Is it over? - long

[Fintram]

My gf and I have only been together since late december, so not long at all. In that time, our feelings for each other have grown. We are both older, and have been through our share of relationships. She had told me that her two major relationships in the past have been with some very troubling men and their actions after the relationship has made her particularly guarded. I am also guarded after one of my previous relationships.

 

So, two weeks ago, I went on a business trip and there was plenty of contact while I was away. She missed me, was looking forward to seeing me, and some of the things that we would be naughtily doing when I got back. So, I was excited as hell to come back and drove straight to her place from the airport. When I got there I was greeted happily, but things went down hill from there. She has trouble expressing herself verbally, and having spent 10 days away, this was a little distressing. I wanted to hear how much she missed me, not of all the bad things that had been happening. Her son had done this, her work was hard, she was feeling stress from this or that. It seems her way, instead of saying nice things, she complains about everything, puts down neighbours, different groups of people. This continued into the evening and even when we went to bed. So I went to sleep in a huff.

 

The next morning I went home, still upset and unable to tell her why, but I had posted some thoughts to facebook, they were general and I know I shouldn't have. She can't take it when I can't tell her if and why I'm upset and blew her lid at having to find out over facebook. So what ensued during the day was a text message fight. Then later in the day, she posted a rather harsh remark aimed at me on facebook. I've since stopped posting this kind of stuff on facebook, as I know I shouldn't have aired it for the public...

 

So, then last week we had limited contact with each other. She would respond to my posts on facebook, or the text messages that I sent her. But she is a Cancerian and uses the excuse that she is hiding in her shell. She has not initiated contact with me as yet. From what she has told me, this could be quite a waiting game.

 

So, I asked her out to the movies on Saturday night and she said yes but she wanted to have coffee first. So we met for coffee and she was very guarded. I told her how much I wanted to work on making things right, and how sorry I was and how things can work between us. Every line, every statement she had a defence for, a comeback for. But she made such a big thing over the small flower I bought her. When I asked her what she wanted to do she would just go quiet and give me the 'thinking' look. While it would seem contradictory, I told her that perhaps she didn't want to work on it and that she should probably just walk away now, cancel all communications and connections and be down with it. Again the face went starkly into confused thought, like it wasn't something she wanted.

 

We walked for a bit afterwards and then I walked her to her car. She had brought my sunnies I had left at her place, but not the other items. I asked if she still wanted to go to the movies. The confused face again. So I told her to get in her car and go home. I was drained from the heavy conversation and the battling. She text me when she got home saying she was confused but expressed concern when I had locked myself out of the house. Since then, she still has not initiated contact, although has responded to mine.

 

I feel that if we can get past this initial major teething problems, things will be great. To me, it sounds like she is still interested but needs time to figure a few things out. What do I do? I don't want to push her, but it's been a week already. Do I still send her goodnight messages? Or do I just pull back and say nothing - but continue my usual facebook presence without saying anything about her? I like this girl and don't want to walk away, but also don't want to be stuck in limbo forever. How long do I wait?

 

thanks for reading...

[sunshine1]

The next morning I went home, still upset and unable to tell her why, but I had posted some thoughts to facebook, they were general and I know I shouldn't have. She can't take it when I can't tell her if and why I'm upset and blew her lid at having to find out over facebook. So what ensued during the day was a text message fight. Then later in the day, she posted a rather harsh remark aimed at me on facebook. I've since stopped posting this kind of stuff on facebook, as I know I shouldn't have aired it for the public...

 

This is really immature on both your parts. Its something I would expect out of middle-schoolers. I think it would be best if you both took some time a part to mature and grow up and then think about relationships. You need to learn how to communicate with each other - not through facebook.

[Fintram]

I think it would be best if you both took some time a part to mature and grow up and then think about relationships. You need to learn how to communicate with each other - not through facebook.

 

I agree totally and have expressed that fact to her. We actually communicate about some things fine, but for these couple of things, which is where I think we need to focus on working on.

[catfeeder]

It's not supposed to be this hard, especially in the beginning when everyone is presumably on their best behavior. Neither of you is a villain, it just doesn't sound as though the two of you are compatible.

[JackAfrica]

She has trouble expressing herself verbally, and having spent 10 days away, this was a little distressing. I wanted to hear how much she missed me, not of all the bad things that had been happening. Her son had done this, her work was hard, she was feeling stress from this or that. It seems her way, instead of saying nice things, she complains about everything, puts down neighbours, different groups of people. This continued into the evening and even when we went to bed. So I went to sleep in a huff.

 

 

So you did not see each other for 10 days, you drove directly to see her from the airport only to hear her and complain ?

 

When she started to whine, you should have politely said, " Seems I have come at a bad time." Then you drive home and leave her sorry whiny azz all alone.

At least you might have gotten a better nights' sleep.

 

Oh, and what are you doing playing with the juveniles on FB.