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Is it possible to hate someone you love?


cj91481

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Like a BF or GF? Seriously though not cause they have cheated or cause they did something amazingly wrong but because of how they make you feel?

 

I ask cause I love my bf but I truly hate him. I look at him sometimes and think omg i love this guy with all my heart and other times I look at him and just breathe hate. Is that normal?

 

Aren't we supposed to always love them since we are in love with them?

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I don't know why I hate him either. I mean maybe it's the way he treats me at times although not bad but he breaks his word all the time. He'll say lets go do such and such and I'll be pumped for it and when it comes time he'll say he doesn't want to go.

 

Or the fact that we have a virtually non existent sex life. I do resent him for that since he is the one who says no. Anyway I honestly don't know. Maybe it's not hate that I feel maybe it's just scared that we will end due to the issues we have.

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Well, that's a little different then hating. Could he be depressed/lazy? Because often those are more deeply rooted characteristics that need to be changed actively/through help. I don't blame you for fearing breaking up, but if you don't like the way he acts or what he does then you need to be more firm in changing those things about him and letting him know you have a problem that he doesn't follow through and that your sexual life is less than desirable. If he's not willing to budge or change, then maybe you're just fearing the inevitable, which is a major change in your life.

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I have spoken to him about those things. The breaking his word was his new years resolution and at times he starts to break it and then I say hey you promised yourself you wouldn't do it and then he's like ok your right.

 

Now the sex that has been an issue for a very long time and no matter how many times we talk and fight nothing changes. He always blames me for them.

 

My son left to spend a few days with his father yesterday and we had planned on an us night. After my son left we were at walmart (by the way the whole day was fine no fights nothing) and he went to the restroom. Since he is a very hard person to speak to (he shuts down a lot) I thought I would text him. So I asked him why he never wants to go anywhere and when we do he walks slowly several feet away from me or he walks fast and ahead of me. I asked if he doesn't want to be seen with me or something. He used to always hold my hand and kiss me in public but he doesn't do that so much anymore.

He didn't answer.

 

We came home and did some computer stuff and laid down for bed. Just before going to sleep (he didn't initiate and he knows he has to cause I'm tired of being turned down) I asked him so why did we not have sex tonight. He says you started a fight. I asked how and he said with the text you sent me. I said that wasn't a fight I was mainly asking a question cause that is how I feel.

 

Those are the types of excuses he always give. Oh cause you started a fight or cause i'm tired.

 

He has had a million and one reasons and they change each day..

 

First it was how I dressed (I didn't see it since I dress very nicely but decided to let him pick out some clothes)

Then it was I had blonde highlights and he likes dark hair so I went dark

Then it was I gained weight (I didn't)

Then it was we have no sexual chemistry (when he's into it the sex is amazing)

Then it was i'm not sexually attracted to you ( * * * ?)

Then it was I had a smell (again I think in his head)

Then it was cause he was scared Id get pregnant (going for birth control this week for the millionth time)

Then it was I put to much pressure and always ask (it's true only cause it's important to me)

 

 

I just think these are lame excuses. He watches porn or looks at pics of naked women all the time it bothers me cause I feel this curbs his need for sex and doesn't help the situation. He says it's better than out cheating. He's gone so far to tell me he was going to the junk yard to pick up some car parts and then come home 45 later (he never went to junk yard) and just looked satisfied. Turns out he left the house parked somewhere and watched porn on his phone and pleasured himself.

 

I don't know what to do and I'm devastated.

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To me it sounds like he's interested in another woman and/or probably cheating.

 

If not, he's depressed and/or has serious libido issues which may or may not be tied to his overall health and diet.

 

That or you've completely turned him off somehow (maybe you've treated him badly? I don't know) and he's doing his best to stick with you even though he's no longer attracted to you (which is pointless, IMO). This doesn't mean you're ugly to him either, it just means that perhaps the way you've treated him has killed his desire for you.

 

All possibilities, though I can't help you figure out for sure which it is since I don't actually know him (and I could be wrong about all three, though I highly doubt it).

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To me it sounds like he's interested in another woman and/or probably cheating.

 

If not, he's depressed and/or has serious libido issues which may or may not be tied to his overall health and diet.

 

That or you've completely turned him off somehow (maybe you've treated him badly? I don't know) and he's doing his best to stick with you even though he's no longer attracted to you (which is pointless, IMO). This doesn't mean you're ugly to him either, it just means that perhaps the way you've treated him has killed his desire for you.

 

All possibilities, though I can't help you figure out for sure which it is since I don't actually know him (and I could be wrong about all three, though I highly doubt it).

 

Well I thought about the cheating part and everything else you have said.

I always have in my mind he is or has cheated. (We have had this issue from the beginning).

 

Also in the beginning we both lied to each other about A LOT. I lied and told him I was pregnant not cause I was but because I was hoping he was the a*****e I wanted him to be and leave. He didn't he stuck around.

 

He doesn't want children so I truly suspect that is the reason though I can't be 100%. It's odd I always think he's cheating but his days go like this. He wakes up and goes to work. He comes home after work and weekends are always with me. We live together and pretty much do everything together. We get along great and for the most part he is extremely affectionate. I mean we both have our moments of non affection but all around we truly are very affectionate people.

 

A libido issue nope not at all. He works just fine (sometimes to fine lol) and there are times when he is very horny I guess and he will kiss and rub and turn me on and then stop and walk away. I don't get it.

 

He does suffer from anxiety/depression but believe it or not sex and or porn is what he turns to but NOT WITH ME. It's only porn. He admits to having an addiction to porn but mainly it's as I stated what he says is it's better porn than cheating.

 

Ahh I'm so scared and annoyed

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If what you say is true, then I don't think he's cheating either. If he's not disappearing for too long at a time, the only option would be someone nearby which is VERY dangerous and extremely unlikely. Further, the porn thing probably wears him out pretty well if it's as bad as you say.

 

I have a gut feeling that says he's afraid you're going to lie to him again, only this time you're going to say you're taking the birth control but you're really not, and you'll get pregnant for real.

 

That would be why he rubs all up on you but then stops. He really wants you but he'd rather just take care of what he needs through porn than deal with the responsibility of a child. I'm sure a lot of this also ties into his depression. Who'd want to raise a child when they're suffering from something like that?

 

(One interesting theory I have is that he left the house that day to go look at porn on his phone because if he stayed in the house with you he might not have been able to stand not having sex with you.)

 

It's not really an addiction to porn if what I say is accurate, it's just that he's afraid of winding up with a new life to care for, which he obviously isn't prepared to deal with.

 

 

Looking at porn and using that for sexual satisfaction in the way your boyfriend does is almost the same as cheating, IMO. Watching porn, the entire idea is you're being sexually aroused by another woman, and you're imagining yourself with her. To me, while nothing between the two actually occurs, that doesn't make it less painful because the general idea is the same: He's not with you when he's doing it.

 

I'm not sure if what I say is accurate, but I wish you luck here. I would feel completely put out if I was with a woman who decided she didn't want to have sex with me anymore because she was turned on by images of other men.

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wow..there are so many issues here, so much resentment. You are deep into it and you can't see how bad this is. I see you are a new member and I don't know how much you have discussed your issue. I highly recommend you do some searches on the internet about relationships, signs of a bad relationship, feelings of resentment, lack of trust, loss of respect.

 

I really wish I had something more positive to say, I know you must be in pain.

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