mind small gestures for Vday if we see each other pretty often, however, because we don't see much of each other these past 2 months, well.... I guess I was hoping it would be somewhat special.

 

I would love a bouquet of flowers and a simple card, or something small and cute. Just something that distinguishes this day from the others, isn't that what Valentine's day is about (or am I wrong)? People have busy schedules and busy lives but I thought this was the one day of the year you put all your love into. From my SO's tone of voice, all he had planned was dinner, and frankly, it just sounds like another night together.

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I'd probably be hurt if he wasn't planning SOMETHING... it's not about the $$$, it's more the gesture... was he planning on cooking before you brought it up or is this just his way of going oh crap, and scrambling to do something?

 

I agree with this.

I guess the first V'day it'd be nice to receive a gift though. Call me cheesy.

But after that first Vday - specially if I know my guy isn't well off with money - I wouldn't mind him cooking me dinner for Valentines day, specially if it's something he never does.

A nice romantic dinner can be nice. The way to my heart is thru my stomach lol.

I'd still get him dessert and a card though.

 

 

Speaking of cards, that's the one thing I DO want on Vday. Dinner and a sweet card would be nicer to me then a teddy. But that's just me.

 

Oh, and I also feel that V'day should be all about doing something out of the ordinary if you have a SO.. However, there are lots of people who think opposite and feel it should be like any other day.

Maybe you should talk about it to him (not about gift expectations) and try and figure out where he stands on things like Vday?

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I don't think it's wrong of you to expect a lil' something from your bf though, especially since it's your first Valentine's spent together. However, if it's not something you expect, just keep in mind that it is still sweet of him to cook you dinner.

 

I used to put a lot of emphasis on holidays and anniversaries and such, but now I feel as though each day is special as long as we're together.

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