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meister

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I have had no success with women for a long time and I'm lost now.It seems women have no interest in average looking men. So many only want the best.

 

I've been looking at this forum off and on for a while. In particular I check out some of the threads on here along the lines of "why don't women like me?", "how do I become more attractive" etc. Basically the threads about why some people are struggling with women are most intriguing to me. I've been trying to examine their problems and see if I have the same. Ultimately it hasn't helped. Now I'm gonna vent about mine.

 

I'm not a virgin and I've had a GF unlike some gents complaining around here. So that tells me that I am not completely repulsive (as I see myself often). Some women have found me attractive before and believe me I try my best to hold onto that; however, it is bloody hard to hold onto that with the major lack of success I have had with women lately. I have come to the conclusion that I have just aged poorly, I really don't know what else has changed in the last 5 years. I think my peek was 18 and it has been downhill from there. I get no attention from women at all now. When I look at them in the eyes, they look away. I can have conversations with women and none of them ever show any interest. I'm not exactly Mr.Outgoing extrovert, I'm definitely an introvert but I'm more than capable of carrying a conversation and making people laugh. I'm also university educated so I'm fairly sharp. Maybe I overestimate my social skills I don't know. There are many times I will turn down a social engagement because my confidence is rock bottom at the moment.

 

And yes ofcourse I have a certain type which I am attracted to and they are out of my league, but I don't even get attention from women I would perceive has average or ugly. None have any interest in me at all, even ones I am totally unattracted to. I can not emphasize how alienated I feel.

 

 

I'm 6ft tall, 180lbs and I go to the gym 4-5 times a week. My body is no doubt in superb shape. I've tried really hard at this to improve my chances but to no avail. I've become VERY self-conscious about my appearance outside of my body because all of this lack of success has worn me down. I now automatically assume that women are repulsed by me...

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IMO you are definitely attractive and masculine looking.

One thing I would say from the pics is you look quite intense..I think it's your eyes coupled with the fact you aren't smiling..to me it makes you look a little angry so I wonder if you come accross like that at all?

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This is coming from a person who's confidence is also near rock bottom and has no attention from women, but I figured I'd give you my best shot at helping. Anyways, would you say you have desirable personality traits for women looking for serious relationships when you have a conversation with a woman. Also, does your lack of confidence become apparent. Seems to me you base a lot of what you think of yourself on what others perceive of you, which I know is a big no-no. When you say its been a while since you've been out of the game so to speak what do you mean?

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This is coming from a person who's confidence is also near rock bottom and has no attention from women, but I figured I'd give you my best shot at helping. Anyways, would you say you have desirable personality traits for women looking for serious relationships when you have a conversation with a woman. Also, does your lack of confidence become apparent. Seems to me you base a lot of what you think of yourself on what others perceive of you, which I know is a big no-no. When you say its been a while since you've been out of the game so to speak what do you mean?

Perhaps I do base a lot on how I perceive others seeing me. This has not always been a problem. I never did, except the last 2 years maybe where I'm like " * * * , there is a problem here, what is it?" I like to think I have good personality traits. And to your query, I mean that I have not dated since summer 04. edit 05

 

Just curious, what do you feel your biggest problem is with your lack of attention from women?

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IMO you are definitely attractive and masculine looking.

One thing I would say from the pics is you look quite intense..I think it's your eyes coupled with the fact you aren't smiling..to me it makes you look a little angry so I wonder if you come accross like that at all?

 

It's definitely possible I have a weird intense look that is a turn off. Although when I am with friends I laugh and smile and don't think i look like a gloomy gus.

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naw, i don't think you're bad looking. i'm not sure why it is that you guys struggle with women in general. i'm not great looking, but it's not my looks that attract men. i mean, it does, but generally, they tend to say oh it's because i respect you or i like this and that in you... but never it's "because you're so pretty". maybe that's your issue... you don't present yourself the way that let people see YOU and your inner strength and personality. i find that with some of my guy friends who are SOL with women... their strength is hard to see and they present themselves poorly. they come off as lacking confident and they are really nice but are a bit of a push over... and when they try to change that, they end up coming off as a-holes which is also not attractive... it's hard to find a balance.

 

and it's really cliche, but sometimes, you're such a good thing.. you're so much of a sure thing that women are scared. i know some of them scare me, because i'm not sure if i'm able to handle love just yet. its awful, you're being punished indirectly because of other people's fear. ironically enough, a lot of my friends say that about me too... that i'm too much of a package and guys are scared. i don't really agree but i understand why some men shy away from me. i'm not the kind of girl that you **** and leave without feeling like an idiot. and i think some guys are like that. some guys just aren't the type you have a fling with, get an ego boost from and leave... he's the kind of guy you bring home to mama. and like i said, it's a little scary.

 

and i have to say, "success" with women doesn't have much to do with depth or inner strength... sometimes, it's just knowing how to manipulate other people and being a jerk.. most people don't really CHOOSE to fall in love. it's a scary thing. most people fall in love, quite involuntarily. that's my theory anyway. but its 2am and im kind of rambling.

