Jump to content

Update and request for advice


tujna

Recommended Posts

I haven't posted my own thread for a while but I truly need advice right now as my emotions are running high and I am so set back again.

 

Background info: 7 years together, separated for 5 months, NC for about 3 months.

 

Our last contact was in October and he was very mean to me, told me that he does not want to talk to me, that he will not give me my money (which he argued he doesn't owe me), did not respond to request to return one of my items. By this time, I felt that I have to completely quit. It was so so hard. I cannot describe it. I knew he went to a different country to be with a girl for 10 days and this was killing me.

 

2 weeks ago, after I thought I will never hear from him and trying to get used to this thought, he calls. We talked several times since then, decided to keep our insurance together and he is all sweet and nice, the way he has never been in years. We make the same jokes and everything feels like before.

 

Last Monday he calls me to offer me a lot of money to help me with something, which I never asked him for, barely had mentioned to him. He did the research for it, etc. Now, my hopes started running high but I realize he never calls me over the weekend but only during weekdays (he is in another state for work during the week). I decided to call him today (sunday) to thank him. He did not respond. I waited 3 hours and called again (I did it just to confirm what I was thinking was true). He did not respond. I am almost certain he is with someone else and they spend the weekends together (I think it is another girl, different from the first one).

 

I just don't know why he contacted me again, offering this huge amount of money, after cutting me from his life completely and so abruptly. I feel devastated now, I feel so down again. I think he is with someone else but why, why is he calling and offering me this? Why now? Any advice is appreciated, I feel so so horrible. I had reached somewhere and now I am back to square one!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

whatever you do, dont take the money. he is probably feeling guilty and offering it as a way to relieve his guilt. My ex offered to buy me a new computer and give me $1000 for medical bills after I accidently walked in on him and his new girl in bed together... I didnt take it.

 

my friends ex did what your ex did.... a few months after the break up offered to give her money to fix her car... she accepted and now whenever he talks to her thats all he brings up and makes her feel bad about it.

 

he's just trying to relieve his guilt. stay with NC.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tujna im going through the exact same thing you are. Its hard to say what he is up to, keep in mind that today is the Super Bowl, he may be out watching that with some friends but who knows. Its only natural to automatically think that he may be with someone else but try not to read to far into it or it wall gnaw at your mind for awhile.

 

My ex has been doing something similar, claims she is looking for a new place over the weekend, not really contacting me at all and is straight up ignoring me now after she came back in to my life a few months ago. Gave me all these signs and now she is doing what she did before she dumped me. I'd be very careful Tujna, even try to go NC if you can.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

whatever you do, dont take the money. he is probably feeling guilty and offering it as a way to relieve his guilt. My ex offered to buy me a new computer and give me $1000 for medical bills after I accidently walked in on him and his new girl in bed together... I didnt take it.

 

my friends ex did what your ex did.... a few months after the break up offered to give her money to fix her car... she accepted and now whenever he talks to her thats all he brings up and makes her feel bad about it.

 

he's just trying to relieve his guilt. stay with NC.

 

Hi milkandhoney,

 

I have followed your story and I truly share how you feel

 

The thing is, couple of months ago, when I didn't have money at all, he didn't want anything to do with me, now he is so nice and offering me things. It doesn't make sense... So you think it is just guilt? But why now? Could it be that the thing with his new gf is not going so well?

 

Oh, I hate that, he should have never called. Plus, before, he wanted to get out of my insurance, not to have anything to do with me, now he wants to keep it. I know I shouldn't have hopes, this is what is killing me right now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tujna im going through the exact same thing you are. Its hard to say what he is up to, keep in mind that today is the Super Bowl, he may be out watching that with some friends but who knows. Its only natural to automatically think that he may be with someone else but try not to read to far into it or it wall gnaw at your mind for awhile.

 

My ex has been doing something similar, claims she is looking for a new place over the weekend, not really contacting me at all and is straight up ignoring me now after she came back in to my life a few months ago. Gave me all these signs and now she is doing what she did before she dumped me. I'd be very careful Tujna, even try to go NC if you can.

 

Casmut, I have followed your story too. I know how your ex behaved to you recently...

 

Ah, have I not have enough?! I just want it over once and for all. He left and he closed all doors behind him, so that I thought I will never hear from him ever again... Now, all that! I just don't have power to fight with this pain anymore...

 

I know it is easy to think this is the case but I am pretty sure this is why he left 5 months ago. He would have never had courage to leave like that if he didn't have someone else. Now what? He is trying to see if I am still here in case his new thing doesn't work?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'd say decline the offer of money like everyone is saying.

 

As for being with a girl, it's only speculation. It's superbowl weekend remember! Even I am watching it and I'm not even a football fan!

 

I guess NC and seeing how it develops is the best option.

 

Sorry you're feeling so bad and that after all the work you've been doing you feel emotionally back at square one

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'd say decline the offer of money like everyone is saying.

 

As for being with a girl, it's only speculation. It's superbowl weekend remember! Even I am watching it and I'm not even a football fan!

 

I guess NC and seeing how it develops is the best option.

 

Sorry you're feeling so bad and that after all the work you'vr been doing you feel emotionally back at square one

 

Yes, it is so hard to start over... I need to calm down somehow. Thank you, friends. I just want this nightmare to be over.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Doesn't matter why he's offering you the money. Take it. Doesn't he owe you money? Only time will tell. Sounds like he's with someone else over the weekends. Be friendly but keep your distance. Try to guard your heart. But definitely, I would say take the money.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Doesn't matter why he's offering you the money. Take it. Doesn't he owe you money? Only time will tell. Sounds like he's with someone else over the weekends. Be friendly but keep your distance. Try to guard your heart. But definitely, I would say take the money.

 

 

Thank you for the advice, Minou. I think I am going to take it because he does owe me and then disappear the way I did before. He has to make his own choices and you are right, time will tell... About guarding your heart, it is so hard, maybe impossible to do, unfortunately.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for the advice, Minou. I think I am going to take it because he does owe me and then disappear the way I did before. He has to make his own choices and you are right, time will tell... About guarding your heart, it is so hard, maybe impossible to do, unfortunately.

 

yeah take the bloody money...he owes ya, so if he pulls any obligation stunts jus remind him of that lil fact...if youre not strapped for it go treat yourself on something that makes you feel good

 

have a blast with it and f*** him....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi milkandhoney,

 

I have followed your story and I truly share how you feel

 

The thing is, couple of months ago, when I didn't have money at all, he didn't want anything to do with me, now he is so nice and offering me things. It doesn't make sense... So you think it is just guilt? But why now? Could it be that the thing with his new gf is not going so well?

 

Oh, I hate that, he should have never called. Plus, before, he wanted to get out of my insurance, not to have anything to do with me, now he wants to keep it. I know I shouldn't have hopes, this is what is killing me right now.

 

I personally think it's because of guilt, but that's just based on the two personal experiences that i mentioned with ex's offereing money after the fact. Once he gives you the money, he may start to feel better about himself and how he treated you.

 

as for another girl, who knows.

 

I didnt know that he owed you money, so i guess that changes things up and i see why you would take it. I still think it's because of guilt though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...