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amount of past sexual partners matter?


ItRainsItPours

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I recently started dating this girl and she's great. sweet, genuine, all around good person and she makes me happy. I can already see how much she cares about me, shes great.

 

but recently she asked me how many girls I've slept with and I answered back honestly. I playfully asked back and was surprised by her answer. I appreciate her honesty but it was more than I would I have guessed. shes such a sweetheart and Im not about to miss out on such a good person but Id be lying if I said this information didn't make me feel uncomfortable.

 

I don't think it's so much the number as it is the window in which they happened. I know she dated the same guy for years since she was a teenager and she lost her virginity to him. they've been broken up for maybe 6 months and thats when all the others happened. I know she was extremely depressed during this time which probably played a factor and I know she regrets it.

 

does this matter or do I need to get over myself? Id much prefer the latter....

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she's great. sweet, genuine, all around good person and she makes me happy. I can already see how much she cares about me, shes great.

.

 

Remember this. This is why you are with her. Her past is her past and it shouldn't matter. People grow up, people learn, people make mistakes.

 

I had a similar experience to your girlfriend. Dated a few guys in a short space of time. There is no explanation as to why. But i was depressed (diagnosed) and became incredibly sick just from the regret of it. If i think about it, i can still feel that pain of regret and why. I was naieve and looking back seemed so gullible

 

If she regrets it and has had depression from it, she's learned from it and maybe isn't proud of it but she cant go back and change it.

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Every person is different, so if it bothers you, you're valid in those feelings.

 

Also, though, you need to take a good look at this girl while it is still early enough in the relationship to leave with your heart intact. Promiscuity, especially in such a short amount of time, is a huge red flag for underlying issues. These issues will certainly rise to the surface later on in the relationship.

 

I'd say that it's important, especially in this situation, to evaluate a couple of questions. How is her relationship with her father? What are her views on men? Does she respect them, think they are pigs, etc? Does she tend to like the idea of things more that the reality that comes along with it?

 

Just be careful here.

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It matters to me. Not when someone has had like 5-10 more partners than me, but I dated a guy who, when I met his friends, was described as a horn dog. Every story he had was either about getting drunk or some random chick he hooked up with.

 

Ugh. Turned me off pretty quick.

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she hasn't had more partners than me except mine were spaced out over the course of several years and relationships. like I said it wasn't the number it was the window of time in which they happened. I think she was planning to marry her last boyfriend before he fell for one of his ex's, I'm pretty sure she was trying to tend to a broken heart.

 

she got upset when she told me, she kept asking me if it'd make me trust her any less. I don't think it does, it just makes me uncomfortable. especially because I wouldn't have guessed that by her personality, shes very shy and bashful and modest.

 

I feel myself falling for this girl, I've been looking for her for a very long time. I don't want to get screwed over but I don't think she would do that. I think she was just looking for love in the wrong places because ever since I've known her she's been very relationship oriented.

 

god it's so early and I think I love her. to be honest I just feel really vulerable, and I'm not the kind of guy to feel like that.

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I respectfully disagree. people aren't perfect, but she's damn close. one part of her past makes me uncomfortable but it doesnt discredit how much I appreciate her.

 

Excellent then dont let her get away.... if shes an awesome girl then it is irrelevant because she could be the one. We all have a past that should be left in the past. You have a great girl ..good luck

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Not sure on the number but it wouldn't hurt if she had a string of sexual encounters recently to go get checked for diseases.

 

Good luck approaching that topic without making her mad or sad, but better safe than AIDS, IMO. I suggest getting checked yourself just so she doesn't feel singled out so much. Make a day of it, and then when you both (assumedly) come back clean you can celebrate together.

 

Beyond that, don't worry about it. She sounds like a quality woman who was hurt for a while and merely sought out comfort in the only way she knew how at the time.

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