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I seem to think there's something wrong with me. I've come to the point where I'm also asking, what is wrong with me? And I too care far too much about how people (especially women) perceive me. My lack of confidence is becoming more and more apparent as I get no attention from women on a basis beyond friendship. I have no problem talking and becoming friends with women, but I find hardly any want anything more with me which is such a downer. I'm not the funniest guy, which I wish I was funnier, but I do have decent personality otherwise (I think, though I'm starting to question this too)

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I seem to think there's something wrong with me. I've come to the point where I'm also asking, what is wrong with me? And I too care far too much about how people (especially women) perceive me. My lack of confidence is becoming more and more apparent as I get no attention from women on a basis beyond friendship. I have no problem talking and becoming friends with women, but I find hardly any want anything more with me which is such a downer. I'm not the funniest guy, which I wish I was funnier, but I do have decent personality otherwise (I think, though I'm starting to question this too)

 

hmmm. Very similar situation to mine. Almost exact in fact. No matter what people say, as social beings a lot of our confidence is derived from interaction. If certain areas are hurting I think it's natural to second guess everything to pin point the problem, which I guess is what we are doing....

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Since you asked, this is what I honestly think (btw I am a woman)...

You DO NOT have a big nose. Jimmy Durante had a big nose, and actually, he was pretty cute in his own way and had a lot of charm and charisma.

You ARE cute/handsome/good looking.

I like your haircut, and yes, your body looks very well built and fit.

 

The "problem" you think you have is not with your looks, it is really a matter of what is going on inside of you. Don't fixate on your looks, speech, or anything else so superficial. It is counter-productive to be comparing yourself to others all the time. There is always someone taller, darker, and more handsome. So that can make you feel unworthy and "less than". Conversely, there is always someone shorter, blander, and not as handsome. And that can make you feel conceited, and "better than everyone else". I think neither is the best way to be. Be the BEST YOU, thats who you were born to be.

 

And think about this...how many women do you need? Seriously. Relax and realize that the only one that matters is the one that you click with. Ok so... where is she you might ask? Well I don't know for sure, but I'm betting that if you go about your life and spend this time "alone" developing your inner self as you would like to be, pursuing your interests and not worrying about being the "everyman". Then, when you finally meet her, YOU will be the guy that SHE wants to be with. Just treat women as people, if you have some common ground then talk about those things.

See how that works?

love and peace to you my brother

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I tend to think I overthink things too much I think and that my social problems and lack of confidence can only be fixed by actively going out and trying to fix them to boost my confidence (as well as trying to make myself the person who I want to be for me). Because sitting around thinking about it really isn't going to help. From my reflection, I'm starting to think my lack of actively trying to change it is a big problem in itself. But I think that starts off with first realizing I can't let other people control how I feel about myself and that no matter how much I don't think women like me there will eventually be someone who does. Sure, I'm not the most attractive but despite the amount of interaction a person could go through, the timing or situation or place or people might not just be right and you just need to focus on being happy and confident for yourself. Not so easy, but that's what I've come up with...

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I get how you feel man. Lately the only attention I seem to get are from women who give off all the signals that they are attracted some even “joking” about dating me and then I get rejected with no explanation for why they paid and even continue to pay attention to me as much as they do.

 

The rejection makes no sense considering they are the ones initiating stuff with me. So basically I end up feeling very stupid for opening my heart to someone who gave me every reason to think she was interested and then ends up essentially communicating that she is not.

 

Maybe my situation is a bit different but I’ve ended up in the same boat as you. I keep asking myself what’s wrong with me that no woman seems to actually want me. They all seem to just want to play around emotionally as if I’m some safe teddy bear they can play with.

 

I’ve also began withdrawing and my self esteem has taken a big nose dive. I would give just about anything for just one woman to tell me I’m attractive and mean it. It’s the validation I’m seeking. It’s hard to be validated when any woman you show genuine interest in runs as fast as she can away from you or the idea of dating you.

 

It’s hard to fake confidence after awhile. You need to know someone wants you in order to believe it’s possible for someone to want you.

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And think about this...how many women do you need? Seriously. Relax and realize that the only one that matters is the one that you click with. Ok so... where is she you might ask? Well I don't know for sure, but I'm betting that if you go about your life and spend this time "alone" developing your inner self as you would like to be, pursuing your interests and not worrying about being the "everyman". Then, when you finally meet her, YOU will be the guy that SHE wants to be with. Just treat women as people, if you have some common ground then talk about those things.

See how that works?

love and peace to you my brother

 

I second this!!!

 

Guys who claim they have similiar problems seem to try too hard to get attention from women. That could be a turn-off.

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There is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you look. I would say tho, that in your photo you come off both kind of intense ( your eyes- that can be really hot tho) and insecure ( in the second pic something about the way you are posing with the pipe looks a bit unsure or yourself).

 

You are definitely focusing too much on looks. There are some really ug-mug looking guys that attract women with no problem. Also you seem to be focused on the way your potential mate looks as well.

 

I dont care if your the biggest geek on the planet, if you are secure in yourself women will come. And you only need one ( as was already said). I think you should work on getting comfortable in your own skin and the rest will come.

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