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Feels like I'm moving backwards...


jengh

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I feel like everyone around me is moving forward and making positive steps in their relationships and that I'm stuck, starting to roll backwards. Not a good feeling. Not a good feeling at all. I know not to focus on other people and what's going on with them, but I can't help but feel envious.

 

It's officially been a month since I moved home from England. At first I missed him so much it hurt and I couldn't focus on anything. Now I feel like I'm starting to move backwards. I feel myself pulling away from him. I pick fights, I'm passive aggressive, I'm not me.

 

I don't know what to do or think or feel anymore. His mom was going to buy his ticket over here for late January, early February but has since backed out because she's still attached to him by the umbilical cord. I'm so resentful of her. I realize it's not her responsibility but a promise is still a promise. He uprooted in Liverpool and is now stuck living with mommy at the age of 27. I know he's depressed and miserable and I'm not helping but I'm drifting.

 

I've done this in past relationships, drifted, and the end result is always bad. I'm depressed, I can't find a job, I'm lonely. More than anything, I just want to break this cycle.

 

God knows how long we'll be apart now. I don't know if I can do it. I promised myself no more long distance.

 

He's the one for me. Were amazing together, but terrible apart. I don't know how to get through these next months.

 

We skype, email, IM, send packages and letters but it's not enough. I'm just drifting and moving backwards.

 

Sigh. My eyes are hurting now from staring at my little iPhone screen.

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I've noticed that the simple knowledge that you will be able to see your love in the future is calming. Right now you don't know how long you'll be apart, but you should talk to him and decide a time when you MUST see each other (make sure it is reasonable). This provides both of you with a sense of comfort, knowing your love is waiting for you and you'll be together eventually. When you find yourself drifting...think about your future together and how much better things will be when you can finally see each other again. This might help you get through your hardships in life. Even if everything in your world is going wrong, there's one constant as long as he will always be there for you.

 

I hope this helps

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Is there any possible way you and him could split the bill for him to come out here to visit?

 

Or, if he doesn't have anything to lose, just come out here (barring visa issues) and stay with you?

 

I admire you. I don't think I could deal with a LDR. When I dated my ex, we lived 2 hours apart and that was hell already, esp since he didn't drive at all.

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I read your previous posts and it sounds you have a great relationship with your boyfriend. Being in a relationship you experience good times and bad times as well. Try not to let other problems affect your relationship and focus on one problem at a time.

 

As renaissance suggested, is there any way you can split the flight fare for him to visit you? Once you know exactly on what date you can be together and no long apart, everything else may turn up too.

 

Stick together in difficulty times instead of drifting away.

 

Hang in there.

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I've done this in past relationships, drifted, and the end result is always bad. I'm depressed, I can't find a job, I'm lonely. More than anything, I just want to break this cycle.

 

God knows how long we'll be apart now. I don't know if I can do it. I promised myself no more long distance.

 

He's the one for me. Were amazing together, but terrible apart. I don't know how to get through these next months.

 

 

Let's do this then - let's break this pattern. It's hard to stay happy in a relationship when you are not happy.

 

I think you need to start off with a little inventory. Now that you are home, what resources do you have available to you? Can you spend time with family and friends; can your parents pay for some therapy; can you start volunteering?

 

Second, I think you need to frame this properly. This distance is your chance to be strong and take care of yourself. He's a good yet distant support.

 

Make a list of the things you need then make a list of the things you want. Start planning action steps to get there.

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