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How long does someone have to be single before it is no longer a rebound?


peavy

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I am in my mid-thirties. I have had several relationships before, and most people I meet in my age range will have the same.

 

Recently I broke up with a guy because he was not over his ex. He had broken up with her about 6 months before we began dating, but I later found out he had continued to sleep with her right up until he met me. When I asked him about this, he said that it was just sex, and he had emotionally moved on. However, his behavior made it clear he had not.

 

I have been on two dates with a great guy over the last week. So far, I really, really like him and though it is too soon to say, I feel a lot of potential there. However, he broke up with his ex about 6 months ago. Due to my last relationship, I am a little hesitant to get involved. That said, I just broke up with my ex of 1.5 years about a month ago, and I do not feel any attachment to him, and feel ready to move on and meet the right person. My longest and best relationship to date started after both of us had been single for only 3 weeks.

 

What is the appropriate amount of time for someone to be single before they can begin dating in a healthy way? In a way, isn't every relationship after high school a "rebound" in some sense?

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I think it's more about mentality than mindset.

 

Needing to be in a relationship, using someone to heal, using someone as a ploy to get your ex back/at least make their life more miserable, being unable to be alone is rebounding.

 

Seeing someone new that you met not too long after a previous relationship ending is just coincidence, no secret mission behind it.

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precisely 42 days.

 

no seriously, i don't know. i guess when they are ready to move on and have accepted the end of the previous relationship and are looking forward to moving on with their lives. when they are dating someone new to get to know them, genuinely, and not using it to make their ex jealous or to distract themselves from the ex.

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I don't think you are going to find a specific amount of time that tells you it is no longer re-bound. It really has more to do with a person's attachment to their ex and their emotional stability. Everyone is different, every relationship is different. So many factors can affect this.

 

For example your ex was harboring feelings for his ex 6 months after their relationship ended and you say you have no feelings of attachment a month after breaking up with your ex.

 

We are all different in this respect.

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For me, it took a year to meet someone I really wanted to be with. I did some light dating about 6 months after the break-up but wasn't ready. I was still very fixated on my ex and the pain. 8 months after the break-up I was heavily into the anger state. At about 9 or 10 months, I found out my ex was with another woman and I temporarily had a relapse. After almost year apart, I developed feelings for someone I met at church and now we are in a relationship. I still think of my ex from time to time and still love him, but he doesn't consume my day nor do I spend a lot of energy feeling upset about him. Maybe because I'm focused on my new guy, but also just because I haven't talked to him for so long that time worked its magic.

 

It takes time, dealing with your feelings (here or with a friend, counselor, etc., a lot of writing, self-care (exercise, water, diet) and new experiences to push you forward and improve your life. Changing yourself helps you move on. Don't just change the outside though. Change your inside. For me, that started with God. From there, I went to church, got involved in ministry activities, took classes, etc. It all helped create a new life and I still have a ways to go.

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I think I read on here somewhere that people need a 1 month of healing for every year they were together in a relationship. I think this is total BS.

 

I have heard it takes half the time someone was in a relationship to truly get over it....I think that is BS too.

 

In my experience, it once took me two years to get over a horrible breakup, but I have also had breakups where I felt fine the next week.

 

I am worrying that I am moving on too quickly, since my breakup was so recent...but I really feel ready. I was pretty done in the relationship before it ended. Also, I don't want to hurt my ex, but I don't really want to see him either. I hope that he finds happiness and is doing well and that maybe, in about a year or so, we can be on somewhat friendly terms.

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Charlotte says it takes 1/2 the time you dated someone to get over them.

 

if you dated for 1 year .. it takes 6 months .. if you dated 2 years ..it takes 1 year..

 

lol ...thats straight from the very reliable source of Sex in the city.. (lol i'm just kidding)

 

i think it depends on the person and how willing they are to let go of the relationship ... i also think it depends on the relationship... my last relationship was tumultuous... i don't miss him...but i was and am very affected by the relationship itself. .. so its going to take me a little more time to be over the affects.

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I always used to think that anything that happens soon after a breakup is a rebound, but then I see cases in which a person will get out of a relationship and soon get into another that I would not consider to be a "rebound" based on what actually happened in the long run. To me a rebound means something short-lived that you get into in an attempt to get over the last person, but I have seen cases in which this is not the case and someone will get into a new relationship shortly after a breakup because they simply enjoy being with the new person and that person just happened to enter their life at that time.

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